Lots of Love coming my way!

It’s a funny thing how things work…At the beginning of this journey we received so many kindnesses in so many forms; too many to list. There was love and support sent in so many different ways. Then of course, as this became our new “normal” we’ve continued to receive a great deal of support, food, thoughts and prayers, but little trinkets and treasures stopped showing up as frequently. (Though we do get a regular delivery of FU cancer shrink dink salmon!!)

I feel like maybe I’m in a marathon (though I have no idea what that might feel like) and everyone around me knows it’s time for another dose of extra love. It started with the lovely words on the steps up to our house after chemo. It’s been followed by extra emails and cards and letters, plants and tea. There was a card from Jimmy (known to many of you as Wee Wee), from Colorado with $20 to get the biggest hot fudge sundae I could buy and then if there was a bit left, Mike could have a single scoop. Peggy (a former Pathfinder teacher friend) in California sent me a beautiful scapula from Mexico, thinking, like she did, I’d most likely worn the scratchy plastic scapulas in my Catholic school elementary days. Yes, I did, Peggy, this one, however, is so much more beautiful!  My dear friend from college who lives in Maryland, Mary Beth sent to me a book of Indian Wisdom that I had gifted to her years ago for her birthday…too many years to say!  Today Jessica and Brody dropped off some goodies that had been collecting on our desk at school from former Salmon students and a plant they had picked out for me. I just thought this was too cool, coincidental, that all this occurred in a manner of 5 days, I just had to mention it. You and the universe must know something! Thank you!

This week in between walking Wilson and doing a few chores around the house, I have been trying to take it easy. I’ve let myself have more couch time watching brainless TV and videos and just chillin. I recognize this pattern now and know I need these 5 days before I start feeling myself again. During these days I feel tingly and fuzzy and weepy and weak.

But Monday will come and that should pass.

Until then we are definitely looking forward to an exciting day tomorrow. Wilson and I will be holed up in our corner of the couch. I’ll be feeding him extra special treats as he learns to tolerate all the noises that are sure to be coming out of Mike and especially Michael. He is known for his outpouring of emotions during important games. I’ll be using this time to train and desensitize our new baby. The kids will be here with extra friends along, Betty, Gillian,  Mike, and Conor. It’s a good size group and I’m looking forward to the good energy!

Go Hawks!

And thanks for all your kindnesses!

Lots of Love your way...daily...

Janet

Chemo Chemo Number 9!

It was a pretty typical chemo experience. I had a lovely nurse and we discovered that we shared the same onset and trajectory as Seahawks fans…we had some good laughs and the learning curve and the joy our husbands are feeling that we are into it. She helped make the experience a good one.

But then leaving the hospital I was feeling a little sad or melancholy. I realized I was thinking how important that next scan will be in 9 weeks and then I realized that I think that after every scan…that the next one will be so important…it’s a 9 week roller coaster and the ride just started this time.

We had a good visit with Dr. Kaplan. He was in good spirits and is so optimistic. I asked him again the question I had asked a month or more ago about possible surgery at some point to remove and remains in the liver. He said 10 years ago he would have said no, but now there is so much more technology, and he named off some possible surgical procedures, and that we could talk about it after the next scan…yes, that next scan! That should be the week of March 23rd…we’ll see!

In the meantime, in hopes of clearing up the liver I am back on the Xeloda, but so, so, much less than before. I was taking them twice a day, every day for 10 weeks before it turned on me. Now I’ll be taking it twice a day for 5 days following infusion day, just 15 days total between now and scan day. So today was day one of Xeloda and I’m trying hard not to perseverate on how my stomach feels. I told him I was going to take probiotics and eat a gut healthy diet. He agreed ! Yeah! Dr. Kaplan finally said yes to probiotics, though I know he had good reason to say no when I was in the hospital. I also have marching orders to stop immediately if I start having reactions (I have no intention of turning this blog back into a poop blog, so I’ll just say reaction) and to call him or go to the hospital if necessary.

I told him we were ready to plan for Ireland in July, he gave us a big thumbs up! I asked if we should try to plan around any procedures. He said go for it and they would plan around us! Just what I wanted him to say. He also said trip insurance as if he needed to remind me that ANYTHING could happen.

So guess what we did last night? We had enough sky miles to book three tickets to and from Ireland! With sky miles it is a lot easier to cancel…they’ll just dump them back in to our sky mile pot if we need to cancel. That feels safer. So now we just need to get Michael on board to join us! That would make it perfect. Even for part of the trip. He is a more likely a stay close to home guy than travel guy…and I get that, so am I really! But it would be awesome if he would join us. So, if you read this blog and communicate with Michael, give him a little nudge. He wouldn’t have to come for the whole time….fingers crossed.

