We had a great time in Portland last weekend. It was a mini-vacation to help us get ready for our big vacation. It was good to get away. Portland really has so many yummy restaurants and we found our way into a few of them. But the highlight was hanging out with friends watching Michael play baseball on Father’s Day. What a treat! Maggie’s down there this weekend doing the same thing. I’d never spent much time in Portland until the kids lived there. It has been fun over these years visiting them now and then, but I have to say, I’m so excited they’ll both be in Seattle soon.

I haven’t talked too much about Wilson lately….He has been a LOT of work recently. He has many anxieties and as soon as we started opening up the house  this spring his anxieties really flared up. Way too much barking! We’ve been trying to desensitize him to the noises, working on lots of praise and practice and training. We’re using the thunder shirt, clicker training, homeopathic anti-anxiety drops and jumping through all kinds off hoops. We were about at our wits end last week and got him on doggy prozac. On the other hand he can be the most cuddly pup around! So, fingers crossed this helps the little guy loose some of that anxiety. And thank you Betty for going the extra mile for him during your dog sitting time with him

It’s a canniversary….(thank you Eddie for that term)

It was a year ago today that I went into the hospital and our lives began to change so drastically. It has been so surreal. I feel like our lives have been hijacked and we’re just trying to get home. And now, we might be close and yet there is really no way to know for sure. Every scan has been good news…how lucky can I be! I just have to believe that this next one will follow the same pattern. But I’ll be leaving that all behind because in three days we give Ireland another go…it feels like a victory over cancer to be able to take the trip that was so abruptly taken from us. Maybe not the ultimate victory over cancer, but a victory, for sure! I’m looking forward to the moment we take off and I’m just going to watch cancer waving good-bye to us from the tarmac. I’m going to do the best I can to just leave it all behind and enjoy Ireland. I’ll be lifting a pint of Guinness to you all. “Slainte!”

See you in a couple of weeks!

Love to you all

Janet

Here is another extremely cute photo of my younger salmon kids on the Shore Run from Sunday morning. Emma and Avery were salmon for K and 1, they are now moving into 3rd grade!!! Yikes, time flies. And Lola and Mason have spent K in the Salmon Clan with Jessica and I’ll be taking over where she left off!

Friday, June 12

I’ve got the chemo blues…so happy to have so much stored love from the weekend…and from all of you!

I am so weepy these days. I just have to think about crying and I’m letting it all pour out. Dr. Standish advises it! I take most all of her advice!  And I can only think of about 27,000 reasons why I might be crying…

Here come the anniversaries. 

Last year at this time, I was ending up another year at Pathfinder. It was first grade, last year, I was more interested in packing for Ireland than packing up first grade, so I did a quick job on it knowing I’d be back in August for Jump Start Kindergarten and would finish up any loose ends then….

Ha! 

How little do we know! 

How little we control!

I never would have believed that cancer could have come in and taken over my life, our lives, so mightily. I never could have believed I would miss that whole year of school. And yet…

And then I never could have believed that I could be so, so, so close to getting rid of this cancer that I have the gaul to think about going back in the fall. But, I’m not just thinking about it, I’m planning on it. I have to! If I don’t it won’t be there for me.

Yesterday, one of the people from long term disability called me. She wanted to know how I was doing and if I was still on track to go back to work. She said everyone with stage 4 cancer wants to go back to work, but just how realistic is it for me? (She said it in a very nice way…) Well through the tears I told her that I had less than 5 mm of cancer left on my liver and that I was fully engaged with getting it out and getting me back to work. She was impressed. I have to let them know how it goes.

The day before that I spoke with a woman from the company that helps one navigate Social Security disability payments. We had a similar conversation. I have to let them know how it goes, too.

All these disability groups are getting me down. I’ve been so fortunate to have so many loving and generous teacher friends to donate sick leave to me, I’ve not needed the disability services at all. And, my sick leave will continue through September. So, if all goes as planned, i’ll be back to work with only a little loss in pay. Really, how blessed am I!!!!

Last year Maggie was in Limerick, Ireland, anxiously awaiting the end of her fabulous year as an au pair with a lovely family and 3 beautiful boys who she was madly in love with. Mike and I were winding up the school year, packing our bags to join her in Ireland. The weekend before we were to leave was the summer solstice and we made our way into Fremont to be part of the celebration (you just have to do that every few years to remember why we put up with all this traffic in Seattle!). We had a great time, saw the naked bike riders and much of the parade. We had no idea a year later Maggie would be living just blocks from where we stood that day.

One week after that was black poop of death day (see first post on this blog if you missed that) and nothing has been the same since.

