The Sweetest Gift

I was not planning on posting again until after Christmas…but I was not planning on having the sweetest thing ever happen right in my front yard!!

Last night Maggie was planning to head out with Katy for movie night…Katy was picking her up about 6:30, and oh, by the way she’ll probably want to come in to say hello…well of course! I hope so! I wouldn’t have it any other way…We love Katy!

So Mike and I are caught completely off guard when Maggie peeks into the living room with tears in her eyes about 6:30. “Mom, come to the door…you better turn off the TV.”  What is it? We hear a little mumbling, a cough or two. We see small beacons of light flashing across the front door window. Maggie is tearful but excited and peeks out the door…not ready yet! What is this? 

Then we hear many voices…”We wish you a merry Christmas…” and open the door to a front yard full of cheery carolers. There were more than 30 people in our front yard singing to us! Most of them 2nd graders who were my K’s and 1st graders the last two years, and their siblings and their parents. The sweetest thing I have ever seen and heard. Could their be a sweeter gift? Who does this anymore?? It was simply a healing tonic of love! Oh my, I wish you could have been there!

They sang a number of songs, I hugged every person there and then they sang some more.

They also gifted me with 2 tiles, a part of a fundraiser to build our new playground at Pathfinder. One says “Just keep swimming!” and the second tile says, in part, “I see salmon return every summer.” The second tile is a quote from a song we learn to sing and sign about an enormous tree that is about to get cut down (The Tree, by Dana Lyons). It’s a great, emotional song that is a part of the fabric of our classroom. I think every kid who has ever been in the Salmon Clan could tell you the story of that song! Putting that line on a tile on the playground is perfect! I thank you Salmon Clan 12-14! You are an amazing group of families and I love you all so much! Thank you for the sweetest gift!

Love and light,

Janet

PS Maggie is a really good secret keeper!

No getting around it…the holidays are tough…

I’m trying hard to keep my positive outlook and perspective on my situation. I really am blessed in so many ways, with family, friends, amazing medical opportunities…we have food and clean water and shelter, we have all we need.  I have grown children who love me and care for me and Mike. We have amazing friends who are just going above and beyond to take care of us. Truly we are blessed… And yet, these holidays just make me want more, or is it less… I want it to be how it used to be.

It’s going to be more difficult than usual, I think, to stay present and in the moment during this holiday season. It is so easy to get melancholy this time of year. So, as usual, it is finding the balance. I want to embrace my sadness and melancholy, I want to love it and let it go...but hold on tight to the love. I want to live in each moment with my family and friends this season. I am here, I am strong and actually healthy if you can overlook the cancer part. And I am looking forward to a healthier, stronger future. 

Yesterday was the winter solstice. The earth has tilted and we will be gaining light every day! I’m taking this as an opportunity to move forward, away from diagnosis and early cancer and move toward health and healing, straight and vitality.

We have full days ahead of us in our family, we have quite a few traditions that we’ll be enjoying around here, and who knows we may start some new traditions. We are always open for that possibility! 

I can honestly say I feel reasonably strong these days and I can honestly add that it is in great part because of the love and support I get from you, my family, my friends, my community near and far. I am feeling hopeful and grateful and am looking to the light!

All the blessings of the season to you and yours.

Happy Holidays

Love

Janet

good morning

Just a short update to let you all know that chemo came off without a hitch, uneventful, as it should. So no surprises, no real news. Dr. Kaplan mentioned xeloda and thought we might discuss going back to it. I’m sure he read may face when he quickly said, “Maybe not just before Christmas, maybe next time, after the new year.”  yeah…for sure not now. I mentioned waiting until after the next scan (now scheduled for January 22) and he liked that idea. I go in for my next chemo on Jan 6. The question now: Is it harder to take the xeloda (less of a dose, I’m assuming) and worry about the xeloda or is it harder to wait until Jan 22 and find out that not enough is happening with the epirubicin and oxalaplatin, without their poisonous little buddy, xeloda. I think I’ll leave it up to the master Doctor, but it is a little troubling either way. We’ll cross that bridge on Jan. 6, until then there are holidays to celebrate!

Happy Hanukkah my friends! I believe last night was the first night…enjoy your family and friends during this time of celebration!

Betty took off this morning for Kansas City to celebrate with her family…Merry Christmas and love to all of you!! Betty flies back Christmas day so will be here in the evening with us. In the meantime that means we get Gertie! 

