One step at a time…

It is easy to get ahead of myself and try to start planning my life around the possible scenarios and outcomes of the possible treatments ahead. It is more difficult to take it one step at a time. There are just too many unknowns. Period…I believe that is a universal truth; there are many unknowns. Cancer has just highlighted that truth for me.

And control…now that is a funny notion! Just the simple fact that I wanted to have my mapping procedure on a Thursday or a Friday so I could reduce the number of days I need to have a sub. When they called to schedule an appointment, to get a Thursday or a Friday I would have had to wait a few weeks and that seems too long. So, my appointment is on Monday, February 8. The good thing is that Hillary is available, I’ll be out 3 days and Hillary, the only sub my class has had this year, will be in. I’m so fortunate to have a good regular sub…and so are the kids!

What I don’t know is, after the mapping procedure, when I will find out if I’m eligible for the radiation. My guess is that it could be right away, as the mapping is done during some kind of active scan. The 2 things I know that would make me ineligible is if the radiation “leeches” too much out of the liver and if there are tumors being fed by all 3 branches of the hepatic artery. I would imagine they can see that during the procedure so will be able to let me know that day.

If I am eligible, approximately 2 weeks later, sometime the week of February 22, I imagine, I will be having the radiation.

Until then, I’m completely consumed with my 25 six and seven year olds. I carry them with me everywhere I go. I remember when I first started my teacher training, when I was 18 and 19 years old, and I had all the trials and struggles of a young adult. I remember the hours I was with the kids, all my troubles would disappear. I remember thinking, this is like a drug, I come in here, my life completely disappears and I get lost in this world. Teaching can be all consuming, and that can be a good thing. Children demand you be in the moment with them. I stay very busy, forget I have cancer and so little control. That can be very therapeutic.

I continue getting a bounty of love from the school community, my own kids and beyond. Not a day goes by that someone does not give me extra love and attention in one form or another. Marley’s mom told me that she woke up one morning, woke her dad and insisted he help her write the most amazing intention for me. She brought it to me and asked if she could read it to the class. The next day, Lola brought me a beautiful abstract drawing that looked to me like a piece of art interpreting Marley’s intention. These kids are amazing… Here is Marley’s intention:

Isn't that lovely. I love my job, I love my kids.

Sending on to all of you some of this kid love and my own.

Janet