One step at a time…

It is easy to get ahead of myself and try to start planning my life around the possible scenarios and outcomes of the possible treatments ahead. It is more difficult to take it one step at a time. There are just too many unknowns. Period…I believe that is a universal truth; there are many unknowns. Cancer has just highlighted that truth for me.

And control…now that is a funny notion! Just the simple fact that I wanted to have my mapping procedure on a Thursday or a Friday so I could reduce the number of days I need to have a sub. When they called to schedule an appointment, to get a Thursday or a Friday I would have had to wait a few weeks and that seems too long. So, my appointment is on Monday, February 8. The good thing is that Hillary is available, I’ll be out 3 days and Hillary, the only sub my class has had this year, will be in. I’m so fortunate to have a good regular sub…and so are the kids!

What I don’t know is, after the mapping procedure, when I will find out if I’m eligible for the radiation. My guess is that it could be right away, as the mapping is done during some kind of active scan. The 2 things I know that would make me ineligible is if the radiation “leeches” too much out of the liver and if there are tumors being fed by all 3 branches of the hepatic artery. I would imagine they can see that during the procedure so will be able to let me know that day.

If I am eligible, approximately 2 weeks later, sometime the week of February 22, I imagine, I will be having the radiation.

Until then, I’m completely consumed with my 25 six and seven year olds. I carry them with me everywhere I go. I remember when I first started my teacher training, when I was 18 and 19 years old, and I had all the trials and struggles of a young adult. I remember the hours I was with the kids, all my troubles would disappear. I remember thinking, this is like a drug, I come in here, my life completely disappears and I get lost in this world. Teaching can be all consuming, and that can be a good thing. Children demand you be in the moment with them. I stay very busy, forget I have cancer and so little control. That can be very therapeutic.

I continue getting a bounty of love from the school community, my own kids and beyond. Not a day goes by that someone does not give me extra love and attention in one form or another. Marley’s mom told me that she woke up one morning, woke her dad and insisted he help her write the most amazing intention for me. She brought it to me and asked if she could read it to the class. The next day, Lola brought me a beautiful abstract drawing that looked to me like a piece of art interpreting Marley’s intention. These kids are amazing… Here is Marley’s intention:

Isn't that lovely. I love my job, I love my kids.

Sending on to all of you some of this kid love and my own.

Janet

Greetings from first grade,

Yesterday I gave my kids the update about my health, explained the radiation treatment and drew a diagram. I started by telling them where there liver is located, under their ribs, and how the ribs are there to help protect their organs. Then, when I started talking about my liver, someone mentioned that some people eat liver. I made it clear that people don’t eat human liver, they might eat cow or chicken liver. There was talk about how yucky liver is to eat and we talked about how it is a filter, like a water filter, for the blood in our body and how important it is to stay healthy to help our liver. Then someone mentioned how yummy ribs are, and we all agreed, those of us who have eaten ribs…yes, liver is yucky and ribs are yummy. 

My very dear, Aliza, went home and gave her family a lesson along with an illustration and labels. I just have to share this.

There is my hepatic artery along with the 3 branches into the liver and the beads of radiation.

Aliza gets an A++++!

These guys crack me up!

Happy beautiful Sunday afternoon,

It is a gorgeous day here in Seattle!

We are very optimistic about our treatment plan for these little cancer spots. Here is the long story…

On a Thursday or Friday in the very near future (this week, next week or the following) I will go in for a procedure to “map” the blood flow in my liver to see if I am a candidate for Y90 radiation. All of the visible tumors are small and in the right side of my liver. This cancer is fed by blood. They will put a catheter into the artery in my groin and follow it into the hepatic artery in my liver. They will use some kind of dye rather than the radiation to follow the blood flow into my liver to see which branches of the artery are feeding the tumors and to make sure little to no radiation leeches out of my liver. After that procedure I’ll need to stay still and lie flat for 6 hours to make sure bleeding from the point of the catheter has stopped. I’ll need to miss a day of work at most, at that point. There are a couple of scenarios that would make me ineligible for this radiation (for example, if too much dye leeches out of the liver or if the tumors are being fed by every branch of the hepatic artery), but, most likely we’ll be able to proceed.

In that case, it will take 2 weeks for them to create and cook up my own special batch of radiation. When that is ready I will have the same procedure, this time with the radiation. Again, I’ll need to lie flat and still for 6 hours. The PA we talked to on Friday said that 25% of people have zero side effects. He said most likely I’ll have fatigue and some mild pain. My hope would be to have the procedure on a Friday and take the next week off. Hopefully that would be all I would need. Of course there is the other 25% that need more time; but we’ll cross that bridge at the end of the first week!

