The Sweetest Gift

I was not planning on posting again until after Christmas…but I was not planning on having the sweetest thing ever happen right in my front yard!!

Last night Maggie was planning to head out with Katy for movie night…Katy was picking her up about 6:30, and oh, by the way she’ll probably want to come in to say hello…well of course! I hope so! I wouldn’t have it any other way…We love Katy!

So Mike and I are caught completely off guard when Maggie peeks into the living room with tears in her eyes about 6:30. “Mom, come to the door…you better turn off the TV.”  What is it? We hear a little mumbling, a cough or two. We see small beacons of light flashing across the front door window. Maggie is tearful but excited and peeks out the door…not ready yet! What is this? 

Then we hear many voices…”We wish you a merry Christmas…” and open the door to a front yard full of cheery carolers. There were more than 30 people in our front yard singing to us! Most of them 2nd graders who were my K’s and 1st graders the last two years, and their siblings and their parents. The sweetest thing I have ever seen and heard. Could their be a sweeter gift? Who does this anymore?? It was simply a healing tonic of love! Oh my, I wish you could have been there!

They sang a number of songs, I hugged every person there and then they sang some more.

They also gifted me with 2 tiles, a part of a fundraiser to build our new playground at Pathfinder. One says “Just keep swimming!” and the second tile says, in part, “I see salmon return every summer.” The second tile is a quote from a song we learn to sing and sign about an enormous tree that is about to get cut down (The Tree, by Dana Lyons). It’s a great, emotional song that is a part of the fabric of our classroom. I think every kid who has ever been in the Salmon Clan could tell you the story of that song! Putting that line on a tile on the playground is perfect! I thank you Salmon Clan 12-14! You are an amazing group of families and I love you all so much! Thank you for the sweetest gift!

Love and light,

Janet

PS Maggie is a really good secret keeper!

No getting around it…the holidays are tough…

I’m trying hard to keep my positive outlook and perspective on my situation. I really am blessed in so many ways, with family, friends, amazing medical opportunities…we have food and clean water and shelter, we have all we need.  I have grown children who love me and care for me and Mike. We have amazing friends who are just going above and beyond to take care of us. Truly we are blessed… And yet, these holidays just make me want more, or is it less… I want it to be how it used to be.

It’s going to be more difficult than usual, I think, to stay present and in the moment during this holiday season. It is so easy to get melancholy this time of year. So, as usual, it is finding the balance. I want to embrace my sadness and melancholy, I want to love it and let it go...but hold on tight to the love. I want to live in each moment with my family and friends this season. I am here, I am strong and actually healthy if you can overlook the cancer part. And I am looking forward to a healthier, stronger future. 

Yesterday was the winter solstice. The earth has tilted and we will be gaining light every day! I’m taking this as an opportunity to move forward, away from diagnosis and early cancer and move toward health and healing, straight and vitality.

We have full days ahead of us in our family, we have quite a few traditions that we’ll be enjoying around here, and who knows we may start some new traditions. We are always open for that possibility! 

I can honestly say I feel reasonably strong these days and I can honestly add that it is in great part because of the love and support I get from you, my family, my friends, my community near and far. I am feeling hopeful and grateful and am looking to the light!

All the blessings of the season to you and yours.

Happy Holidays

Love

Janet

good morning

Just a short update to let you all know that chemo came off without a hitch, uneventful, as it should. So no surprises, no real news. Dr. Kaplan mentioned xeloda and thought we might discuss going back to it. I’m sure he read may face when he quickly said, “Maybe not just before Christmas, maybe next time, after the new year.”  yeah…for sure not now. I mentioned waiting until after the next scan (now scheduled for January 22) and he liked that idea. I go in for my next chemo on Jan 6. The question now: Is it harder to take the xeloda (less of a dose, I’m assuming) and worry about the xeloda or is it harder to wait until Jan 22 and find out that not enough is happening with the epirubicin and oxalaplatin, without their poisonous little buddy, xeloda. I think I’ll leave it up to the master Doctor, but it is a little troubling either way. We’ll cross that bridge on Jan. 6, until then there are holidays to celebrate!

Happy Hanukkah my friends! I believe last night was the first night…enjoy your family and friends during this time of celebration!

Betty took off this morning for Kansas City to celebrate with her family…Merry Christmas and love to all of you!! Betty flies back Christmas day so will be here in the evening with us. In the meantime that means we get Gertie! 

I’m supposed to take it easy these next few days after chemo, it is not in my nature as if you don’t know that by now, but it is a lot easier with a little pup to snuggle with! Move over, Gertie! Here I come!

With love and light as we move toward the Winter Solstice,

Janet

This is a sweet picture of Gertie (on the left) and Rudy (on the right),

last Christmas with their Christmas rug and sock monkey.

Gertie always looks sad when Betty is gone and Rudy always just barely tolerated all of us!

I guess I’m a football fan now…that was a great game. I made a big pot of black bean and squash chili with kale and we ended up with a house full of millennials! What a great way to spend a Sunday…Go Hawks!

Today is the day before chemo #7. It seems to me that I’ve had many more than 7 treatments, but I’ve double checked and that is it. Three treatments prior to my hospitalization and 3 since my release. After only being able to handle 3 treatments prior to the hospital, this last one was particularly concerning. I kept “feeling” for the same feelings that got me into the hospital. But all is well without the xeloda and now I’m on to number 7.

The week prior to chemo (which is the 3rd week since chemo) is a bit of a funny week. Most of the strongest side effects have subsided. I can walk around without socks, and I don’t need gloves to get things out of the refrigerator. I can drink water right out of the tap but still prefer to have it a tiny bit warmed up. I have moments when my lips tingle and it feels a little like an electric current running through. I just take this feeling as reassurance that the chemo is still at work 2-3 weeks out. It is strong stuff!

But the most glaring part of week 3 is my tendency to overdo it. I’m well aware that I am coming up to chemo and I’ll be down for the count for a few days, and slow for the next week or so and I just try to get everything done. This combined with the holiday season…we’ll just say I found it difficult not to overdo things last week, this weekend… today! 

