I really hate cancer. Not just my cancer, all cancer. It is insidious, hateful, ugly.

This weekend had a bright and a darkside. The bright side, of course was having such a wonderful Thanksgiving with so many members of the Oliver Clan. We spent Thursday and Friday at Mike’s sister, Carries, on Vashon Island. We left early enough Thursday that we didn’t even have to wait in a ferry line (this is quite remarkable for a holiday). Carrie hosted 43 family members, that’s right, 43! Of course everyone brought food and drinks but Carrie and her assistants Lillie and Lindy had the lions share of the work cut out for them; we so appreciate their efforts! The house was so cozy and welcoming, the food was delicious and oh, so plentiful, and the people were EVERYWHERE!

At first we thought it was such bad timing to have the Seahawks game right at meal time Thanksgiving evening. As it turned out, it was a blessing! We had 2 Seahawks viewing areas and that left tables and chairs in the dining area for us who are bigger fans of conversation and food! It really allowed us to spread out through the house and enjoy the different venues. Though I must admit when I was done eating, watching the game and not having to hold up my end of a conversation was the perfect activity for a worn out girl like me! Go Hawks!

We had a lovely evening, spent the night and woke up to a deluge. Typically we stay all night at Carries and then take a hike through the woods to the gravel pit. I was thinking that might not work for me this year as I was just days off of chemo and had the neuropathy thing going on. But, this year, it was just too wet and no one headed for the woods. It was Lindy’s birthday so we started the day with pancakes, cake and pie, just to celebrate! We passed the day away playing with the wee ones, Lucas and Blue, and just hanging out. Finally, it was time for turkey sandwiches and a game of fictionary! We had a very lazy day and ended up staying on the island until dark.  What a great 2 day island get away! Thank you Carrie!

I spent Saturday resting up for Saturday night. We had big plans and I had every intention of following through with them. I believe I’ve previously mentioned Gaby in this blog. Gaby lives in Seattle and also has gastric cancer. She was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago. We have 3 friends in common and when I was diagnosed I was quickly connected to Gaby through email. We have emailed off and on, numerous times since this summer and I have found her to be a wealth of information, inspiration and support. Saturday evening I finally got to meet her.

She and her family organized a fundraiser for gastric cancer. The event was held near the market and started at 5:00. She works with Jodi (Pathfinder, Aran’s mom) currently but previously she was a caterer with Glenda (a former student teacher of mine). She and her daughter prepared all the food, and I have to say this food was exceptional! Fabulous! And this woman is in active treatment for gastric cancer. It wore me out just thinking about preparing for such an event. Gaby is in a clinical trial through Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and Fred Hutchison. She is undergoing immunotherapy which as I understand it is a targeted chemotherapy that targets just the cancer cells instead of all the quick growing cells (trust me, i’m no expert, you would need to look this up if you really want to know what it is!). Gaby’s husband spoke for a while and introduced their doctor. She spoke about the work at SCCA and the Hutch. There was a fabulous positive energy in the room. I was so happy to be able to attend and to finally meet Gaby!

Gaby and her family are just as lovely as I thought they would be...fabulous people!

But, the evening does not end there. Apparently while I was in the hospital I started a movement for a group from the Oliver clan to go to the Book-It Theatre to see Pride and Prejudice. Somehow I got the ball rolling and finished up the details after I was released from the hospital in October. I always look at Book-It for Betty’s birthday in October, and since Pride and Prejudice sounds like such a great girl night out I just thought I’d spread the idea. In the end there were 9 of us with tickets to the play. We filled the van, with 7, Maggie drove on that freezing cold Saturday night, first to the fund raiser then to the play. Mike and Michael met us at the fundraiser then they came back to West Seattle to watch the Husky game. Something for everyone! 

Pride and Prejudice was a good deal of fun, a great girls night out, for sure. But I have to tell you, Thanksgiving, the overnight, the play and the cold took it right out of me. Thank goodness I had my full team here all weekend. Mike, Maggie, Michael and Eva did all the heavy lifting involved with cooking, cleaning and shopping. I mostly pointed fingers and directed their work (I like to think I’m still in control a little bit!!). Even with all their help, I’m paying the price now for such a full weekend. I’m working on fighting off a cold, my head is congested and I have no energy. Oh well, it was worth it for such a full, fun weekend!

But the dark side…cancer was a theme this weekend. For me, internally, because I was buzzing and tingling from the chemo throughout the weekend. Then there was the fund raiser which was all about cancer. Along with new information and thinking comes the second guessing…Am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing more? Don’t get me wrong….Dr. Kaplan is king in my book. I trust him and I love him! He has a tremendous amount of experience. My treatments are working, my tumors are shrinking! But there is a little voice deep down that is always wondering about the newer, alternative kinds of treatments. Usually I do not hear much from that little voice, but this weekend it was talking a little louder than usual.

In addition, my dear Jennifer’s dad, who fought a mighty battle with leukemia a couple of years ago and has been doing so well had a big relapse (not even sure if that is the right word). The cancer was hiding (as they knew his cancer might) and reared it’s ugly head again on Wednesday before Thanksgiving. God, I hate cancer. Jim’s “relapse” has just reinforced what I know to be true, that I just have to be here now and fight today. Cancer makes me acutely aware that no matter how I might plan for the future, I don’t have control. That is true for all of us, all the time, but cancer brings it to the forefront. I’m trying to plan to go back to work. I’m trying to plan a trip to Kansas City and I’m trying to plan a trip to Ireland. All I can really do is go take my supplements, drink my tea and fight off this cold so I have the strength to go through my next round of chemo in two weeks. I hate cancer.

But, I have to end on the bright side…I have to! The treatments are working, the tumors are shrinking! There is no guarantee that I might make it back to school this year…but I might! And I want to! And I’m trying! 

So all of you out there in this frozen world, stay warm! It is freakishly cold here in Seattle! Go find a kid I know and give them a hug for me! I’ll be out there hugging them myself in due time! 

Be here now, be here

With Love

Janet