So it’s almost been a year since our lives have been turned upside down due to cancer.

Monday, June 15

As usual I finally start to feel better the Monday after chemo. Man…it was a rocky weekend. I had planned to watch all 7 Harry Potter movies…I made it through just the first 1/2 of the first one…and I loved it. My neighbor/friend Lizzie is a big HP fan, and this is her favorite part of all the stories…as Harry starts learning about the magical world. I’m with her. It is a fabulous tale that is just beginning. But, for me, I’m going to go back to Mad Men…I have to admit I’m a big fan.

Friday, June 19

As usual I started to feel better on Monday, but it took me a while to figure out I really didn’t feel better until yesterday. Monday and Tuesday I ran around getting this and that done but realized when I was sitting with Roz on Tuesday afternoon, I really wasn’t ready for the real world. I spent Wednesday and Thursday back home finishing up my healing. 

This past chemo went a little further than the rest. It always burns my tongue. I still can’t eat spicy food and too much vinegar burns it also. But this time I got blisters on my lips as well. That had never happened. I just have to believe as the chemo was reaching further and further all the way to my lips that it was also reaching further into my liver to find those last cells of cancer. That is how I see it; that’s how it felt.

Mike and I are celebrating Father’s Day watching Michael play a double header in Portland. I’m not sure there is anything Mike would rather do on Father’s Day…we just wished Maggie was joining us. She, however is staying put in her neighborhood, the “Center of the Universe,” Fremont. This weekend is the Summer Solstice Parade and Fremont Fair. If you are not from Seattle you should google it and see just why Maggie is not leaving her neighborhood! It’s an experience!

I would like you all to pencil in Friday, August 21, maybe at 3:00 for a possible celebration. I’m not quite ready to fully commit…but if we have a party…that is when it will be and you are all invited…I’ll keep you posted!

Enjoy the Summer Solstice, let in the light!

Love, peace, good health to you

Janet

A picture paints a thousand words…but I’ll have 500 more to add!

8:15 Sunday morning, prior to the "race"

Mike selfie with Megan, Avery and Lola

Tracy and Maggie and Me

We did it! Betty, Glenda, Maggie, Eddie and me at the finish line!

I wish I had gotten a group picture with all our group…if someone has one, please send it my way and I’ll post it…or if you are missing and have a picture of you on the walk, send it, I’ll post it. I know Jenni, Joe, Emma and Mason are missing as are Danielle, Megan, Avery and Lola (though Megan, Avery and Lola are in Mikes selfie…no selfie stick needed!) I know Sandy did not get in the pic...any one else?? So, send me photos, email or text. I’d love to see them.

As you can tell is was a beautiful day and a great time was had by all…here is a few of us getting cold drinks in the neighborhood after the walk. After this as we headed off to our cars we got to see the kids run...talk about adorable! But I could hardly watch, waiting for someone to bite the asphalt!!

As if that was not enough fun for one day, check out my afternoon!

Many of my K/1 kids from 02-04
Class of 2015!
I look a little manic...it's pure bliss!

What's better than a selfie...the photo of the selfie!

The proud and the happy! Many soon to be empty nesters in this group.

Double cedars

What a day! Connie R. organized this event at Camp Long and all kids from that Salmon Clan class were invited (as least all the ones we could find, there were a few who had moved from the city). You can see why my cancer is slipping away, I am surrounded by positive energy and love! 

Roz, my dear friend and Sophie and Livvy’s mom, came into our class on a regular basis to teach us yoga. At the end of each year we published a yoga book. Each student practiced a specific pose, we photographed them, they wrote a poem about the pose and did a water color painting expressing how yoga or that pose made them feel. These books are a treasure! One from Kindergarten and one from First Grade. So, on Sunday we had them recreate the pose and many of them wrote poems as well. There poems are heartfelt and dear! We'll be creating another treasure! In the first grade book there is a photo of Roz and me doing the double tree pose, so of course we had to recreate our pose as well. What a special group of parents and kids. 

I’m hoping this will start a tradition, every two years getting the graduating salmon and their families back together! Whose next?

But the day was not over…Mike and Gillian invited us over for a fabulous copper river salmon dinner to talk about more detailed plans for Dublin, where we will share an apartment with them for 3 nights. Lots of fun to look forward to.

Thanks to everyone for such a great day! I’m so glad that I was able to attend all events and remain upright!