Speaking of overdoing it, Saturday we went off to Issaquah, Mike, Maggie, Michael, Eva and I to hunt for a tree to cut down. We all agreed that it seems silly to pay good money to cut down a tree and drag it in our house to die, but in spite of that, we spent a good deal of time wandering the tree farm in search of the perfect tree. We decided the perfect trees were snatched up last week and the week before. There were moments when we nearly caved…ok, this one will do…No! No! Look at it from this side! That scenario repeated itself many times. Luckily we were all in a good mood, goofy and patient, and we finally found the perfect one, ok perfect-ish!

Saturday night, the last Saturday night before chemo…you know what that means, right? Pizza! We went with Betty, Shelly, Mike, Gillian, Conor and Maggie to Delancey’s in Ballard. The pizza place I wrote about recently. Fabulous, delicious, sweet fennel sausage, tasty white pizza (usually not my favorite, this one had house made ricotta) yum with every bite! But, if you go there, make sure, like us, that you save room for dessert. We had a absolutely delicious like a lemon cloud, kind of pudding/custard/only better. Can’t remember what it is called…bodoni? bodini? something like that. What’s in a name? It was scrumptious! 

I’m 95% over my cold! Thyme and eucalyptus in the diffuser, drinking tons of water and using the nettie pot each night took pretty good care of it. Just a little stuffiness left to deal with. That means no more excuses to keep me out of the exercise room. I started back Friday and have gone downstairs everyday since for at least 45 minutes…spin bike, stretches, PT routines and a few pilates exercises.Today and tomorrow I’m going to make it an hour, then I’ll be out of it a day or so after chemo.  It feels good to feel good enough to work out a bit. I’ve been told repeatedly that exercise is a huge part of fighting cancer. Fighting cancer is my full time job, so exercise I must!

My challenge now is sleep. I’m trying different strategies, trying to stay away from the heavy meds, at least on a daily basis. I’ve been given the green light by every health care provider, including Dr. Standish at Bastyr, to use ativan liberally, and I have used it mostly at bedtime for sleep. But it is really not doing the trick anymore. A few nights I’ve tossed and turned, awake for up to 5 hours. Then the next night I have to go with the stronger stuff and I sleep like a log. Getting to sleep and staying asleep have been an ongoing challenge in my life…but this is ridiculous. I’m breathing, using essential oils, counting my blessings, meditating (as best I can), reciting my deeply ingrained catholic prayers from my childhood; repeating them like a mantra. I’m trying all the tricks from my past “normal” sleep troubled life. So, I sleep every few nights with the help of heavy duty pharmaceuticals. Better living through pharmaceuticals, they say…I say, Amen!

I read Language of Flowers last week. Thanks, Julie, I really enjoyed that story. I’m downloading (or is it uploading?) Wild to my kindle app today. I want to read it before I see it. It’s been on my list quite a while.

I have a long list of books and a high stack as well. Now that I’m caught up with The Voice and I’ve watched all the Last Tango in Halifax I have more time to read…that is until I find another series to binge watch…

Tonight we are having Lizzie and June over for dinner! I’ve avoided the baby since my cold, so I’m looking forward to some time with our neighbors.

Thank you for your love, prayers, thoughts and random acts of kindness.

Be here now...

With love 

Janet

Happy Busy Holidays

and Happy Friday, too!

Hello friends, this is my sweet week, the week I should feel the best; the week furthest from my last chemo and closest to my next. Fortunately I am getting on the right side of this cold as fast as I think anyone can. I hear out there in the real world that this cold is one that lingers. Unfortunately, I have some lingering congestion and am having trouble sleeping. It is also leaving me with even less and less energy.

More than one friend who has experienced cancer and chemo warned me about the limited energy I would be able to muster. But, surely that wouldn’t apply to me! I am a woman of great determination and stamina!! I have powered through many a long day of kindergarten followed by an evening event at school followed by another day of kindergarten. Surely this thing you call cancer won’t get the best of  me…

Famous last words. I really do have limited energy! I am not a super human.  I have to admit it and live accordingly. Today I am NOT sweeping the house and doing bills because I AM going to the store. When I first woke this morning I thought I might do both…silly girl! I did work out a bit downstairs, the first time since the cold hit, so not too rigorous. Working out a bit and doing my PT and stretches has to be my number one priority each day and it is really not in my nature, but I think of it as part of the medicine I have to take and just do it (most of the time).

We have a big weekend. Michael and Eva are coming up and Michael’s best buddy Zack is coming in from Alaska with his girlfriend Ali. I have not seen Zack since before summer, we have some catching up to do. We have a traditional family breakfast gathering tomorrow and Christmas tree shopping. Seahawks game on Sunday. I’ll not be able to do it all, I have to pace myself and stay well so I can get chemo next week and then be well to celebrate Christmas with the family on Christmas Eve.

Have a great weekend!

wishing you good health and lots of love

janet

It’s about thyme, again!

Jennifer was over yesterday and had not read the blog but smelled the thyme in the diffuser as soon as she walked in. “Mmmmm, what is…oh is that the stuff Ruth read about on the blog?” and then she started laughing. (She is laughing at us, Ruth!) She said I had to come on the blog and confess that I’m not completely healed that it did not have immediate transformative powers like Sylvester’s Magic Pebble. Ok, I still have some congestion and a sore throat each morning from mouth breathing all night, but really, I do attribute a good deal of my swift and marked improvement to the thyme oil!

At dinner last night Betty said she went to PCC and asked for thyme oil. The woman looked at her and said, “You are the 8th person this week to ask for thyme oil! We’ll order some!” Could that be you guys? So funny!

I’m trying to learn the pacing myself lesson. I did better this weekend. We had one big event and that was all I could muster. We met old friends on Bainbridge for a lovely dinner at Kathleen and Simon’s home. It was great to reconnect, reminisce and catch up before the holidays kick into full swing. 

I’m feeling ok, just the lingering bits of a cold left to deal with, but I have plenty of thyme!!!

Be here now...now the sun is trying to cut through and is shining brightly on the Douglas fir outside my window... that is now!

love,

Janet

It’s Thyme!