I’m supposed to take it easy these next few days after chemo, it is not in my nature as if you don’t know that by now, but it is a lot easier with a little pup to snuggle with! Move over, Gertie! Here I come!

With love and light as we move toward the Winter Solstice,

Janet

This is a sweet picture of Gertie (on the left) and Rudy (on the right),

last Christmas with their Christmas rug and sock monkey.

Gertie always looks sad when Betty is gone and Rudy always just barely tolerated all of us!

I guess I’m a football fan now…that was a great game. I made a big pot of black bean and squash chili with kale and we ended up with a house full of millennials! What a great way to spend a Sunday…Go Hawks!

Today is the day before chemo #7. It seems to me that I’ve had many more than 7 treatments, but I’ve double checked and that is it. Three treatments prior to my hospitalization and 3 since my release. After only being able to handle 3 treatments prior to the hospital, this last one was particularly concerning. I kept “feeling” for the same feelings that got me into the hospital. But all is well without the xeloda and now I’m on to number 7.

The week prior to chemo (which is the 3rd week since chemo) is a bit of a funny week. Most of the strongest side effects have subsided. I can walk around without socks, and I don’t need gloves to get things out of the refrigerator. I can drink water right out of the tap but still prefer to have it a tiny bit warmed up. I have moments when my lips tingle and it feels a little like an electric current running through. I just take this feeling as reassurance that the chemo is still at work 2-3 weeks out. It is strong stuff!

But the most glaring part of week 3 is my tendency to overdo it. I’m well aware that I am coming up to chemo and I’ll be down for the count for a few days, and slow for the next week or so and I just try to get everything done. This combined with the holiday season…we’ll just say I found it difficult not to overdo things last week, this weekend… today! 

Speaking of overdoing it, Saturday we went off to Issaquah, Mike, Maggie, Michael, Eva and I to hunt for a tree to cut down. We all agreed that it seems silly to pay good money to cut down a tree and drag it in our house to die, but in spite of that, we spent a good deal of time wandering the tree farm in search of the perfect tree. We decided the perfect trees were snatched up last week and the week before. There were moments when we nearly caved…ok, this one will do…No! No! Look at it from this side! That scenario repeated itself many times. Luckily we were all in a good mood, goofy and patient, and we finally found the perfect one, ok perfect-ish!

Saturday night, the last Saturday night before chemo…you know what that means, right? Pizza! We went with Betty, Shelly, Mike, Gillian, Conor and Maggie to Delancey’s in Ballard. The pizza place I wrote about recently. Fabulous, delicious, sweet fennel sausage, tasty white pizza (usually not my favorite, this one had house made ricotta) yum with every bite! But, if you go there, make sure, like us, that you save room for dessert. We had a absolutely delicious like a lemon cloud, kind of pudding/custard/only better. Can’t remember what it is called…bodoni? bodini? something like that. What’s in a name? It was scrumptious! 

I’m 95% over my cold! Thyme and eucalyptus in the diffuser, drinking tons of water and using the nettie pot each night took pretty good care of it. Just a little stuffiness left to deal with. That means no more excuses to keep me out of the exercise room. I started back Friday and have gone downstairs everyday since for at least 45 minutes…spin bike, stretches, PT routines and a few pilates exercises.Today and tomorrow I’m going to make it an hour, then I’ll be out of it a day or so after chemo.  It feels good to feel good enough to work out a bit. I’ve been told repeatedly that exercise is a huge part of fighting cancer. Fighting cancer is my full time job, so exercise I must!

My challenge now is sleep. I’m trying different strategies, trying to stay away from the heavy meds, at least on a daily basis. I’ve been given the green light by every health care provider, including Dr. Standish at Bastyr, to use ativan liberally, and I have used it mostly at bedtime for sleep. But it is really not doing the trick anymore. A few nights I’ve tossed and turned, awake for up to 5 hours. Then the next night I have to go with the stronger stuff and I sleep like a log. Getting to sleep and staying asleep have been an ongoing challenge in my life…but this is ridiculous. I’m breathing, using essential oils, counting my blessings, meditating (as best I can), reciting my deeply ingrained catholic prayers from my childhood; repeating them like a mantra. I’m trying all the tricks from my past “normal” sleep troubled life. So, I sleep every few nights with the help of heavy duty pharmaceuticals. Better living through pharmaceuticals, they say…I say, Amen!

I read Language of Flowers last week. Thanks, Julie, I really enjoyed that story. I’m downloading (or is it uploading?) Wild to my kindle app today. I want to read it before I see it. It’s been on my list quite a while.