Monday was a busy day with appointments, then I had chemo yesterday…so this week I am missing some important events. Last night I was not able to go to West Seattle High School graduation, Friday night I’ll miss 8th grade graduation at Pathfinder (where some of my fabulous salmon will be graduating this year!) and I’ll miss Sealth graduation on Saturday where two of my former students share valedictorian and one is the salutatorian. In fact many of those students in the photos are taking home handsome awards and heading off to amazing places! This was a formidable group…they will do great things! So proud of them! They inspire me to want to go back and continue my work! 

I have to focus on the positive…I had a fabulous weekend with so many great events, if I have to miss some this week, then that is just the way it goes.

Back to chemo…Betty finally got to go with me, the last time she tried she ended up in the hospital with high blood pressure and a heart scare…but she is doing fine now! We took letters with us that I had saved from college from her and a few other good friends: Mig, Marsena, Sarah and Mary B. There were a few times we could not stop laughing, we made a “burn pile” and had to pass things back and forth that we just couldn’t bear to read out loud! Oh my! That first semester of college…no text, no FB, no email, very expensive long distance, and we were poor girls…so lots and lots of letters. We wrote things we would never trust to social media or even text or emails! I have to say I’m glad Betty does not think she has the letters I sent to her! Ppppwweesssshhh! I don’t really want to know what I said! I’ll leave that up to what is left of my memory and my imagination. The time flew right by. My chemo nurse was about our age and shared some stories of her own! She was a hoot!

So day after chemo is today…laying real low with my buddy Wilson. We’ve had to start a whole new level of desensitizing him now that we’ve had this heat spell and the windows are flung open. He hears every little thing and is quite sure it is dangerous…we are working through it! So one last photo as I sit here with Wilson swaddled in my arms to protect him from the cars on the gravel alley and the crazy barking/howling dogs up the street.

Three weeks to recover from chemo, trip to ireland, a PET scan shortly after we return and then...we'll just have to see. The only thing the good doctor would say for sure, is if there is any cancer left I will have no more epirubicin...I've just hit my limit and it would pose too big a threat on my heart to have more. So if there is cancer...I have no idea what he'll do, he is not a speculator! If there is no cancer...I have quite a bit to do!

Love, light, strength, peace, hope to you all!

I would not be this far along without you!

Janet~who is very nearly cancer free as far as we can tell!

Me and Lou
new T-shirt from Betty:
strong is the new strong
(love it)

The Make-a-Wish run on Friday was a magnificent event and a huge success! There was a beautiful, powerful, positive energy and a bright sunny day to witness the event. Lou made me Grand Marshall of the day and his friend Connie crowned me with a tiara, a feather boa and a colorful badge! There were also two kids who have struggled with their health and whose wishes Lou had helped with in the past. Mike, Michael and Maggie were all there to kick off the event along with the 500 Pathfinder students, some of their parents and the staff. We walked off and on all morning (Mike had to leave early to get to work) with a variety of friends and students. At one point I was walking with my dear former student Hannah, she looked at me and asked me what I had wished for, I said, my wish is coming true right now. She gave me a big smile. Hannah’s smiles always warm my heart…they are good medicine to me!

The whole event was healing and uplifting. I walked with my teacher friends, parent friends, former students and future students. I took a break from the walk after Michael and Maggie left and went in to get to know “my kids” a little better. Jessica let me read aloud a few stories to them after lunch. I spent some time learning their names and getting to know them just a little bit. It was exhausting and reminded me what I need to gear up for in the fall! (For those of you not from Seattle; Washington is 47th in the nation for class size and 26 5 &6 year olds is a busy classroom!)

I couldn't quite make it through the whole day, but I went outside and walked 2 more laps with Lou before I left. He is an amazing man, with an amazing heart who has done so much for the Make-a-Wish organization and for our community. Lou gets to retire in a couple of weeks. He will be greatly missed.

Jessica, Janet, David, Jennifer and Maggie
Maggie is wearing her Pathfinder Unicycle Team T-shirt!
Lou is famous for his unicycle teams!

Yesterday I had another appointment with my fabulous naturopath, Dr. Standish. We talked about many things, including all the things she will do after my last chemo, to help me get strong and ready for the fall. I asked her for suggestions for when we travel to Ireland. She told me to forget about taking my supplements (leave the glutamine and turkey tail at home), don’t worry about what is or isn’t organic, just enjoy the vacation. I told her I was going to drink the waters of Ireland, she said, great! I said, I mean the Guinness and the Jameson. She said, I know what you mean! Guinness is good for you, full of B vitamins! So, there you go, I have the blessing of one of the smartest women I know! 

We have a super busy weekend coming up, one more chemo next week, then we have 3 weeks to get ready for out trip! One step at a time, but it looks like it is really going to happen this  year!

With love and hope and strength,

Janet