I believe I’ve mentioned how much I love my naturopath at Bastyr, Dr. Leanna Standish. She is so super cool and looks just like an old hippy naturopath should look (I’m sure we are the same age…I use old as a term of endearment here). One reason I like her is that she consistently mentions something about the future in a positive way. She’ll say, “When this is over…” or “When you are all done with cancer…” Every time I’ve seen her this has been just a normal part of her conversation. And because my gut has healed and my tumors are shrinking she called me a healer (meaning my body knows how to heal). I just felt more powerful hearing that. I am shockingly aware of how much those simple phrases lift me up. 

She has a powerful positive healing energy and I need that.

Dr. Standish is a naturopath who works in oncology. She does research and she is well aware of the poison I am putting into my body. She does not try to talk me out of the poison, she is boosting my systems and working to heal me throughout the course of treatment. Food, herbs, essential oils are among her tools. These are tools I’m familiar with. These are the things I want to do and I’ve certainly done them in the past B.C. and I do not know how to use them up against this poison in my body.

In fighting this cold I pulled out all my usually remedies and it just seemed futile. Sure, here is some elderberry tincture along with some homeopathic little white pellets…good luck in there with the epirubicin and oxilaplatin!!! I felt like I was spitting into the wind. I needed guidance and I found it!

Thyme oil…who knew? Not me! Thyme oil is an anti microbial (among other magical things) and Dr. Standish says this is the oil to reach for the minute you feel a cold coming on. If you have a diffuser (like I do thanks to my sister Kathy!!) drop some oil in there. Or take a bath with some thyme oil. Or take a wash cloth and get it wet with hot water, drop a few drops and inhale. Or you can be like me and do all of the above! Other good oils to add include eucalyptus, lavender and frankincense. 

Monday I started to feel this cold coming on. Tuesday I got wiped out and got no sleep Tuesday night. Wednesday I was a basket case and took measures (or you can call them drugs) to make sure I slept. Thursday I was actually feeling better and had enough energy for the trip to Bastyr and a few errands. I came home and thymed myself out, and today…it’s a miracle! My sinuses are almost completely cleared and my cough is easing. I am on the mend.  Thyme oil, people! Go get some, now!!

Pizza and Books

Has anyone been to Delancey in Ballard? I’ve been there just a couple of times and it is fabulous. I don’t know how to compare it to Serious Pie because it’s been too long since I’ve been to Delancey, but I have plans to return in the near future. 

Delancey is a pizzeria owned by a couple, Molly and Brandon. Molly is also a writer. She writes a fabulous food blog, Orangette and has published two books. Her first is titled A Homemade Life. It is a memoir with short  chapters involving her memories of food and her dad. At the end of each chapter is a recipe. Her nearly flourless chocolate cake in this book (also on her blog) is my go to cake recipe. Easy and oh so delicious!

Her latest book is titled Delancey and it is about how their pizzeria came to be. Brandon is from New Jersey and grew up on New York pizza. She writes in great detail about all his favorite pizzerias. He is also a bit of an OCD perfectionist so now every night I am reading about how many different places they tried pizza, how many different ways they tried making dough and sauce and cheese. It’s killing me! So yesterday after Bastyr, Mike and I decided to go to Whole Foods for some groceries and lunch. I felt a little like celebrating and I said “If they have pizza that is what I’m getting!” And I did…I love pizza. It was no Serious Pie, I’m sure Delancy has much better pizza, but it was pizza! I have had no gluten since Thanksgiving (and the day after) but decided that I don’t want my body to forget how to digest gluten. It needs to practice at least once a week. That makes sense, right? Well it does in my old lady hippy head!

Another shout out to Kathy...She sent me the diffuser, it is running with thyme oil and healing me as we speak, she also bought me my copy of  A Homemade Life years ago when we were in an airport together and she sent me her copy of Delancey. She is is a huge Molly Wizenberg fan and goes to Delancey when ever she visits Seattle. Thanks, sis!

Happy Friday everyone! 

Be here now, be here.

love and light to you all

janet

I really hate cancer. Not just my cancer, all cancer. It is insidious, hateful, ugly.

This weekend had a bright and a darkside. The bright side, of course was having such a wonderful Thanksgiving with so many members of the Oliver Clan. We spent Thursday and Friday at Mike’s sister, Carries, on Vashon Island. We left early enough Thursday that we didn’t even have to wait in a ferry line (this is quite remarkable for a holiday). Carrie hosted 43 family members, that’s right, 43! Of course everyone brought food and drinks but Carrie and her assistants Lillie and Lindy had the lions share of the work cut out for them; we so appreciate their efforts! The house was so cozy and welcoming, the food was delicious and oh, so plentiful, and the people were EVERYWHERE!

At first we thought it was such bad timing to have the Seahawks game right at meal time Thanksgiving evening. As it turned out, it was a blessing! We had 2 Seahawks viewing areas and that left tables and chairs in the dining area for us who are bigger fans of conversation and food! It really allowed us to spread out through the house and enjoy the different venues. Though I must admit when I was done eating, watching the game and not having to hold up my end of a conversation was the perfect activity for a worn out girl like me! Go Hawks!

We had a lovely evening, spent the night and woke up to a deluge. Typically we stay all night at Carries and then take a hike through the woods to the gravel pit. I was thinking that might not work for me this year as I was just days off of chemo and had the neuropathy thing going on. But, this year, it was just too wet and no one headed for the woods. It was Lindy’s birthday so we started the day with pancakes, cake and pie, just to celebrate! We passed the day away playing with the wee ones, Lucas and Blue, and just hanging out. Finally, it was time for turkey sandwiches and a game of fictionary! We had a very lazy day and ended up staying on the island until dark.  What a great 2 day island get away! Thank you Carrie!

I spent Saturday resting up for Saturday night. We had big plans and I had every intention of following through with them. I believe I’ve previously mentioned Gaby in this blog. Gaby lives in Seattle and also has gastric cancer. She was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago. We have 3 friends in common and when I was diagnosed I was quickly connected to Gaby through email. We have emailed off and on, numerous times since this summer and I have found her to be a wealth of information, inspiration and support. Saturday evening I finally got to meet her.