I have a long list of books and a high stack as well. Now that I’m caught up with The Voice and I’ve watched all the Last Tango in Halifax I have more time to read…that is until I find another series to binge watch…

Tonight we are having Lizzie and June over for dinner! I’ve avoided the baby since my cold, so I’m looking forward to some time with our neighbors.

Thank you for your love, prayers, thoughts and random acts of kindness.

Be here now...

With love 

Janet

Happy Busy Holidays

and Happy Friday, too!

Hello friends, this is my sweet week, the week I should feel the best; the week furthest from my last chemo and closest to my next. Fortunately I am getting on the right side of this cold as fast as I think anyone can. I hear out there in the real world that this cold is one that lingers. Unfortunately, I have some lingering congestion and am having trouble sleeping. It is also leaving me with even less and less energy.

More than one friend who has experienced cancer and chemo warned me about the limited energy I would be able to muster. But, surely that wouldn’t apply to me! I am a woman of great determination and stamina!! I have powered through many a long day of kindergarten followed by an evening event at school followed by another day of kindergarten. Surely this thing you call cancer won’t get the best of  me…

Famous last words. I really do have limited energy! I am not a super human.  I have to admit it and live accordingly. Today I am NOT sweeping the house and doing bills because I AM going to the store. When I first woke this morning I thought I might do both…silly girl! I did work out a bit downstairs, the first time since the cold hit, so not too rigorous. Working out a bit and doing my PT and stretches has to be my number one priority each day and it is really not in my nature, but I think of it as part of the medicine I have to take and just do it (most of the time).

We have a big weekend. Michael and Eva are coming up and Michael’s best buddy Zack is coming in from Alaska with his girlfriend Ali. I have not seen Zack since before summer, we have some catching up to do. We have a traditional family breakfast gathering tomorrow and Christmas tree shopping. Seahawks game on Sunday. I’ll not be able to do it all, I have to pace myself and stay well so I can get chemo next week and then be well to celebrate Christmas with the family on Christmas Eve.

Have a great weekend!

wishing you good health and lots of love

janet

It’s about thyme, again!

Jennifer was over yesterday and had not read the blog but smelled the thyme in the diffuser as soon as she walked in. “Mmmmm, what is…oh is that the stuff Ruth read about on the blog?” and then she started laughing. (She is laughing at us, Ruth!) She said I had to come on the blog and confess that I’m not completely healed that it did not have immediate transformative powers like Sylvester’s Magic Pebble. Ok, I still have some congestion and a sore throat each morning from mouth breathing all night, but really, I do attribute a good deal of my swift and marked improvement to the thyme oil!

At dinner last night Betty said she went to PCC and asked for thyme oil. The woman looked at her and said, “You are the 8th person this week to ask for thyme oil! We’ll order some!” Could that be you guys? So funny!

I’m trying to learn the pacing myself lesson. I did better this weekend. We had one big event and that was all I could muster. We met old friends on Bainbridge for a lovely dinner at Kathleen and Simon’s home. It was great to reconnect, reminisce and catch up before the holidays kick into full swing. 

I’m feeling ok, just the lingering bits of a cold left to deal with, but I have plenty of thyme!!!

Be here now...now the sun is trying to cut through and is shining brightly on the Douglas fir outside my window... that is now!

love,

Janet

It’s Thyme!

I believe I’ve mentioned how much I love my naturopath at Bastyr, Dr. Leanna Standish. She is so super cool and looks just like an old hippy naturopath should look (I’m sure we are the same age…I use old as a term of endearment here). One reason I like her is that she consistently mentions something about the future in a positive way. She’ll say, “When this is over…” or “When you are all done with cancer…” Every time I’ve seen her this has been just a normal part of her conversation. And because my gut has healed and my tumors are shrinking she called me a healer (meaning my body knows how to heal). I just felt more powerful hearing that. I am shockingly aware of how much those simple phrases lift me up. 

She has a powerful positive healing energy and I need that.

Dr. Standish is a naturopath who works in oncology. She does research and she is well aware of the poison I am putting into my body. She does not try to talk me out of the poison, she is boosting my systems and working to heal me throughout the course of treatment. Food, herbs, essential oils are among her tools. These are tools I’m familiar with. These are the things I want to do and I’ve certainly done them in the past B.C. and I do not know how to use them up against this poison in my body.