And note to Beth and Keith…As good as Delta has been to us in refunding our non sky mile ticket last year…now that this is a done deed I’ll be pulling out my Alaska Airlines Credit Card and thinking of you!

Monday, the day prior to chemo I went to see Camille and Dr. Standish at a medical clinic in Northgate, instead of at Bastyr. It was indeed another love fest. After she read the scan reports she said, and is the first one to use the R word, “looks like we’re going for remission.” Wow, blew me away! She was also the first one in the early crazy days to tell me that I would get through this. No other doctor had said that to me. You can tell why I love her…such positive energy, but backed by so much science and work.

I am officially in her study that looks at how chemo along with the naturopathic supplements affect cancer. I think she said there are over 600 subjects in her study. I am happy to be one of them.

We talked about different/newer surgery or radiations to get rid of the lingering liver spots, we’ll see after the scan, of course.

She also talked about what they do at that clinic, after chemo, to keep cancer in remission. They offer a number of kinds of infusions. She suggested for me IV curcumin, and IV Vitamin C. She says there is not enough data to justify doing it during chemo, but lots of data to support these infusions after chemo. I am very game for this! It is right up my alley. I’ll have to do research and of course it is not covered by insurance…but I’m very interested!

A number of years ago, maybe 5-7 years ago, while I was working out on the treadmill I watched a documentary about Vitamin C infusions to fight cancer. Food and supplements to treat cancer, versus the more typical medical route. I came upstairs and emphatically stated if I ever got cancer I did not want chemo, I wanted Vitamin C infusions. Well then stage 4 gastric cancer kind of changed my point of view. I was onboard with traditional medicine within a blink of an eye. But what has helped me is having my naturopath guiding me along, giving me supplements to help with my stomach and side effects. I feel it has been a perfect match. I couldn’t imagine not having both of these distinguished doctors in my corner.

So, back to leaving the hospital, a little sad, but I just cannot cry right after chemo because it hurts my eyes to much…so I tuck it in and listen to a little Seahawks news in the car…go Hawks!\

Then we get home and would you please look carefully at what I found on my stoop. So dear and lovely, I had to let my eyes hurt just a little. I have not removed them yet…I love them too much! Thank you mystery person who has access to the wood in the Salmon Clan room and has teacher handwriting! Thank you for this love just when I needed it!  

\

In case you cannot read all the words, from top left: BE STILL + OPEN, COURAGE, BREATHE, PEACE COMES FROM WITHIN, PERSEVERE, STAY OPEN.

What a beautiful thing to walk up to after chemo!

I have so many more things to talk about buy I fear this post is running long, and I need lunch! So, look forward to posts about hair (patches of it), books, Wilson, Ireland, and of course the Hawks!!

Therefore, I shall sign off for today and may be back on to babble a bit more tomorrow.

Got this chemo in here, doing the job with the help of the butterflies, the fairies, the mucinex guys and all your fabulous, positive energy in more forms than I could have imagined! I'm a believer?

Love and Peace and Lots of Light to you all!

Janet

I am happy to report a few more details from Dr. Kaplan. He is thrilled with my progress…and of course so are we.

Basically there is no more visible cancer on the pancreas and stomach. There is a nodule and some calcification, but no visible cancer.

The liver has shown good progress this time. There is one tumor that is visible, but smaller than before and then one that sounds like it is more of just a shadow of a tumor…something like that, but mostly gone. Originally there were quite a few spots on the liver.

So really it is all about the gastric cancer on the liver. Just a little bit left. 

I said, “I’m really going to get rid of this and we’ll be done with chemo.”

He said, “I can’t make promises, but it looks that way.”

I said, “I’m going to get to go back to work!?”

He said, “That is likely.”

Of course there is no timeline...but I can see it on the horizon! I'm going to get my life back!!

I have my regular chemo on Tuesday and he is adding back in a very small dose of xeloda (my friend that sent me to the hospital for three and a half weeks back in September), just in case that is the poison that will take care of the tumors on the liver.

Then we talked ice cream, then we talked football (cause if you live in Seattle right now you really don’t go anywhere without talking football), then we left with big fat smiles on our faces!

So, time to celebrate! I could not have hoped for such a good scan. I am thrilled and so grateful that the chemo is working! This weekend we’ll start planning our trip to Ireland in hopes we’ll make it this year. I’m a believer!

Have a great weekend!

Love, love, love to you all.

Janet

Good News, Again!!

It was really more than I could hope for that the chemo is continuing to shrink the tumors. But that seems to be the case! Hallelujah!

