Good morning…

I’ve been a little busy, to say the least! So blogging has been put on the back burner, but here are some notable updates.

I’ve been going to cardio rehab at Cherry Hill 2 or 3 times a week and learning a good deal about how to gradually strengthen my heart muscle safely and systematically. I talked about this a couple of posts ago and mentioned Cara, she continues to be my guide through these lessons. I love going to cardio rehab. I’ve never liked to sweat (and I still don’t) but if I have to, it’s nice to have such positive support and ongoing feedback during the workout. At this point, Cara is focusing more on teaching me the information I need to know to do this work on my own. I’ll be heading back to school full time soon, and will not have the luxury of a fully supported workout…I have to make myself DO IT and follow the guidelines so I continue to improve my heart function. I’ve purchased a Polar heart rate monitor and that is a huge help. During my workout I can track my heart rate and then work to keep it at my target rate and then monitor it as it returns to a resting heart rate. Cara is asking me for my plan, how I plan to continue this on my own, and I’ve told her. But the thing is, these workouts, just like my heart meds, are not optional. I’ve never felt like I’ve had to “exercise,” everyone should…I should…but this is different. This is non-negotiable. I’ll be sweating, I’ll be working to rebuild my heart muscle.

So, speaking of going back to work full time. Mike and I went to visit Dr. Kaplan last Monday. He was absolutely thrilled with how I looked and my energy and my report to him. He was even more thrilled (or at least as thrilled!) with the treat we brought him; a 1/2 gallon of his favorite ice cream (Tillamook Mudslide) along with napkins, bowls and spoons and the best part;  an ice cream scoop with a wooden handle turned by Mike. He loved it! I told him a year ago I was in the hospital, now I’m back to work…he gets ice cream!

We talked about back to work and of course, under the best of circumstances this job is difficult, exhausting, stress inducing and at times ridiculous…so yes, I’m tired, I’m exhausted…but that’s the job. I still love it and want to go full time. I would never choose to teach young kids for only 1/2 time. It is more work for everyone, including them (in my opinion). Though it has been lovely to drive away 1/2 way through the day and head up to cardio rehab…it’s not what I can sustain. That is my classroom, and my kids and I need to be there…all in.

So last week was 1/2 day every day. Next week is 1/2 day just Monday and Friday (and I’ll do my last 2 cardio rehabs). The following week would be my first full week but I have an appointment with Dr. Standish in the afternoon and she is so difficult to get into see, that I just cannot change it. I have not seen her in months, since before Ireland! So the week after next, other than appointments, I’m fully back! 

I’m finding at the end of the day my brain is scrambled. I feel near panic if I try to problem solve something that has happened during the day right after school. I freak a bit, panic. But if I can go home, walk the pup, get some fresh air and a little time, I can think about the issue and see it and possible solutions clearly! Hopefully I’ll be able to problem solve any time of day, but at least now I see the pattern and have a strategy that works. It means I have to bring my work home, everyday, which I have not had to do the past few years, so that is a shift, but I’m willing and able to make that shift.

The other challenge is email. OMG why in the hell is it that EveryTime I Open the Computer There Are 25 More Emails Waiting For Me????????? Ok, that is my big complaint. Last October, I said I missed bitching about my job…see how much fun that was! I do love bitching about my job :)!

The week after next we see Dr. Mignone. I imagine there will be no big news…my heart is getting stronger…keep up the good work…it will take time for it to come back…it won’t ever come back 100%…but it will come back strong…keep working…keep taking the meds. I think that will be the short story, maybe some tweaks in the meds.

Then November 12 I have my scan. That is the mystery date. I have no idea what to expect; no idea. In my mind I’ll be going to a rodeo (that is a reading workshop teacher assessment inside joke)…In my mind the cancer could be GONE…none there…completely missing…that is the dream…but of course I have no idea. No sense in putting the other scenarios in writing, it’s not worth the energy to go there. So I try not to. 

I’m working to live these days fully. Fully engaged with these kiddos and my people and friends. We are all here now, and that is the important part.

Michael and Maggie are working hard at APL teaching and supporting kids who are highly impacted by their autism. It is  hard and emotionally/physically draining work, but they love it. Maggie works individually with kids after school and on the weekend to supplement her income (and because she loves the work). Michael is working on picking up a part time job, he has an on the job interview today.
Eva is settling into her new job. We all went out to dinner on Thursday to celebrate Eva’s birthday. I love having the kids in Seattle!

Mike is working hard in Renton, working with the teachers and the kids struggling with their emotions and their behaviors. He continues to be my rock and my hero. He is so supportive and having to do so many more things around here as I have to let things go. We started taking a yoga class on Monday evenings…that is nice.

I am taking baby steps back out into the world…dinner with friends…last week with the Sherwoods and the Blacks, last night with Betty and Mike and Gillian and Conor. Sometimes things feel normal. Sometimes I feel normal; I have hair, that helps. I feel like every cell in my body has shed the poison that was chemo (except maybe those brain cells that get scrambled by the end of the day). I’m at work everyday!

So, with that…I’ll sign off on this blog for a while. I may post if there are any major events/news in our family, but I plan to leave things be until mid November…when we face the big unknown…I’ll be sure to fill you in afterwards.

I just have to thank Kathy for all my immune support goodies you sent. And thank you Betty for soup in the freezer and friendship through all, and thanks Roz for all our lunches at Chaco Canyon and your love and support, and to Gaby and Charlene, my “stomach cancer” friends, and Lou for all your supportive emails full of love and best wishes….and you for reading my blog, sending our family love, prayers and support in so many different forms.

Enjoy the season…go eat an apple and pick a pumpkin and I’ll be back next month.

xoxoxoxxo

with love

Janet

PS We'll be heading to Canterbury at 534 15th Ave East, on Tuesday Nov, 10 at 6:30 for a quiz night fund raiser to raise money for Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center...November is Stomach Cancer Awareness Month...let me know if you'd like an official evite with more information.