She and her family organized a fundraiser for gastric cancer. The event was held near the market and started at 5:00. She works with Jodi (Pathfinder, Aran’s mom) currently but previously she was a caterer with Glenda (a former student teacher of mine). She and her daughter prepared all the food, and I have to say this food was exceptional! Fabulous! And this woman is in active treatment for gastric cancer. It wore me out just thinking about preparing for such an event. Gaby is in a clinical trial through Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and Fred Hutchison. She is undergoing immunotherapy which as I understand it is a targeted chemotherapy that targets just the cancer cells instead of all the quick growing cells (trust me, i’m no expert, you would need to look this up if you really want to know what it is!). Gaby’s husband spoke for a while and introduced their doctor. She spoke about the work at SCCA and the Hutch. There was a fabulous positive energy in the room. I was so happy to be able to attend and to finally meet Gaby!

Gaby and her family are just as lovely as I thought they would be...fabulous people!

But, the evening does not end there. Apparently while I was in the hospital I started a movement for a group from the Oliver clan to go to the Book-It Theatre to see Pride and Prejudice. Somehow I got the ball rolling and finished up the details after I was released from the hospital in October. I always look at Book-It for Betty’s birthday in October, and since Pride and Prejudice sounds like such a great girl night out I just thought I’d spread the idea. In the end there were 9 of us with tickets to the play. We filled the van, with 7, Maggie drove on that freezing cold Saturday night, first to the fund raiser then to the play. Mike and Michael met us at the fundraiser then they came back to West Seattle to watch the Husky game. Something for everyone! 

Pride and Prejudice was a good deal of fun, a great girls night out, for sure. But I have to tell you, Thanksgiving, the overnight, the play and the cold took it right out of me. Thank goodness I had my full team here all weekend. Mike, Maggie, Michael and Eva did all the heavy lifting involved with cooking, cleaning and shopping. I mostly pointed fingers and directed their work (I like to think I’m still in control a little bit!!). Even with all their help, I’m paying the price now for such a full weekend. I’m working on fighting off a cold, my head is congested and I have no energy. Oh well, it was worth it for such a full, fun weekend!

But the dark side…cancer was a theme this weekend. For me, internally, because I was buzzing and tingling from the chemo throughout the weekend. Then there was the fund raiser which was all about cancer. Along with new information and thinking comes the second guessing…Am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing more? Don’t get me wrong….Dr. Kaplan is king in my book. I trust him and I love him! He has a tremendous amount of experience. My treatments are working, my tumors are shrinking! But there is a little voice deep down that is always wondering about the newer, alternative kinds of treatments. Usually I do not hear much from that little voice, but this weekend it was talking a little louder than usual.

In addition, my dear Jennifer’s dad, who fought a mighty battle with leukemia a couple of years ago and has been doing so well had a big relapse (not even sure if that is the right word). The cancer was hiding (as they knew his cancer might) and reared it’s ugly head again on Wednesday before Thanksgiving. God, I hate cancer. Jim’s “relapse” has just reinforced what I know to be true, that I just have to be here now and fight today. Cancer makes me acutely aware that no matter how I might plan for the future, I don’t have control. That is true for all of us, all the time, but cancer brings it to the forefront. I’m trying to plan to go back to work. I’m trying to plan a trip to Kansas City and I’m trying to plan a trip to Ireland. All I can really do is go take my supplements, drink my tea and fight off this cold so I have the strength to go through my next round of chemo in two weeks. I hate cancer.

But, I have to end on the bright side…I have to! The treatments are working, the tumors are shrinking! There is no guarantee that I might make it back to school this year…but I might! And I want to! And I’m trying! 

So all of you out there in this frozen world, stay warm! It is freakishly cold here in Seattle! Go find a kid I know and give them a hug for me! I’ll be out there hugging them myself in due time! 

Be here now, be here

With Love

Janet

A big thanksgiving shout out to my favorite train!

Oh and of course, thank you to my awesome meal train with Gillian as the engineer! Thank you all for the love and time you've put into each meal and the creative dishes you created when my food choices were so limited! You have been reliable and on schedule, exceeding all train expectations!! A special thanksgiving thank you to you all!! You may already know that we're giving the meal train a vacation through the holidays. We'll see where we are at in January and let you know.
Lots of love and gratitude to you this Thanksgiving Day.
Janet, Mike, Michael and Maggie!

Report from Tuesday's Visit with Dr. K

Sub title: I think I’m kicking the shit out of this shit!

(Lisa D…that’s ok to say, right…not like the last time…this time I added the I think…not too cocky!)

So Friday we got the print out of the scan report from the doctor and I spent some time before our appointment going through it carefully to compare numbers and see if the chemo really is working as well without the Zeloda as it was working with the Zeloda. While I was going through it carefully I could find very little about my stomach and what’s going on in there. It said my stomach showed “normal wall thickness no discrete areas of abnormal transmural wall thickening.”

That was all it said about the stomach…what about my tumor? lesion? or other cells and bits?

Before chemo I always get a blood draw, get my port accessed and then we go to see Dr. Kaplan. I asked him about the minimal information about my stomach, after all this is gastric cancer. He said there is not much else to see or say. I asked, “Is there no cancer in there?” He said he would not say that, but it has shrunk to the point that it won’t show up on a CT scan. Some cells and bits might show up on a PET scan or an endoscopy and we’ll do one or both of those in the future…but for now, clearly the IV chemo is working! Wow! At this point there is very little to no cancer on my pancreas, small bits probably in/on my stomach, and the liver tumors are definitely shrinking. I asked if he saw surgery in my future, he said not at this point.

Wow! I feel like there is a miracle happening here, and I really don’t want to speak to soon, or let my guard down, or take anything for granted…but damn! I don’t think I could ask for more at this point.

I attribute this of course to my great doc and the powerful medicine he prescribes, to the mushrooms from my naturopath that have been shown to help the chemo do the job, the mushrooms from Brody…just  the extra punch. Also from my amazing family and close friends in the trenches with me. And because of all of you (and many of your children) and your persistent positive energy; your prayers, dedications, candle lighting, imagery, and positive thoughts. I am so held up to fight this fight. I’m so thankful for all of you.