I had a scan at 10 this morning and got a call from Dr. Kaplan this afternoon. He told me the tumors on the stomach and the pancreas continue to be so small they are nearly unmeasurable. He said the ones on the liver continue to shrink. 

I said to him “I have so many questions about my future!”

He said, “I hope it involves a hot fudge sundae.”

Such a funny man!

Tomorrow we meet with him at 3:00 and will get more details. I just wanted to share my preliminary good news.

I feel so blessed and fortunate in so many ways! All of you have been here supporting me in your ways; soup or prayers or butterflies, books and cards and lots of love. I believe the chemo has a heck of a lot to do with these shrinking tumors, but I’ll not discount all the other forces at work.

love to you all

thank you for your part of the healing!

janet

ps omg i have had football on in my home my whole married life, seriously, and really never watched a game…only now am i watching it and thinking, dang, i wish there was a game this weekend…is this part of chemo brain?? i don’t think so!!

go hawks!

Happy Sunny Friday

What a lovely week we’ve had and our new little buddy has been doing a good job of getting this hermit out of the house. He is a busy boy and we will definitely be seeking opportunities for him to run, but for now, I’m the “fast” walker and the best he’s got during the day! One day this week I headed downstairs to do my usual exercise routine and had an “I should have had a V-8” smack in the head kind of moment…I need get out in the sun and exercise me AND the dog! So out we went. I’m working on getting my heart rate up, building stamina, working the glutes, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine and getting some of his energy out. Good dog, Wilson! It’s not easy to get me out the door these days. We’ll see what happens when the rain reappears…

This is the middle of my time between chemo treatments and I have been feeling quite good this week. The kind of good that almost makes me worried that nothing is happening…but I’m just not letting myself think that way. I felt crummy the obligatory 5 days, in fact this weekend there were times I thought I’d never feel good again.but again, I work hard against these negative thoughts sticking with me. I try to let them go, like a bubble or a ripple down the river, just like Lillie taught me! Easier said than done, it takes practice…I’m practicing.

Yesterday I had a lovely field trip sponsored by Bridget and Shannon. Shannon picked me up and then we nabbed Bridget and headed to the Bellevue Art Museum. It is just the right size for me with my lack of stamina; smallish. There was an especially lovely exhibit by artists that carve, turn or craft with wood that I scouted out for Mike. I think I’ll be headed back that way with him someday soon. After the museum we walked over to Din Tai Fung for dumplings for lunch…yum! We were seated right away, which I understand is unusual, service was grand, the dumplings were yum as were the garlic green beans, but best…the company! Thank you my artist friends for letting me tag along and pretend to be a lady that goes to museums and lunch! Going to museums and lunch is another habit I’d like to practice!

Enjoy the weather…

Enjoy the football or the empty city if you are not watching the football game…

Love to you all!

Janet

Another chemo down…That makes 8 so far…

Last Tuesday we went in for chemo #8, fairly uneventful. I get a scan on January 22, before the next chemo, so at this appointment there was not a lot to talk about. All my what if questions can just wait until the next scan results. This was more a keep on keepin’ on kind of meeting with Dr. Kaplan. We did discuss xeloda but like everything else, we are just going to wait to see the scan results before we change anything. So…waiting for the scan on the 22nd and the results on the 23rd…until then…

You know I put word out that we were open for a dog. We ended up applying to a couple of rescue organizations and even went and met a sad little pup  one rainy night, but then we kind of put it back on the back burner. We would wait until a dog showed up, just like Bear and Rudy did. If it was meant to be it would happen, I did not want to go out dog shopping anymore. It was too depressing, exhausting and time consuming!

Many of you know my match making friend, Debbie. She takes 1/2 the credit (Jennifer Annable gets the other 1/2) for matching me and Mike way back when. Two days after Christmas Debbie texted and emailed me about a dog her sister, Nancy found. Nancy lives in Yakima, is a nurse and has 2 service dogs. On Christmas Eve, Nancy’s husband and their daughter found a dog with a hurt leg in a ditch (in my mind it is snowing…not sure about that as a fact!). Being good people they bring him home, put him on craig’s list, go to the vet (no chip) and fall in love with him. He is a Jack Russell (mix?), boy, not fixed, maybe 2-3 years old and sweet as the day is long. Do we want him? They are not in a hurry, they love him so much they will just keep him until they find a good home.