In fighting this cold I pulled out all my usually remedies and it just seemed futile. Sure, here is some elderberry tincture along with some homeopathic little white pellets…good luck in there with the epirubicin and oxilaplatin!!! I felt like I was spitting into the wind. I needed guidance and I found it!

Thyme oil…who knew? Not me! Thyme oil is an anti microbial (among other magical things) and Dr. Standish says this is the oil to reach for the minute you feel a cold coming on. If you have a diffuser (like I do thanks to my sister Kathy!!) drop some oil in there. Or take a bath with some thyme oil. Or take a wash cloth and get it wet with hot water, drop a few drops and inhale. Or you can be like me and do all of the above! Other good oils to add include eucalyptus, lavender and frankincense. 

Monday I started to feel this cold coming on. Tuesday I got wiped out and got no sleep Tuesday night. Wednesday I was a basket case and took measures (or you can call them drugs) to make sure I slept. Thursday I was actually feeling better and had enough energy for the trip to Bastyr and a few errands. I came home and thymed myself out, and today…it’s a miracle! My sinuses are almost completely cleared and my cough is easing. I am on the mend.  Thyme oil, people! Go get some, now!!

Pizza and Books

Has anyone been to Delancey in Ballard? I’ve been there just a couple of times and it is fabulous. I don’t know how to compare it to Serious Pie because it’s been too long since I’ve been to Delancey, but I have plans to return in the near future. 

Delancey is a pizzeria owned by a couple, Molly and Brandon. Molly is also a writer. She writes a fabulous food blog, Orangette and has published two books. Her first is titled A Homemade Life. It is a memoir with short  chapters involving her memories of food and her dad. At the end of each chapter is a recipe. Her nearly flourless chocolate cake in this book (also on her blog) is my go to cake recipe. Easy and oh so delicious!

Her latest book is titled Delancey and it is about how their pizzeria came to be. Brandon is from New Jersey and grew up on New York pizza. She writes in great detail about all his favorite pizzerias. He is also a bit of an OCD perfectionist so now every night I am reading about how many different places they tried pizza, how many different ways they tried making dough and sauce and cheese. It’s killing me! So yesterday after Bastyr, Mike and I decided to go to Whole Foods for some groceries and lunch. I felt a little like celebrating and I said “If they have pizza that is what I’m getting!” And I did…I love pizza. It was no Serious Pie, I’m sure Delancy has much better pizza, but it was pizza! I have had no gluten since Thanksgiving (and the day after) but decided that I don’t want my body to forget how to digest gluten. It needs to practice at least once a week. That makes sense, right? Well it does in my old lady hippy head!

Another shout out to Kathy...She sent me the diffuser, it is running with thyme oil and healing me as we speak, she also bought me my copy of  A Homemade Life years ago when we were in an airport together and she sent me her copy of Delancey. She is is a huge Molly Wizenberg fan and goes to Delancey when ever she visits Seattle. Thanks, sis!

Happy Friday everyone! 

Be here now, be here.

love and light to you all

janet

I really hate cancer. Not just my cancer, all cancer. It is insidious, hateful, ugly.

This weekend had a bright and a darkside. The bright side, of course was having such a wonderful Thanksgiving with so many members of the Oliver Clan. We spent Thursday and Friday at Mike’s sister, Carries, on Vashon Island. We left early enough Thursday that we didn’t even have to wait in a ferry line (this is quite remarkable for a holiday). Carrie hosted 43 family members, that’s right, 43! Of course everyone brought food and drinks but Carrie and her assistants Lillie and Lindy had the lions share of the work cut out for them; we so appreciate their efforts! The house was so cozy and welcoming, the food was delicious and oh, so plentiful, and the people were EVERYWHERE!

At first we thought it was such bad timing to have the Seahawks game right at meal time Thanksgiving evening. As it turned out, it was a blessing! We had 2 Seahawks viewing areas and that left tables and chairs in the dining area for us who are bigger fans of conversation and food! It really allowed us to spread out through the house and enjoy the different venues. Though I must admit when I was done eating, watching the game and not having to hold up my end of a conversation was the perfect activity for a worn out girl like me! Go Hawks!

We had a lovely evening, spent the night and woke up to a deluge. Typically we stay all night at Carries and then take a hike through the woods to the gravel pit. I was thinking that might not work for me this year as I was just days off of chemo and had the neuropathy thing going on. But, this year, it was just too wet and no one headed for the woods. It was Lindy’s birthday so we started the day with pancakes, cake and pie, just to celebrate! We passed the day away playing with the wee ones, Lucas and Blue, and just hanging out. Finally, it was time for turkey sandwiches and a game of fictionary! We had a very lazy day and ended up staying on the island until dark.  What a great 2 day island get away! Thank you Carrie!