It takes a village to fight cancer…and I have an awesome village.

I wish you a peaceful, loving, full day around a table with loved one’s tomorrow. I’ll be eating whatever I want (woohoo) and thinking of you all!

Love and Peace and Light and Gratitude

Janet

Food and Numbers

We went to see Dr. Kaplan on Friday. He gave us big hugs and is so pleased with the progress. I asked him to look into a crystal ball, but his crystal ball only goes from one scan to the next. Really, the bottom line is, we continue on this path as long as the chemo continues to work. If the chemo stops working, we go to plan B (I have no idea what plan B is, by the way). So, two or three more rounds of chemo (6-9 weeks) then another scan, and then another look into the crystal ball. I asked about going back to work, he says I need the energy I have to fight the cancer. I think if I had a different kind of job I could probably start back now. One day a week, or work on line, take chemo weeks off, that just doesn’t work in my situation, so I have to hang on a bit longer before I can make plans to go back to work.

Numbers

We received 3 pages of medical text that document the results of the scan.

My favorite numbers are on page one regarding the “mass” on the liver…

The mass in liver that had extreme hyper metabolism on PET scan 7/1514…shows a further reduction in size compared to 9//13/14 and significantly decreased in size compared to 6/28/14, with a maximum length measured at 3.8cm now at 2.7 cm.

There is a great deal more medical jargon and measurements, but what I know for sure is they are shrinking and the chemo is working! I’ll take that and go to Thanksgiving!

Food

Last Tuesday I talked for a while with Mary, my dietitian. I told her all the foods I had put back in my diet and the foods I had not yet tried. It had been about 7 weeks since I’d left the hospital and my gut has been on the mend with no setbacks. She gave me the go ahead on all the foods I had not tried! So off to wheat I went. I made up my mind if I was going to have a bad reaction to wheat at least let me have had the wheat that I love. I wasn’t going to eat some dry wheat crackers and then have a bad reaction that left me without wheat again!!! Hell no! We went straight for Serious Pie!

Best pizza in Seattle, in my opinion, other than our front yard!!

Good news…no bad reaction; I’m back in the game. Since then I’ve kept wheat at a minimum; trying not go to overboard. I’ve added in salad as well, and citrus and a few other things. My appetite and taste buds fluctuate during the three week chemo cycle, but I am now able to eat any foods with no real restrictions. Mary said the things I may find irritating to my gut are black pepper and popcorn. I’m sure I’ve had pepper, it is just in stuff…right? But I have not had popcorn…yet. All in due time.

So, now it is time for Thanksgiving and I have plenty to be thankful for this year. I have chemo tomorrow and though I will be tingly and buzzy for Thanksgiving Day I’m thankful to know that the chemo is working. I’m thankful for all of you holding us up through the long hall that is cancer.

I wish you all a peaceful and loving Thanksgiving. 

With love and thanks,

Janet

A Lovefest

I still have not gone to the doctor’s today to get the details, but I just have to write a bit about the love fest that just happened! 

I decided I was ready to go check out Pathfinder. I literally had not been there since July when I was throwing things around trying to clean up from last year and get a few bits in order for Jessica. I was worried about my visit. I knew I would be overwhelmed with emotion, I just couldn’t picture how I could visit, not create havoc and come out without having a breakdown. I also planned it for today to keep my mind of my appointment this afternoon. (No need for that, though, I just get to be happy and think of it as part of my celebration of good news!)

It was awesome! Today is the last day before their Thanksgiving break (for the kids, teachers have conferences next week) AND it was their annual Elder Lunch day. So, I knew going into it that it was going to be a high energy day, full of distractions! So, why not go and just be one more distraction. My plan was to start in Sky Hall (the K/1 hall) and give hugs to my teachers, just peek in and spy a bit on my new group of kindergarteners (most of them don’t know me at all) and then if that was enough, I’d just sneak right back out. Well, that was so much fun, I decided to head on up to the office to find some more hugs. On my way up of course I ran into kids and parents (lots of volunteers for Elder’s Lunch), there were tears and hugs and it was just so great to see some of my former students. OK, now I’ll go…then I saw Scott heading out to recess with his class…I HAD to go hug them! So I went out to recess and saw lots of my kids (now 4th graders) and the 4/5 teachers. (Hi Thomas…sorry I missed you!!). Ok, now I have to go. I just kept seeing more and more people and before I knew it the 2/3 classes are heading down the steps. They include the second graders who were my last years first graders and their teachers whom I love! I got swept right into the cafeteria hugging aunties and grandmas and grandpas that I’ve met in the past, right along with teachers, parents and kids! Oh my goodness, did we have a hug fest! It was ridiculous in the best way!

I did not get to see everyone on my list but I finally just had to go. I’m just exhausted but in the best of ways! I’m so glad I went to see you, Pathfinder! I miss you terribly and hope to be back in the new year.

Love and Hugs to you all,

Janet

Good News A Day Early!

Right now it’s early Friday morning. I have a physical therapy appointment at 8:30 and then a few things planned for the day to help me keep my mind off the unknown. Our appointment to hear the scan results is late in the day, scheduled for 3:40 this afternoon.

So last night we decided to go out, Betty and Maggie and Mike and Me….out for, what I was calling, ignorance is bliss night! At one point I checked my phone and I had just missed a call from Dr. Kaplan. It was an ominous feeling…check the message or not…continue in ignorance. I would  have thought it was an appointment reminder, but it was so late in the evening. I had to check…

A very brief message, a very few words…"the scan looks good…all the tumors are continuing to shrink…I’m very happy…hang in there…" That was it, but really that was way more than we expected, good news, early!  We were overwhelmed! 

That is all I know for now. We’ll get the details this afternoon. I’ll let you know more sometime this weekend.

Michael and Eva are headed up. We might even fire up the pizza oven to celebrate, even in the rain!

I am not fighting this cancer alone. I can't believe how many people I see and hear from who are following along with us and praying for us (in all the different ways that people pray!).

