Anxiety is a force

I have had so much anxiety lately. 

I was always a worrier, oh my, if you knew me when my kids were small, you know I could worry. I could make up any number of possible horrible scenarios for any given day and situation and worry to a ridiculous degree. Surprisingly, once they went to college and I really had no control (as if I ever did), I worried much less. Of course, that does not include the times Maggie was out of the country; I was right back to worrying like I had a 2 year old!

But, I digress. I was a worrier but I really didn’t know about anxiety. Anxiety is very different. Anxiety, I’ve come to realize these past couple of weeks, comes on like water:

a wave

a wash

a swell

in drips

I’ve experienced all of these recently, as witnessed by many people around me. Most of the day I can hold it back, like a dam. I’ll cry just a bit, a little leak,  but I can’t hold it back for long. Water is a force, so is anxiety.

Tomorrow we go for the mapping procedure and find out if I’m eligible for the Y90 radiation. I think a lot of anxiety will be relieved once we know…either way, just not knowing is so very challenging.

If I can, I’ll post at least a bit tomorrow evening and let you all know how it went. Until then…

love to you all

Janet

My new favorite socks...thank you Cara!