I have to admit I’ve never been to a Jewish ceremony without leaving and thinking, I wish I was Jewish! (We live in a very progressive part of the country. I’m sure that is not the case for every Jewish community in the country, and now we are having  these ridiculous times with so many threats to Jewish communities…I can’t even begin to go into feelings about that.) I’ve been to several Shivas and Jewish memorials that have been so touching and emotional. I’ve been invited to join Chanukah and Passover celebrations in the past. I am always so impressed with the youth during their Bat Mitzvah or Bar Mitzvah. The community I participate with the most is a very joyful, progressive, inclusive community in West Seattle. I have many friends who are members of that congregation and every time I’m invited to join them, I am so impressed with the abundant love they share among themselves and beyond.

But my point is that one of my favorite things about Jewish tradition (I know this is silly, but it is true) is the ritual of Spring Cleaning that comes with Passover. Yes, I am one of those! I used to really get into spring cleaning marathons (of course they were in the summer after school was out) but I simply do not have the energy to sustain that kind of activity. So, I really needed Mike. Monday morning, one full week after chemo I woke up feeling energized and overall better than I have for a long time. I really think Gaby was pushing me out of my funk! AND I realized I had Mike trapped! He was off pain killers but couldn’t drive yet. He had done a great job of icing for more than 48 hours. He was feeling lots better. It was a rainy morning (shocking!).  We started with his closet and drawers. I worked on a couple of mine at the same time. In the afternoon, for our big outing, I drove us to the Goodwill drop and we left 3 garbage bags and 2 paper bags worth of sweaters, coats, shoes and clothing. I felt the bedroom breathe a sigh of relief!

The next 2 days taxes hijacked my greater plan. Of course it did not take the full 2 days but I could not rally to bring on other projects at the same time. Thursday came and we tackled one of our hall closets that morning and on Friday morning the other one; the one known as the hardware closet, the battery closet, the lightbulb closet, the dvd closet, the game closet…you get the idea!  I could not have done those closets on my own and it feels so good to clear out the old. Mike took baby steps back to work starting on Thursday with an afternoon meeting and Friday afternoon in the office (I think my cleaning jag had him pining for work!). But we made a dent and on the rainy days ahead I can finish up where we left off.

We did have some sunshine this week that we tried to take advantage of, too. Thursday afternoon was lovely and I made it outside to do a little yard work for about half an hour or so. Spring is definitely trying to break through this dreary winter. And I am resolved, on sunny and warm days, to get my butt out of this house! I need some of nature's Vitamin D and all the good that comes from our extremely beautiful corner of the county. 

I’ve had many messages of love coming through various forms of communication this week. Including the yummy food from the meal train and others. Your generosity and goodness often make me cry, which is a good thing. Thank you all for the food, messages, cards, thoughts, prayers and positive energy in any form you muster!

Tomorrow I see Dr. Standish. Tuesday will be sunny and you can find me at Alki in the afternoon (just putting my request to the sun out to the universe...). Wednesday I have chemo. Then I have 2 weeks to feel better again.

Lots of love to you all.

Janet

Soon after I was first diagnosed with gastric cancer I had people from two different circles of my life telling me with urgency there was someone I needed to meet; Gaby. Jodi is the mom of one of my former students, Aran, and she worked with Gaby at Harborview. Glenda was a former student teacher of mine and a good friend of my friend Eddie. Gaby and Glenda had run a catering business together years ago and continued to be good friends. So they hooked us up and I had my first stomach cancer friend.

 I know I’ve mentioned Gaby on the blog more than once; she and her family were the force driving the fundraisers the last 3 years. Our cancers were very different; they were both gastric cancer, stage 4 but they were different kinds of cancer metastasizing in different ways. I’m so very sad to say Gaby passed on Friday. She was at home with her family at her side. 

Just the week prior Gaby was going to come visit me on Thursday the 9th. On Monday she let me know that she would not be able to make it. Things had taken a turn for the worse for her. Luckily I was feeling well enough by then to make the drive to Ballard so I went to visit her. I am so glad that I did. There was no question what was happening. Her time was just about up. I was unaware that some time ago Gaby had been told she had six months to live. She was the picture of peace and grace, she was as ready as one can be. Just by visiting her that day I know I learned some lessons.

Gaby was a force for good; a tiny woman with seemingly unlimited energy. She had been diagnosed with cancer about a year prior to me. She tried chemo once, I believe and knew it was not for her. She went on to take part in more than one clinical trial through Fred Hutchison and she did very well on Keytruda. It shrunk all the tumors in her liver (one of the reasons we were so hopeful about Keytruda…everybody’s body is different, for sure). Between and during these treatments Gaby went on to live her life. She traveled a great deal. She kept working full time up until recently, then cut back  and was working part time until maybe 2 weeks ago. She even went in just the week before last to tie up loose ends. She was a force and a ball of energy for all things good!