During the mapping procedure, if they find that the tumors are being fed by 2 branches of the artery, they would repeat this procedure one month later. With the location of my tumors, it looks like I’ll only need one procedure, but he could not say for sure. That will be determined in the mapping procedure.

At that point there is really nothing more to do for the next 3 months. They have found that they really need to wait 3 months after this procedure before they can get a clear scan. In a way, that seems to be a long time, but this seems to be slow growing cancer, so it should be just fine in my case.

Dr. Kaplan thinks this is the best treatment for me at this point and he does not want to do any chemotherapy in conjunction with it…well neither do I! So, if I do get the radiation, that means no chemo!! 

That suits me just fine!

The PA said he would start the paper work for approval from insurance and tomorrow morning I will call and make my appointment. I’ll let you know about my appointments when I find out for sure.

This past week at school has been so emotional. People are so very lovely. A number of my peers went right to David, our principal to ask about donating leave to me (which I will need). I received a most beautiful bouquet of flowers from the special ed department, arranged by my teacher friend Janelle, gorgeous! I have been hugged and hugged by parents, teachers and kids alike! We have such a great community at Pathfinder!

The kids are amazing! I’ve had groups of kids show up with cards made by themselves and their classmates, it’s just been so very sweet! 

But first graders…they take the cake! I let them know last Tuesday morning that my cancer was back, I was going to have to be out, I didn’t know when or for how long, but I would find them an excellent teacher. I debated about telling them so soon, knowing there were so many unknowns. But, they are perceptive and as soon as word started getting out, they would pick up on it. Also, at the time, I thought I was in for chemotherapy and would be out, perhaps for the rest of the year. So, I told them. We had this great conversation, they were sad and worried and very dear. We talked about people they know who have been sick or who died. I let the conversation go on for a while, so we could all process and then I knew when I could stop. If you have ever been a teacher of young children, you know this is a fact…every single conversation, if you let it go long enough, has the potential to end up in the same place…and when our conversation got to this point, I knew I could wrap it up. This topic is dead pets. And not just their pets, pets of their neighbors, pets that are part of their families history; the cat their grandma had when she was a little girl, the dog their daddy grew up with. They are so terribly sad this pet is gone and even more sad that they never knew it. So as soon as we started talking about dead cats, I knew I could stop the conversation for that day!

The next day…in comes Quinn, such a card, he stops in his tracks, looks at me, and says, Hey, I thought you’d be gone with cancer!  And next over Aiden J…remember that bad news? My bad news, I ask. Yea he says. Yea, I remember. It almost made me sad. Then…It almost made me cry.

They are too cute and funny and I’m lucky to spend my days with them and so hopeful that I won’t need tons of time off!

I will keep you posted. Thank you for the prayers, hugs, and good wishes. We are feeling great about this treatment plan and feeling healthy and positive.

Love to you all

Janet

Radiation Consultation

This afternoon Mike and I met with the Interventional Radiology Physician Assistant, nice guy, named Paul. The short story is that it sounds like a very potential good option for me. Sometimes it is done in conjunction with systemic chemo, sometimes chemo is prescribed a little later, sometimes there is no chemo involved; that would be up to Dr. Kaplan. I’ve emailed him and will most likely hear from him this weekend.

If it is radiation alone, and all goes well, it really would be so much better than having to do chemo…for so many reasons. BUT…I’m not counting my chickens before they hatch, I’m not getting my hopes up and I’m just going to take it one step at a time. I don't even want to spell out the details yet, it seems too soon. All that being said…I’m hopeful!

As anyone at school can tell you my spirits are up, I am feeling really good and healthy and taking this all one day at a time. I have a number of school stories I want to share, but not right now…now that I’m home and fed and it’s Friday night, I’m feeling the week and ready to call it a day. I’ll blog when I hear from Dr. Kaplan.

Good night, sweet dreams, and lots of hope and love.

Janet

A short~mid-week~update

I'm feeling fine...great, actually. If I did not know there was cancer in there I would never know there was cancer in there!
Last time I had to deal with health leave and long term subs and the details and paper work involved it was summer and I had time! Dealing with this, while teaching full time...well, let's just say, I have 2 jobs now. In spite of that, I really do feel fine.
I have good energy.
I am mostly happy and enjoying my days with my kids (probably more because I know they are numbered).

