Y-90: Formidable

1st Grade: Formidable

Me: Burnt Toast

Man...I don't want to be a whiner but the last 3 weeks have been quite challenging. 

I went back to work one week prior to report cards being due. I had anticipated and prepared for this prior to my leave for the radiation. I had collected about 1/2 the data I needed. But, for first grade, especially in reading and math, they have those big growth spurts and so I had to do a lot of assessing those first 4 days back. The kids had a great time, we had lots of math choice or writing choice, etc, as I pulled kids and assessed them individually or in small groups. It was intense and a great deal of paper shuffling and extra time. Then that first weekend I spent the better part of Saturday  and Sunday filling out the report cards online and planning curriculum for the next week and beyond. I didn't really get much of a break that weekend, and probably really needed one.

My second week back to work my pain really started to increase. I had no pain in the morning, it usually started at 3 or 4 or 5 in the afternoon. The pain messed with my sleep. I was also having trouble eating. I had little appetite (that is NOT like me) and food was just slow making it's way down. But then, somedays the pain would creep in during the middle of the day. So, now, I'm not getting a lot of sleep, can’t eat much and I'm having pain creeping in during the day. On Wednesday, I went in and checked in with Dr. Kaplan. He had my blood work done and could see no problems there. He poked around and listed to my heart and lungs. He said he really just thought it was still from the radiation. He said he could order an endoscopy, but thought it was not necessary. Well, if you don't think its necessary, I don't want it! He encouraged me to just up my pain meds and stick it out. Okay. As we left his office I said to Mike, "I'm not dying and I can keep working." Mike said he didn't think those should be in the same sentence. I said at least they were in the right order. We were relieved. We had a Dr. K blessing and hope.

But on Friday that week, I had a pretty heavy wave of pain mid-afternoon. I got everyone reading quietly (such a beautiful thing this time of first grade), thank goodness Mary was there and I could leave them in her more than capable hands and take a break until the pain reliever kicked in. 

And then, the pain just kept getting worse.  I finally found the formula to a good nights sleep, but it involves some pretty heavy duty pharmaceuticals, and I hate going there...but I HAVE to sleep. For this last week before break, I found a sub for Monday and Thursday afternoons  (the mornings are always ok, and the pain creeps in at random times in the afternoon) and scheduled a sub for Friday. On Tuesday afternoon, I had to leave work right after the kids as I was struggling. I came home, laid in the dark, listening to my guided meditation and doing all I could to calm my anxieties and lessen the pain. It was not a pretty sight. Mike came in just before 5 and insisted I call the doc again. Dr. K got on the phone and said he would order a scan, they would call me in the morning with the next available time. Wednesday morning they called and I had a scan scheduled at 4:10 that afternoon.

Mike came to school, picked me up about 3:30 and off we went. The last scan of the day. I knew Dr. Kaplan would call as soon as he  knew anything, I knew it would not be that night, so I just tried to put it out of my mind. I missed his call Thursday afternoon, but he left a voice mail. Before I listened I noticed it was just 9 seconds long. What can you say in 9 seconds. You can say, call me back or come see me tomorrow (that would be bad news, for sure). What he said was, "This is Dr. Kaplan, your scan looks "globilybear" all your lesions are getting smaller. Hope you're doing ok." Maggie thinks "globilybear" was globally better...I'm not sure at all what it was, but it doesn't matter...right...all your lesions are getting smaller. Wow! Unbelievable! So this is pain with a purpose and it was a huge relief. After that I emailed him with more details about my pain and he prescribed some even stronger stuff. I'm on that now and I think it might be helping.

I believe I have the red-head syndrome regarding pain. It is a real thing. My mom, a red-head, carries around an article and shows it to all of her doctors. Red heads feel pain more intently, more intensely. I always thought I could bear so much pain. I’ve sucked up a lot of pain in my days, 2 natural childbirths I’m proud to say! Also, I spend a lot of time around 5, 6, and 7 year olds, and you really can’t complain to them! They always got a loose tooth or some kind of owie to trump you! But, back to redheads…my mom, my sister and my brother, always had red hair. I’ve had reddish hair on occasion (on it’s own, my hair has changed colors many times!). So, I’m convinced that is part of my issue. Bottom line, Y-90 is still kicking my ass and IT IS SHRINKING THE LESIONS!!! 

On Monday I have tickets to go see my mom in KC. I was ready to cancel because of all this pain, but I’m going to go after all. I called mom and told her about my pain, that I may just want to lay on the couch, period. She is cool with that. She said she hates to see her kids in pain, so bring her some of the pain meds, too! What a hoot!

So, we are relieved, to say the least! I have one week to relax in KC and get through this pain. The cancer is shrinking. I’m not going to go back to work full time until the pain is GONE! I can work mornings and I’ve got word out to some awesome subs, so I know the kids will be fine. I have to finishing riding this wave and I can't do it while working full time, this I have learned!

Thank you all for your love and support.

My teacher friends have been so good to me, helping me, holding me up!

We are still here, still fighting this most formidable foe!

Happy Spring

Love,

Janet