The Guided Meditation That Rescues Me From Pain

This pain has been awful. When I look back I cannot believe how long it has been going on. I guess I’ve been in denial. I’ve wanted my life to be normal so badly that I have discounted this pain. Now I’m looking back, tracking the pain and the meds and it’s ridiculous!

It used to come on slowly, I could feel it creeping in over about a 15 minute period and sometimes I could catch it and stop it before it got too bad. It used to leave me alone in the day and wait until evenings.  Now it might start as early as 10 in the morning and there are times when it takes me right down, no warning, no warm up. I find I am writhing and I can’t get away from the pain. It is not at this level every time or every day, but there are days and there are times I need all my tools. I grab my fuzzy blanket off the couch, call my heating pad/pup, pop a pill if my schedule says I can and crawl into bed, plug in my headphones, find a guided meditation on my phone, cover my eyes and meditate. 

The app is called Insight Timer. It is free (though of course you can spend money for something once you are inside the app) and it has saved me. It has a menu of guided meditations. On the menu it tells you the name of the meditation, how many stars it has averaged, the name of the speaker (or if it is music or sound only), how many people have listened to it and how long it lasts. It allows you to bookmark favorite meditations. These meditations have allowed me to refocus and escape from the pain. They help me relax and cope during the day and fall asleep at night.

I recently learned that pain management was one of the sparks of the mindfulness meditation movement. It makes sense. This guided meditation guides me away from my pain. I definitely need the drugs, too, but this tool feels a little bit like a miracle! I’ve started practicing a bit of meditation on my own, but when I’m in pain there is no way I could do this without a guide. I am now addicted to guided meditation!

Cannabis

We are lucky enough to live in a state where we can easily get recreational marijuana and if we have a prescription we can go to a medical marijuana dispensary and get information (not medical advice) and a variety of cannabis products.

Prior to getting the prescription I tried a few products that I was told “would not make me high.” Right! Well I got high and I don’t like it! It freaks me out! I’m paranoid and quite frankly, a mess! I got a prescription so we could get a little more info and some alternative choices. Mike and I spent a good 30 minutes or so learning the difference between cbd and thc and how they work together, how they are used and some choices for us.

Currently I am looking for pain relief and no high. Different people have told me different things about if this is even possible.  I bought a tincture with an oil base and 1:1 thc and cbd. I just took 3 drops, she said I'd probably get a little high and I did, not too high, but definitely high.  I took it twice this weekend when I thought I felt some pain coming on and the pain did subside, but sometimes it does that anyway. I’m not convinced one way or the other that it helped with the pain, it might have, but it did make me high.

If it really does help with the pain I have a choice; I can use my tincture and get a little high or use more pain pills and lay on the couch and drool. Which would you choose?

I have a little bud that I am going to "vaporize" (I think is the term). It is only cbd, no thc, and my friend who gave it to me says it relieves her pain with no high.  I have another friend who is loaning me a vaporizer and I'll give it a try.  This is what I'm hoping for...no high  (or maybe just the teeniest-tiniest bit of a high, I grew up in the 60's and 70's after all!) and no pain, I'll let you know.

The Mystery Continues

Yesterday I had a bone scan; my bones are great! No bone issues, I did not want to imagine the cancer moving into my bones. Now I can shake that out of my head.

The next step is an endoscopy, which I’ve had at least 2 times before and it is not a pleasant experience. I imagine this will be where we find the answer. My appointment is not until Friday, though I am hoping they have a cancellation Wednesday or Thursday as I really don’t want to wait that long!

A Good Thing~Life Goes On

On Mother’s Day Maggie and Michael cleaned out my tomato barrels and garden boxes and flower pots and planted tomatoes, veggie starts, and seeds that I had ready. They brought beautiful flowers and planted them as well. I do have enough energy to water! Thank you children! Your momma appreciates you so very much!

We had a delicious brunch with the kids, Betty, Mike’s mom Dee and his sister Carrie and her son (our neighbor!!) Walker. It was a nice relaxing day with plenty of delicious food and time to sit and visit.

The weather here is stunning! The locust trees behind our houses, across the alley, that I can see from this spot at the table right now, are in full bloom and are as beautiful as I’ve ever seen them in our 18 years in this house. Gorgeous!

I hope you have the weather you prefer, wherever you may be.

Thank you my friends, it helps all of us knowing you are there.

Love to you all

Janet