Friday at 4 I have an appointment with a radiologist to talk about a procedure that may (or may not) be a good choice for me. It is called Y90 and has something to do with blood vessels and "seeds" of radiation ??? Mike googled it and read it to me and it sounds weird, but, we'll see. Amazing what they can do these days. My good Dr. Kaplan said I may or may not be a candidate, he trusts this doctor (Andrews) has had 2 good long conversations with him and we'll just see. If not...well, it will most likely be chemo.

ok, it's a school night. I'm off to bed.

Thanks to all who are sending texts, emails and love in many forms...I got the coolest lift the flap card from Ayana today (one of my former students) so, very, very sweet! I'm telling you, being around kids you love and love you back...it really can't get more healing and supportive.

ok, ok, that is enough for now

lots of love, good night and sweet dreams...
Janet

dammit

it’s back

There is no nicer way to say it, really. 

There are actually many other ways to say it and I just deleted a bunch of them. Dammit is good enough for my blog. You can read between the lines.

Just 5 or 6 spots on the liver, scattered about.

Dr. K has not decided exactly the course of treatment, I just had the scan today, so I’m glad he is taking his time and looking into it.

but

what is for sure is I need to go back on leave and I’m just so sad to leave my kids.

I’m not sure when and for how long. I’m sure soon is part of the answer. The other thing I know is I will fight this off again, I just can’t do it and lead a normal life at the same time. That is mutually exclusive.

I have a 3 day weekend to cry with my family and drink wine and eat all the foods that are not salty that I love. Then I will go back to work for at least a week, maybe 2 if I’m lucky and then I will be ready to battle.

We know how to do this, we did it before, we’ll do it again.

Thank you all,

Janet

Happy New Year!

I hope this blog post finds you enjoying the new year.

We didn’t get a holiday card out this year, but if we had…this is what it would have looked like…

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

That is our family at the Pike Place Market on Christmas Eve, a tradition that we have kept yearly since Michael was a baby. We usually go with only a few tasty treats to buy for the holiday gatherings. We enjoy lunch together and the good vibe the Market has to offer. Back in the day the Market was nearly empty on Christmas Eve, that is not the case anymore. It is quite a busy spot the day before Christmas.

What a difference a year can make.  Last year we kept up our traditions and I made it to and through all the events, but looking back, oh my gosh, I was miserable and so scared. So afraid it was my last; my last 

Thanksgiving, my last Christmas, my last birthday and New Year’s Day. This year I feel like an ex con must feel…free! Freedom! I have felt so happy and light; giddy at times. My birthday, to me was the biggest difference. Last year, and I remember writing about this, I cried all day. I cried through dinner and cake and presents. This year I had a fabulous day. I woke up early and went to bed late, a few friends came over for coffee in the morning.  Maggie, Michael, Eva, Mike and Betty fixed me a fabulous dinner.  I enjoyed every second of the day. I feel like a different person. And now it is a new year; a cancer free year!

A Health Update

Here is what I know about heart failure:

They measure something called the ejection fraction which has something to do with how strong the heart squeezes. A “normal” ejection fraction is about 55%. With heart failure your ejection fraction does not improve quickly, if at all. It is not something that just changes over night.

When I had heart failure my ejection fraction was at 35% which is considered advanced heart failure. The first day of break I had an echocardiogram, it measured my ejection fraction at 45%! This is so much better than we would have expected this quickly. I have not seen my doc yet, and won’t get to until February, but the nurse that called me was very excited with this progress. I continue to take 3 heart meds, keep my sodium low and my fluids limited, and do a cardio routine 5-6 days a week. I guess it’s working! Cause for celebration!

I also had a fasting blood draw over break and all those numbers look good, too. Kidneys are at risk with the fluid/sodium balance being tricky and my kidneys look good. Everything else is ok, too! So…here I am, 2016; starting from a place of health!

January 15 I have my next scan to make sure that cancer is still at bay. I’ll be sure and post after we get the results. In the meantime, I’ll be taking many deep breaths, keeping the anxiety in check. 

We head back to school tomorrow. First graders in January are a little bit of a treat. All the work from the fall has had time to simmer and settle. They’ve missed each other and maybe even me, just a little bit. They are happy to be back and I’ll be happy to see them.

I hope you are well and ready to take on this new year.

Lots of love from me and my family!

Janet

Lunch at the Market

Lunch at the Market

After Book of Mormon

New Year's Eve

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Thank you Betty for the beautiful cake.