Yesterday we went to a gathering in her home with her husband Don and her 2 grown kids Ari and Miles. I was happy to meet some of  Gaby’s friends and her mom. I knew Gaby was a generous, patient, kind woman, and all of that was reinforced with more details of her life. It was a beautiful gathering. There will be a memorial later this spring.

I’m sure you can understand that there are no words for me to say how much I will  miss Gaby. We did not see each other alot, but we typically emailed once a week or so to check in on each other. She was a lovely, couragous, generous, caring friend.

updates

I had chemo last Monday and had the typical tired, kind of depressing days following chemo. I was feeling well enough to take Mike to have his meniscus surgery on Friday. When he was released to go home he was actually able to bear weight and has not needed crutches or even a walking stick. Friday night, due to all the local anesthesia he was doing great. Saturday and Sunday the stiffness and soreness set in. He did a great job of icing and elevating so I think he is doing as well as he could. He wants to be an un-patient patient but I try my best not to let him. He is wanting to start rehab and it is only 3 days after surgery. The doctor said 2 weeks rest for the knee and I made sure the doctor repeated that a few times. I still have to remind him it is NOT time for rehab. That knee needs some time to heal.

Today is one week from chemo and I woke feeling better than I have for months. Seems 1/2 dose might be a more reasonable dose for my system. And that thought of a whole week before chemo makes me so happy!

So we are well. Fighting the fight. Healing….healing…healing.

Thank you Lisa D for starting the meal train for us. This is perfect timing. And thanks to all the meal train contributors. We so appreciate you helping us while we are both trying to heal.

My love to you all

Janet

PS: I am unable to reply to my replies on previous posts. For awhile I could reply on my phone, now that doesn’t even work! So to those who have left comments. I thank you.

Marcia, it is so good to hear from you! I still am so very grateful for you for all you did to help Michael and Maggie at WSHS. I don’t know how they remain operational without you!! Hope you are enjoying retirement!

Shelly, hope that puffy coat is working out for you in Minneapolis! Hope you are well. We miss you!

Kathy, Thank you, we could definitely use some of your sunlight! Soak it up!

Thank you, Kay, I appreciate you keeping up with us! Hope you are well.

Marsena, Love you always, xoxoxoxo

And of course, xoxoxoxo to you and all of yours Jamie!

Rebuilding and Healing

That has been my goal this week. 

Rebuilding my stamina and strength,

Healing my heart and soul.

I use this word frequently…slog. It has been a slog. I picked that word up as we hiked up the cliffs near Kilkee in Ireland. As I huffed and puffed my way up someone said to me, “It’s a slog, isn’t it?” I’ve held on to that word and used it liberally. Yes, it is a slog.

I have been persistent on the treadmill and with some easy yoga  and my meditation. I’ve been consistently but slowly progressing my diet, eating lots of protein, but still low fiber all around. It’s a slog, but I’m not giving up.

Tomorrow is my next chemo. Haven’t had chemo since early February! I feel the tumors growing so I am anxious to get back on the poison. I think my stomach is ready to take it but I fear the little energy I have is at risk. Last time I spoke with Dr. K the plan was 1/2 dose every other week. We’ll see if I can tolerate that amount and if that amount is enough to fight the beast.

Mike's toe is well healed! No big bumps in that road. This week he has a second opinion on his knee and may be getting meniscus surgery on Friday. We have his sister Carrie to help us that day and the kids on board for the weekend. I'm calling us a Series of Unfortunate Events...but this is enough! Wouldn't you agree!

I braved the world (ok, just West Seattle) last night. I put on Jathy and we went to the Admiral Theatre to see Hidden Figures. What a fabulous movie and a story that needed to be told. Don’t think I would have done it without Jathy. She gives me the super power of not looking or feeling so very sick!

Here are some pictures I meant to post last week…

Thank you all for emails, notes, visits and love and support from near and far.

We send our love back to you!
Janet

Kathy and me in 2013 smooching on her grandson, Hunter...very smoochable baby!!

Kathy's hair a couple of weeks ago.



Kathy's hair cut!

So cute and sassy!

Me and Jathy!

My sister Kathy and I looked nothing alike growing up. She was tall and thin with red wavy hair. I was short and squat with straight light brown hair. No one would guess us to be sisters, really. As we aged we grew to look more and more alike until as adults people just rolled their eyes when we would identify each other as a sister. “Oh really, I never would have guessed!” they might say. One time my mom was visiting us here and then she flew to Colorado to visit Kathy. As she was going up the escalator in the Denver Airport she saw Kathy, thought it was me and wondered how I beat her to Colorado? One of the things that identified us so easily was our hair. Hers was still wavy and long and mine was still straight and usually shorter but we transitioned through the same spectrum of colors: reddish, blondish, grey-ish, white-ish and so on. Our brother Paul has our same color hair. Miraculously, our mom’s hair is still red…hmmm! Amazing!