I spent Saturday resting up for Saturday night. We had big plans and I had every intention of following through with them. I believe I’ve previously mentioned Gaby in this blog. Gaby lives in Seattle and also has gastric cancer. She was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago. We have 3 friends in common and when I was diagnosed I was quickly connected to Gaby through email. We have emailed off and on, numerous times since this summer and I have found her to be a wealth of information, inspiration and support. Saturday evening I finally got to meet her.

She and her family organized a fundraiser for gastric cancer. The event was held near the market and started at 5:00. She works with Jodi (Pathfinder, Aran’s mom) currently but previously she was a caterer with Glenda (a former student teacher of mine). She and her daughter prepared all the food, and I have to say this food was exceptional! Fabulous! And this woman is in active treatment for gastric cancer. It wore me out just thinking about preparing for such an event. Gaby is in a clinical trial through Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and Fred Hutchison. She is undergoing immunotherapy which as I understand it is a targeted chemotherapy that targets just the cancer cells instead of all the quick growing cells (trust me, i’m no expert, you would need to look this up if you really want to know what it is!). Gaby’s husband spoke for a while and introduced their doctor. She spoke about the work at SCCA and the Hutch. There was a fabulous positive energy in the room. I was so happy to be able to attend and to finally meet Gaby!

Gaby and her family are just as lovely as I thought they would be...fabulous people!

But, the evening does not end there. Apparently while I was in the hospital I started a movement for a group from the Oliver clan to go to the Book-It Theatre to see Pride and Prejudice. Somehow I got the ball rolling and finished up the details after I was released from the hospital in October. I always look at Book-It for Betty’s birthday in October, and since Pride and Prejudice sounds like such a great girl night out I just thought I’d spread the idea. In the end there were 9 of us with tickets to the play. We filled the van, with 7, Maggie drove on that freezing cold Saturday night, first to the fund raiser then to the play. Mike and Michael met us at the fundraiser then they came back to West Seattle to watch the Husky game. Something for everyone! 

Pride and Prejudice was a good deal of fun, a great girls night out, for sure. But I have to tell you, Thanksgiving, the overnight, the play and the cold took it right out of me. Thank goodness I had my full team here all weekend. Mike, Maggie, Michael and Eva did all the heavy lifting involved with cooking, cleaning and shopping. I mostly pointed fingers and directed their work (I like to think I’m still in control a little bit!!). Even with all their help, I’m paying the price now for such a full weekend. I’m working on fighting off a cold, my head is congested and I have no energy. Oh well, it was worth it for such a full, fun weekend!

But the dark side…cancer was a theme this weekend. For me, internally, because I was buzzing and tingling from the chemo throughout the weekend. Then there was the fund raiser which was all about cancer. Along with new information and thinking comes the second guessing…Am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing more? Don’t get me wrong….Dr. Kaplan is king in my book. I trust him and I love him! He has a tremendous amount of experience. My treatments are working, my tumors are shrinking! But there is a little voice deep down that is always wondering about the newer, alternative kinds of treatments. Usually I do not hear much from that little voice, but this weekend it was talking a little louder than usual.

In addition, my dear Jennifer’s dad, who fought a mighty battle with leukemia a couple of years ago and has been doing so well had a big relapse (not even sure if that is the right word). The cancer was hiding (as they knew his cancer might) and reared it’s ugly head again on Wednesday before Thanksgiving. God, I hate cancer. Jim’s “relapse” has just reinforced what I know to be true, that I just have to be here now and fight today. Cancer makes me acutely aware that no matter how I might plan for the future, I don’t have control. That is true for all of us, all the time, but cancer brings it to the forefront. I’m trying to plan to go back to work. I’m trying to plan a trip to Kansas City and I’m trying to plan a trip to Ireland. All I can really do is go take my supplements, drink my tea and fight off this cold so I have the strength to go through my next round of chemo in two weeks. I hate cancer.

But, I have to end on the bright side…I have to! The treatments are working, the tumors are shrinking! There is no guarantee that I might make it back to school this year…but I might! And I want to! And I’m trying! 

So all of you out there in this frozen world, stay warm! It is freakishly cold here in Seattle! Go find a kid I know and give them a hug for me! I’ll be out there hugging them myself in due time! 

Be here now, be here

With Love

Janet