Good job everyone! We are fighting the good fight!

Love to you all, 

Happy Friday!

Janet

BBBBBRRRRRRR…that was cold!

I’m back to our balmy 50 degree weather! It was so cold in KC! When the wind blew it was that biting, stinging dry cold. My skin was dry, my sinuses complained….yikes! But, it’s not about the weather, right? 

I had a great trip and I’m so glad I went. I saw all my aunties, many cousins and both my nieces that live in KC. I got to catch up with Mig, a close friend from high school, hung out with my brothers, Paul and Matthew,  but mostly hung out with my momma, which was the main goal of the trip.

We went to the movie, went to eat BBQ and hear live blues/jazz, watched Matt bowl in his Saturday morning league and I cooked a couple of times for Mom and Matt. 

A highlight of my trips to KC is when my aunts gather and any cousins who can, join in. These gatherings used to be held religiously on Sunday morning at a nearby park for tennis and then to Dairy Queen. Relatives would come and go during these regular Sunday morning events. At DQ, no matter what you ordered, it was in your best interest not to think of it as yours, as in yours alone. You really had to think of it as belonging to the group. You might get the lions share of your order (or not) but you would definitely end up sharing pretty much anything you brought over to the tables! If you really wanted it all to yourself, you needed to find another part of the restaurant to consume your food or beverage. On any given Sunday there could be anywhere from 6-30 people at a time at the DQ.  Back in those days mom said no one was willing to host that many people.

Sadly the DQ closed its doors a number of years ago and the group tried a few other venues. Then mom and her sisters hung their racquets up, no more need to meet at the park. And now the event has morphed into their Wednesday meetings. In the past, when I booked tickets for KC I always had to have a full Sunday there so I wouldn’t miss the DQ experience, now I have to make sure I’m there on Wednesdays.

The Wednesday meetings are held at Starbucks in a nearby mall. Luckily, in the back, the Starbucks has a big table where they usually congregate. This past Wednesday there was one man at the table working on his computer. Instead, we put together tables outside the door of the Starbucks, in the mall, and moved chairs out to accommodate our group.

Mom and I were there, of course, as were mom’s 3 sisters. One of their best friends since Kindergarten, Eileen, was there, too! My cousin Linda has changed her work schedule so she can usually be there, and she was. My cousin Susan drove from Lyons, Kansas just to join us that day. My niece Jennifer took the day off to be with me and mom, and one of her best friends joined us, too. My cousin Julie took a long lunch so she could be there. I think that’s everyone….did I forget anyone? It was a middle of the week party and I swear we sat there for 3 or 4 hours! 

Sunday before heading to the airport my cousin Julie had folks over for tortilla soup and to watch the Seahawks win (oh well, maybe next time!). I was able to catch up with a few more cousins there. I really do have an amazing and interesting family and I miss them very much! It is always a treat to spend time with you all! Thanks, for such a warm welcome home!

It was hard for everyone to see how healthy I am and believe the battle that is going on inside me. I look pretty healthy and I think if I had all my hair, no one would even guess I am fighting cancer. I tried to emphasize to my relatives, and will repeat it here…I really do think there is a genetic link some where. The tests they ran do not show a link, but that does not mean it isn’t there. They just haven't identified that link yet. It’s hard to believe that I was so healthy; exercising and eating so healthy in recent years. It’s easy to think the cancer might be caused by something I did…but I don’t think so. My moms maternal grandpa and uncle had stomach cancer…both of them…and stomach cancer is pretty unusual! So, I say this not to scare you, but to remind you to mention this to your doctors when you see them, especially if there is weird stomach things going on for you or another odd things you cannot figure out.  And, if I find anymore out about a genetic link (because I will continue that search) I’ll be sure to let you know!

I miss KC and all of my relations there! I’ll be thinking of you and counting you as a blessing this holiday season!

Now...back to Seattle and back to cancer. Thursday is my scan and Friday I'll find out the results. Until then, I'm feeling really good so I'm just going to have a great week and then pick up from there on Friday!

Hope it is sunny where you are...it is a beautiful day here!

love to you all

xoxoxo

Janet

Kansas City here I come...

I mean, Kansas City here I am!! Just a short post to let you all know I did it, I made it, I am here with my mom, my brothers and many more of my clan! My sweet niece Jennifer picked me up from the airport and escorted me right to my momma! My brother Matthew greeted me with a big hug, my brother Paul joined us for dinner and I am so happy to be here!

The plane was full, no upgrade or special treatment for me...and that was ok, really none was needed, I was fine. I'm so glad I paid extra for a non-stop, the Delta flight I would have caught went through Minneapolis and I understand many flights from there were cancelled. So all is well, the flight was painless. I wore a mask most of the time for my own protection, though I have to say passengers seemed pretty healthy; I was on the lookout for symptoms and a bit of a germ-o-phobe all day. Now I just have to stay bundled up here as it is very, very cold...26 degrees at this point in time.

Good night from the heart of America!
Stay warm!
Love to you all,
Janet

Good Morning...travel plans, courage and inspiration...and always gratitude!

Yesterday was a slow day for me. I felt really quite dragged down. I was napping by 9:30 in the morning! But Roz came over after 10 and helped motivate me for a guided visualization and it was lovely. Thank you Roz! You are so healing to me! I did a few chores through the day interspersed with some guided affirmations and then a meditation with my friends Deepok and Oprah! 

A week or two ago I got a bug in my ear that I needed to go to KC to see my momma and my people and that I could not wait until April, which is when I’d been planning to go along. So, on Tuesday I asked Dr. Kaplan and he said, Sure! Go eat some ribs! and so…I’m going!

I’m leaving Tuesday Nov. 11 and coming back Sunday the 16th…going solo! Taking a mask, gloves and all kinds of wipes as well as a strong, yet pathetic cancer face and to the desk at the Alaska Airlines gate where I shall ask for an upgrade so I can have fewer germs and more elbow room. But, I’m healthy and strong and the doc gave me the ok! So, I’m packing! And to my KC cousins, try to get some time on Wednesday to meet me at the meeting…you know where and when! I know I can count on Linda…anyone else??? I’d love to see you!

