continued from yesterday…

…and thanks for the necklaces and charms and the god’s eyes and the magic mineral broth, and the fuck cancer voodoo doll and the fuck cancer salmon charms, and the hats and scarves and scarf hangers and the plants and flowers and the qi gong lessons and the yoga sessions and the fairies and the butterflies and the candles and the mugs and the beanie baby bear and the glass heart and the cards and the tree with all your thumbprint love and the books and the socks and the flowers…

Really I have not been ignored! You all are awesome at sharing the love and propping a family up!

Talk about highs and lows and roller coasters! Monday and Tuesday held quite the example of a low and a high in those 2 short days. 

Poor Rudy, we miss her so much. I can’t help but think she took the fall for me. It feels that way. In some Pacific Northwest salmon stories, the salmon are salmon people in their village underwater. When they return up river they are offering themselves to humans. And as long as we respect them and their home, they will keep offering themselves. I feel like Rudy offered herself to me. It was an honor and a joy to be her human mom.

Then on to Tuesday…I really don’t think I’ve ever had that much anxiety in my life. I had a near panic attack and have a heightened empathy for those with panic disorder. It was no fun. I had to keep summoning Roz’s red butterflies (the color changes from time to time),to simmer me down. When I was getting the port accessed I just had to keep my eyes closed and see the butterflies. They were gorgeous, powerful, and the shades of the most vibrant, brilliant reds. So strong, they got me through some tricky moments…thanks, Roz!

But here is a coincidence…another coincidence! 

Eva had to leave on Monday but Michael had work on Tuesday morning in Seattle; a crane to inspect downtown. It happens to be the crane right next to Swedish. When I was in the hospital there was construction going on across the street. Little Kincaid and Gideon loved watching the construction while Jennifer and Allison visited. The crane was in that spot! I get a text from Michael mid-morning that he could see into the hospital room. 

So while waiting for our visit with Dr. Kaplan, in his waiting room, what could we see…Michael’s crane! Then while in the waiting room, waiting for chemo we could walk out onto a balcony and watched the crane!  We never actually saw Michael up on the crane, which was probably better for my anxiety as it was a rather blustery day! And then of course once we got a chair for chemo, we had a chair with a view of the crane! There are a lot of cranes in Seattle right now and there are lots of windows and waiting rooms at Swedish…just another  crazy coincidence in this story!

When Michael got done with the crane work he was able to come join us for lunch. He visited us for a bit and we got to revel in the good news! He had to leave as he was due back in Portland today, and we were so glad to have a little time to celebrate the good news with him in person!

Maggie was at work all day and instead of going home on the bus she came up and was able to end our chemo session with us. It was great to be able to give her a big hug so soon after hearing our good news and listening to her teacher stories made chemo go so much quicker!

It was a late session at chemo. I think we got out of there after 6:00 sometime. We made a quick stop at PCC and by the time we got home it was late! My head was spinning from joy, exhaustion and chemo as I wrote that quick post last night. It was the best I could do at the time…but here are a few number details from the report:

“The area of previous mass like appearance of the neck/body of pancreas not as evident on today’s exam, with normal pancreatic duct width. Posterior gastric wall 1.0 cm now, 1.4 cm previously.”

“The large lesion in right lobe of liver subcapsular lateral to the gallbladder fossa has decreased in size currently 2.5 x 2.2 cm, previously 3.7 x 4.2 cm”…that sounds pretty good right?

“Hypoattenuating lesion more inferior to the larger lesion in the right lobe also decreasing in size, now 0.9 cm, perviously 1.5 x 1.8 cm.”

“Inferior aspect of the anterior margin of right lobe of liver previously hypo attenuating lesions with solid imaging characteristics and hyper metabolic on PET scan now subtle, 6-8 mm in size previously 0.9-1 cm in size”  

Those are the highlights. There were other area that were stable, but that’s ok, we are focusing on the positive! It’s still hard to believe!

I’m feeling pretty good today and now that I know the chemo is working I laugh at the side effects! Bring ‘em on!!

love and life

Janet