First there is the logistics. We are not driving to Yakima to check out a dog. Really, we are just not driving to Yakima, not anytime soon, anyway! Debbie’s family is going back and forth from Seattle to Yakima a good deal these days taking care of her dad. Debbie’s brother, Peter,  who happens to be a veterinarian, will bring “Santa” over on his next trip. This last Friday, after many texts, emails and photos between Nancy and Debbie and me, and many changes of the dogs name (how many dogs have you named before they were even yours? Plenty I’m sure!), Wilson arrived in Seattle. Saturday morning, Mike and I were invited to brunch and a chance to meet Wilson (yes, that would be Jack Russell Wilson!). The rest is history! Debbie and Jeff fed us a lovely brunch, we had a dog love fest and took Wilson home. He is a love. I want to get him a t-shirt that says “I live to snuggle!” He is perfect (Well, he will be after a trip to the vet and a  snip-snip here or there).  When we are up on the couch with a blanket, he springboks up and then immediately nuzzles his nose looking for the corner of the blanket to crawl under the covers with us. Oh, my! This little one was made to order!!

Right now he is sitting up on the back of the couch watching the finches at the bird feeder~I call that kitty-dog! He is good with Gertie and with all the kids he's met so far. He barks once as an alert and then stops. He does not beg...practically perfect in every way!

Thank you Debbie, you have made a perfect match again!!

I must go, I'm quite sure it is time to snuggle!

Love to you all

Janet

Good Morning and Happy New Year

I hope you all had a blessed holiday season. Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers and powerful thoughts of positive energy.

Living with teachers it was very nice to have a solid 2 weeks of vacation, no alarms, no bedtimes, lots of visiting and time. But now we are back at it. Mike and Maggie off early this morning and here I am back at it as well.

Many of you know that I celebrated my birthday a few days ago, January 1. The holidays can be stressful and difficult under any conditions, birthdays can be the same…It was definitely tricky this year getting through that day which also happened to be the 6th month anniversary of my diagnosis.

New Year’s Eve was fabulous but exhausting. We decided to fire up the pizza oven, it’s so hard to resist! Maggie, Michael, Eva and Betty were all here, we invited Mike and Gillian and Conor over to join us. We had an assembly line in the kitchen with delicious ingredients and the boys were outside keeping the oven hot and keeping the pizzas moving in and out. Betty made two birthday cakes this year and New Year’s Eve we had the first one; olive oil, polenta, cherry cake. It truly was a delightful and delicious evening…but absolutely exhausting! The kids cleaned up and then headed out on their own.  About 11:30 I realized I could not make it  to midnight, physically or emotionally,  and fairly abruptly called the party to an end. I was completely pooped out and emotionally I just knew I would loose it at midnight celebrating the new year and my birthday with a cancer cloud over my head. I was too exhausted to try to fake it. I  wanted to go to bed and cover my head…and so I called the party and did just that. I made it to bed and under my pillow before midnight. I am quite happy to see the end of 2014 but that does not mean I’m not worried about what 2015 will bring. 

Typically on my birthday we go to the movies. I try to pick a movie I think everyone would like, which has always been tricky. This year I was a little selfish and picked a movie that Mike and Michael would attend under no other circumstances…I needed both my birthday and cancer to pull this one off! I gave them the option of seeing a different movie at the same theater, but they were troopers and stayed with the group and off we went to see Into the Woods. I loved it! Eva had been in the musical when she was in 3rd grade, she enjoyed it. Betty enjoyed it. Mike liked it more than he thought he would. Michael took a little nap and woke up with a feeling he'd been napping for hours and wondered how in the world everyone could still be watching this movie!! Too funny! But, me, the birthday girl… I loved it! Granted, it was a little long…but I’d see it again.

We came home from the movie and ate left over pizza and Betty’s second cake, a nearly flourless chocolate cake. Then there were the gifts. This is when I really lost it. It was too much, I was overwhelmed, I was toast.  I cried all through cake and presents. I was so tired, so full of gratitude for all the people and love coming my way this year. So grateful for my family and the love  at the table and so worried about them dealing with my cancer, and I lost it. I really cannot think about it without crying, but that’s okay. I cry…a lot.

Once we all recovered Michael and Eva headed back to Portland. Maggie left the next day to join them and head up to Timberline with a big group of friends for a snowboarding weekend. It was a quiet weekend around here filled with football and taking down and putting Christmas away.

Tomorrow I have chemo #8. I’m planning on having a very quiet week following chemo. Last month I know I fought it, tried too hard, too soon to get back into the ball game. This time I’m just going to chill. No holidays to shop or get ready for, no stress, just relax and heal. I’m going to binge a little on last year’s Downton Abbey and then watch the new one. I’m just into The Goldfinch and finding it compelling and difficult to put down, so I plan on reading quite a bit. I have a couple of visitors lined up and that is the extent of my plans for this week, and perhaps next week as well.

I wish you all well as you start the New Year. I’m thinking of all my teacher friends and I know what you are up against today as everyone tries to gear up to get back in the groove.

love to you all

janet