Of course the weather is turning on a dime right about when I get there…they are talking polar air! Oh well, it’s not about the weather!

Now with a trip in the future there are things to do! My hair! What a sight! Originally it was coming out in clumps, then Jennifer buzzed me short and it mostly stopped coming out. I had bald spots and buzz. Then I got off chemo and the bald spots started growing in…baby hair! Now I’m back on chemo and the longer hair is coming out. Yikes! Disaster! I was very brave, on my own, emailed and got an appointment at Coco’s on 35th SW. They were able to get me in at a slow time, yesterday at 4:00. Maekayla was great. She put me at ease right away. Her dad had cancer last year and she shared funny stories about his mullet and keeping his hair tidy during chemo. She used scissors and a comb, just a little shaving on my neck, she was easy to talk with and I’m so glad I went. Now I have a tidy head to wear winter hats upon in Kansas City!

Salmon are Everywhere!

I feel a little salmon obsessed in my life and on this blog, but you know, there is just something about those amazing animals and how they keep intersecting with my life.

When I was in the hospital, Janelle from Pathfinder brought me this lovely book by Mark Nepo  The Book of Awakening. One thing I really like about this book is for every day of the year it has just a page or a page and a half that includes a 1-4 line thought/statement/poem, then a paragraph or two about the thought, then finishes up with some guided visualizations or meditations. In the hospital and shortly after I got home I opened the book on a daily basis. Then, as it happens, it got buried and left out of my routine for a while. Just the other day I brought it back out and put it back into a place of prominence. This morning I was flipping through the days I’d missed, mostly scanning until I came upon Oct. 30. And here is some of what it says…

October 30

The Art of Facing Things

What people have forgotten

is what every salmon knows.

—-Robert Clark

Salmon have much to teach us about the art of facing things. In swimming up waterfalls, these remarkable creatures seem to defy gravity. It is an amazing thing to behold. A closer look reveals a wisdom for all beings who want to thrive.

What the salmon somehow know is how to turn their underside—from center to tail—into the powerful current coming at them, which hits them squarely, and the impact then launches them out and further up the waterfall; to which their reaction is, again, to turn the underside back into the powerful current that, of course again hits them squarely; and this successive impact launches them further out and up the waterfall. Their leaning into what they face bounces them further and further along their unlikely journey.

……

In terms useful to the life of the spirit, the salmon are constantly faithful in exposing their underside to the current coming at them. Mysteriously, it is the physics of this courage that enables them to move through life as they know it so directly. We can learn from this very active paradox; for we, too, must be as faithful to living in the open if we are to stay real in the face of our daily experience. In order not to be swept away by what the days bring, we, too, must find a way to lean into the forces that hit us so squarely.

The salmon offer us a way to face truth without shutting down. They show us how leaning into our experience, though we don’t like the hit, moves us on. Time and again, though we’d rather turn away, it is the impact of being revealed, through our willingness to be vulnerable, that enables us to experience both mystery and grace.

There is more, and I left out some in the middle, but I have to say that really struck me this morning and I made many connections, both in my cancer life and outside of cancer, and I wanted to share it with you!

Thank you, Janelle and thank you Mark Nepo.

Today is a great day! I woke early, helped with breakfast for my worker bees, had a good work out, caught up on the Serial podcast we all listen to around here. Michael and Maggie will both be home this weekend! Life is good…

Lean into the challenges! Thanks you salmon!

Thank you also, Shannon and Naomi for a lovely visit and so much delicious food! It was so great to see you two lovelies!

Love and good health to all of you!

Janet

Good Morning...extra long blog entry ahead...

First a little catch up…Mike and I had a mostly mellow weekend with Maggie going to Portland this time. She had a great trip living with her friends and running with Michael and Eva…makes it a little harder each time to move back in with mom and dad…oh well, the laundry fairy lives here (not there) and the price is right! But I get it. I moved back in with my mom and dad to save money for the trip that brought me to Seattle…However, sorry mom, but Mike and I are way more cool than Ken and Jane!!! Ha! just kidding, mom, you are super cool and so was dad!

Friday we had some awesome trick or treaters! Emma had the brilliant idea to trick or treating here so I got to see Emma and Mason and dad Joe (had not seen him since diagnosis!)  and the flock of scary creatures they had in their group (sweet little Harley was with them…so good to see her)! Then Genya, Tim, Ian and Noa came by so we got to visit with them for a bit! It was great to have some Pathfinder and some Salmon knocking on the door! All in all we had more trick or treaters than usual, it was quite entertaining. And I can’t leave out our first trick or treater of the night, our baby neighbor June dressed as a June bug!!! So Cute!

Sunday before the rain or the football, we went for a walk through Lincoln Park. We took the high road first to go through the woods…so lovely. Then down the long steep path at the north end so we could walk the beach path next. It was such a great morning, and we were not the only ones with such a great idea! We saw Ginny and Amy (Pathfinder Turtle (and more) moms) and had a nice visit and hug fest! Then on the beach I saw my dear Miles who is now in the 4th grade Eagle Clan. He was with his dad, heading up from the beach. This is one sweet boy, always has been. I got such a dear hug from him. I was asking him about the Eagle Clan and his sister and his mom and he almost cut me off, in the sweetest way, asked, But how are YOU, Janet. So dear! Made my day! It was great to see him and his dad.

After Lincoln Park we walked down to the Fauntleroy Creek look out which is up the steps due east of the ferry dock. Up stream Fauntleroy Creek, through the park on Barton, is where we release our salmon fry every spring. I had recently received an email from Judy (the stream and salmon queen) that there were spawners spotted. So, we had to go see. From the overpass you cannot really see but a peek of the stream as it is overgrown with plants native to the habitat (thanks to Judy). But what was so lovely was the welcome back salmon banners and streamers that I have to assume some class came and put up on the fence. Judy is involved with many schools in West Seattle to help keep the Salmon in the Schools program running. It is so powerful to have salmon eggs hatch in a tank in the center of our building every year, then the kids get watch them, feed them and then release them in the spring! Now, fry that were released a number of years ago are finding their way back…so cool! If you walk down Judy’s driveway she has a white board with information about when she will welcome you into her back yard to see the salmon more closely. If you live in West Seattle, this is definitely a great family field trip! Have to post a couple photos...