A couple of weeks ago Kathy called me and told me she decided to cut her hair. She’d already made many phone calls and found a place in Kirkland to make a wig from her hair for me. I was shocked and surprised. This was completely out of the blue.

Kathy has always had long hair and at that time it was really long! I called and made an appointment with Kurt at Anton’s Hair Company in Kirkland. I had to cancel this first appointment as I was in the hospital. But Betty and I made it out there on this past Monday for my fitting. Kurt was so kind and lovely. He showed us Kathy’s hair, already there and waiting. He told us all about the process and then put thick plastic wrap to cover my head. Next he took tape and taped it across my head to form the shape of my skull. He trimmed the excess plastic and voila! There is my skull shape. 

The turn around was quick! Friday my friend Beth took me back to Kirkland to meet what we now refer to as Jathy, my new wig! I was overwhelmed! It fits perfectly. He used double stick tape to secure it to my head. He brushed and styled it. We left it a little long and no kind of bangs yet, as this cut will not grow back, and I can always cut it a little more later if I want.

Jathy changed everything. Just knowing I can have hair makes me feel better. To be able to not  automatically be the sick one in the room, to have people react to me as me and not a sick person, to look a little more like me. I am so grateful to my sister for this and to members of my family who pitched in on this quite expensive endeavor! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I am healing a little more everyday. I am making progress in my diet, adding some food and doing okay. I am working on building my strength. I went to see Tricia for a little PT work and to help me get back on track. I’ll see her again next week. I am doing some gentle morning and evening yoga. I’m meditating most every day one or two times! I’m building up my time on the treadmill. I’m trying. But I can tell I’m still a bit anemic, my legs weigh a ton and I’m tired a good deal of the time. I am fighting anxiety left and right, up and down. I could really use some more energy to heal my body and mind.

I saw Dr. Standish yesterday and she was quite impressed with how I looked (I was wearing Jathy!). She agrees with Dr. Kaplan’s plan which is nice to hear, reinforcing. She gave me a Vitamin B shot to boost my red blood cells and give me a mood boost. I have to say I did not really feel much different, but I am hoping it is helping fight my anemia.

It is a beautiful day in Seattle today. A bit chilly but the sun is shining, the sky is blue with white puffy clouds. The kids are coming over tonight to cook dinner for us. Today will be a good day!

Sending love and gratitude to you all!

Janet

Good day my friends.
I am improving a bit everyday. It is a slow process, regaining my strength, stamina, appetite and allowing my stomach to heal and take in new low fiber~high protein foods each day. But I am on that road. It's somewhat familiar, actually. I think this is what the process has been after each stay in the hospital.

I've slept more in the past week than I can remember. I am NOT a napper as a rule (not to be confused with my husband...he can fall asleep in a nod, almost any time of day!). Up until yesterday there was no way to keep my eyes open in the afternoon. I was taking one or two hour naps each day. I knew it was helping my body to heal and I couldn't have fought it off if I tried. Yesterday I just rested, with no sleep and today we were on the go with appointments and only had time for a small rest. I'm trying to work with this body to give it what it needs but I also have to push it to build back my strength and stamina. That stay in the hospital just took all the wind out of my sail.

Today Mike and I went to see Dr. Kaplan so he could see how I was doing out of the hospital and make a new plan. Dr. Kaplan could see that I was improving. He was optimistic and hopeful, but not giddy about it, mind you. I asked (knowing the answer) if there was any way he could tell which had harmed my stomach, the taxol or the cyramza. Answer: no. Oh well. What we did learn is that it had started to work. And if we know something is working it is a hell of a lot more attractive than some other chemo that we have no idea about.

So the new plan: I have two weeks to build back my strength and stamina and get my stomach ready. In two weeks I'm going back on the taxol and cyramza, at a lower (maybe 1/2 dose) and every other week verses three weeks on, one week off. The plan is both taxol and cyramza every other week.

 Dr. Kaplan first suggested next week and I knew that was just too soon. I told him I'd contact him next week to let him know how I was doing but I need two weeks to gather up all the ingredients to go back in to this with eyes wide open. Lots of wherewithal, determination, persistence, positivity, strength, stamina, optimism, serenity, light and peace in my heart, not to mention a healthy gut! I need 2 weeks.

The sock/hat fairies continue to show up at just such the perfect times! You all have been so generous and thoughtful to me. I am so grateful for all the support of my Pathfinder families. You are dear to me and you really lift me up. The cards I am getting are so touching. Your kids (my kids!!) are so encouraging and their notes are  filled with love. I can't tell you how much all of this means to me.

We've also had plenty of friends bringing us food (well, really for Mike, my diet is too boring!). This has been so helpful as he has had plenty to do to take care of me. I think we're good for now though. We have 2 weeks and if we need more support at that time, we will give a little yelp out into this blogosphere!

Mike's toe is healing nicely, thank goodness! Next on his list is repairing some tears in his knee! That man has to stay strong to take care of me, and vice versa!

Sending love and peace and a special light to you all.
Sincerely
Janet