The rest of Sunday was football (go hawks!) and cooking. I was feeling pretty good and wanted to get a few things done before chemo week.

Lizzy and June joined us for Sunday dinner (Vince is still in Austin…we miss you Vince!). It was a lovely evening.

Monday…one day til chemo…last day of good energy for a while…so many choices… 

New jeans won the battle of what to do with my time. I was desperate for new jeans…strategy Gap first (like the old days) and if that fails, fred meyer on the way home. i knew i couldn’t handle any large dept. stores or thrift stores.

The mall, even with one store in mind is EXHAUSTING!! It had been a while since I’d been inside one…I remember why! But mission accomplished! I tried on more pairs than I wanted to but found one good pair…that is all a girl needs (especially a girl who spends most days and evenings in yoga pants!!)!

I had to go to Fred Meyer anyway and that store is so huge…just another

way too exhausting task…oh well! That was all the energy I had for that day!

Tuesday…chemo day…

So I have a love hate thing with chemo. I love it because according to my last scans it is doing the job! I open my heart and body and self to the chemo. I welcome it in to do the job it needs to do.

As it pours into my body everything just starts feeling weird. I had felt perfectly fine that morning. Good energy, ready to go. 

First stop is to draw blood. I had a lovely young woman for that task. We chatted while she prepared the tools for the task of accessing my port. She was done in no time and left my port accessed for treatment.

Next stop, Dr. Kaplan. While we were checking in he was heading out from his office into the lobby and met us with open arms. I gave him a hug, as that is what I do with open arms, and we had a good morning exchange. I was his first patient and he was quite chatty. I really like this guy, he is a good man, for sure! I had more questions than usual, as I’ve spent some time on this computer machine and I’m finding terms and treatments I don’t understand. I asked him and was prepared to ask him to tell us more or to direct us to more information but both Mike and I felt like he gave us full answers. He was open to questions and some discussions. I respect that he is a busy man, I so appreciate this time.

The plan…I have the same chemo cocktail waiting for me as 3 weeks ago. The same as always just leaving off the zeloda (i tremble at the word!!!).

Then Thursday, November 20 I have a scan. November 21 we have an appointment to discuss the scan. Tuesday, November 25 I have chemo scheduled, as usual, but that may change depending on the scan results. November 25 is Thanksgiving week, so I asked if I could move chemo up to the 21st after the scan results, but no, I cannot do it that soon. So if I have chemo, it’s kind of a drag for it to be Thanksgiving week…but I’m grateful that I’ll probably have my full diet  (other than gluten) back by then!!! I will be able to sit and eat small bits throughout the day and have a very good excuse to sit back and watch the show. And I do mean a show. Thanksgiving with Mike’s family this year is looking to be a minimum 35-40 and could be more! I’ll find a tiny corner, not too far from the food or the action, and just enjoy!!

Food…

We met with Mary, one of our dietitians yesterday during chemo. She is very sweet and knowledgeable. We added plenty of new things to my diet, though it is best if I just add one new thing a day, so I can make sure there is nothing my gut is finding too irritable. But, I really think I’m over that struggle. My system is doing quite well, thank you! But I continue to be cautious and follow her rules. I err on the side of careful! Right now I can have most veggies cooked (no broc, cauliflower, cabbage or the like), no raw veggies (so no salads yet). But I can have cooked greens! I can have most fruits peeled, without seeds. I can add a little spice and I can have corn tortillas, so egg tacos are in my future!!! I continue to limit dairy and I continue to be gluten free, though sometime, maybe after thanksgiving, I’ll give gluten a little try. I could eat wheat prior to all this, though, I know full well, it would make me bloated and uncomfortable if I ate more than a bit of it. But, I could eat it fine…so I shall eat it in bits of moderation in my future! I am sure. Pizza and wine are in my future, though just a tiny bit of each!!

During and post chemo my most prominent side affects include fatigue (I almost napped during chemo and stayed on the couch all night!), and the tingling in my feet and hands and my strong aversion to stepping on or touching anything cold or even just cool. This starts happening mid-chemo, this time I remembered to bring gloves with me for the trip home. I also have a gravel thing going in my eyes and throat. My throat hurts a bit and my eyes feel swollen and if I cry, it is quite uncomfortable. (Note to self…don’t open cards from sweet people when you get home from chemo…Melissa, so good to hear from you…so sweet! I loved your thoughts, wishes and memories and it was worth a couple minutes of owie eyes!! And, I miss you too!)  And then there is the buzz that starts…I feel it coursing through my body, a little electric tingle. I try to focus on the positive…that is the medicine working. The electric buzz is just starting to buzz. I also got the bonus shot at the end of chemo that boosts your white blood count and makes your bones ache…not really feeling that too bad yet, though I did take the claritan that is supposed to help with that pain. So all in all I’m doing ok.

Here is a bit more for those who do not mind a little TMI about hormones and women. I assume most of you reading this far don’t mind a little TMI or you’d have stopped reading my blog long ago…any way…here we go…TMI ahead…

Shockingly, up until cancer, at the young age of 58 I was still having my periods (I warned you…TMI). Cancer seems to have taken care of this issue for me…but now, all of a sudden I am thrown into menopause and I’m having hot flashes. So here I sit, unable to touch any part of my body with cold or even coolness and then I’m suddenly sweating bullets… I just have to laugh. But like I told Betty last night I have the luxury of pulling off my socks and pulling up the bottoms of my yoga pants to my knees any time I want. I now understand ladies, when you’d run over to my classroom window and fling it open while the rest of us were bundled up! It all makes sense to me now! 

TMI is done!

OK, I’m pooped and I hear my couch calling my name. So sorry for the extra long babble!!

Thank you all for the continued love that keeps coming our way in so many different ways. I feel held up by all of you. And I am so grateful for each of you.

Love and Peace and Good Health to you all

Janet