Long Time No Blog
Part 2 (know as the yucky part)

The short story is that my tumors were and probably are still shrinking. However, I still have mystery pain that we are now trying to get to the bottom of...as it is still a mystery.
The other yucky part is that I was let go of my job (not that I didn't need to leave to heal~I most certainly did) but before I was really ready and without having a choice in the matter...

If you are not interested in the babble of the long story, you can stop there and be up on the basic short story.

The longer story, health first.
My pain has not gone away. While in KC I thought a break from work would help it stop, no  such luck. Before I left town I got a prescription for a Fentynal Patch, its a slow acting patch of pain killers you leave on for 3 days. It really didn't do much for me, even when taking extra pills for breakout pain. When I got back and started school Mike went up to the doctor's office for me and got me a prescription for a low dose of Morphine that I take every 12 hours, whether I'm feeling pain or not. Then I take the stuff I've been using already for breakthrough pain but take twice as much each time. Since that day there have only been 2 days when I did not take any extra pain medicine. Most of the time I take it twice a day and thankfully the pain usually holds off until the afternoon. Since Thursday the pain has been a little more intense and I've needed extra pain relief 4 times a day! On Friday, Mike and I talked with Dr. Kaplan and he's switched me to morphine every 8 hours instead of every 12 hours. He's also got me consistently on Dilauded  for breakthrough pain and supposedly they'll get into some kinda of therapeutic groove and I'll need less???
Whatever! That's kind of how I feel at this point. Though, I did have a much better day yesterday and especially yesterday evening! It is very much day by day.

I had an MRI on Monday and it showed nothing. All clear. So whatever can be diagnosed accurately with an MRI, I do not have it!

Monday I have a bone scan, to see if the pain/problem is in my bone. Kathy, my big sister,  just had one last week and said it is no big deal and not invasive. So, that is a good thing! I've always been curious about a bone scan, so now I'll get one!

And later next week they are in the process of scheduling me for an endoscopy. Maybe the Bone Scan will show what we need to know and I won't need an endoscopy. But I'm planning on one sometime next week.

I'll let you all know what I know when I know, the challenge now is NOT going to that bridge before it can be crossed.

School
This was my 20th year at Pathfinder. I've been working really hard with this group of kids, leaving it all on the field, as they say. And 1/2 way through my time in KC I got a big punch in the stomach from human resources right out of the blue!

Last year I did not work. I got full pay and full health care.  It counted as a year on my retirement, it was awesome and I could not believe how great the system worked!  I had the Federal Family Medical Leave Act to protect me and I also got to come right back to my position. This year, what I did not realize and probably should have is that I am no longer protected by FMLA. I would have needed to work 150 days  in order to be protected. While you are building your 150 days you can use up all your sick days, personal days and then 25 more days (non paid or paid through shared leave, it doesn't matter). If you use up your sick days, personal days and 25 more days, you lose your position. You are replaced, displaced, I'm really not sure. I know I'm not terminated, they told me that. I know I get to reapply for my same job next year. But I can't go back this year. I could be a sub, or they might find some position for me, but the bottom line is when you get a job, you have to show up to work or you lose your job. As bummed as I am, it actually makes some sense to me.

However the way I found out was just ridiculous! Shared Leave in our district is very confidential. Each time I am out I have to call a particular person at the "leave desk" and let her know that I will be out. She is the only one who can put my time in because she is actually taking it from one of my friends who donated shared leave to me (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!).
While on break Hillary agreed to sub for me all 5 afternoons that first week back. I let my health leave desk know and she emailed me that after those 5 half days, I would have only one more sick day to use and then I would no longer be able to return to work at Pathfinder.

WHATTHEFUCKAREYOUSAYINGTOME????YOUARECOMPLETELYINCOMPETENTANDHAVENOTACLUEWHATYOUAREDOINGORWHOYOUAREEMAILINGWITHRIGHTNOWWHATANIDIOT!!!!!

I think that was my exact reaction. I remember it clearly, sitting on my mom's bed checking me email...hmmm, such a memory!!

I exchanged several emails with her, as you can imagine, but I knew I needed her on my side and know how to play that game! I started to think she wasn't making a mistake. I still did not understand, but she kept checking things and answering my questions incorrectly!

I texted my principal who I like too much to go on about his text. He was in Vegas and did not realize how his text had come across to me. Afterwards he was super kind and felt terrible. But at the time, he was supposed to be on my side and it left me without an ally. I was devastated.

Over time it sunk in and what helped is that absolute fact that I cannot work right now. I gradually used up my sick days for those first 2 weeks after break and now I am done.

We were fortunate enough to get our other fabulous sub we interviewed earlier this year. Anna comes highly recommended from someone I respect, so that is a good thing. She is young and energetic and seems absolutely to be on top of things. As we teachers talk she's got "it." We teachers know teachers that don't have "it."   It's important to have "it!"

I had an overwhelming and emotional last day. It was the first day of teacher appreciation week, so I was showered in flowers, cards, and love notes! So very sweet! I planned to come back a couple days later in the week to demo a few lessons for Anna, so at the end of the day I just said, "I'll see you in a couple of days". On Wednesday, I taught a few lessons and then when they were going in from recess I took the time to take each one in a special hug and let them know that I love them. It was not an easy day.

I'm not completely done with my job. I'm still helping organize and finalize some field trips. I'm doing the job we need to hire for: teacher's administrative assistant!

I have lots more to say, I've just been too busy to write. I have a few Mark Nepo quotes I want to share. I want to talk about cannabis. I even want to write about our wacky beautiful weather!
But, here I will stop for today. Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas I know who read my blog.

Kids are coming over to cook brunch and plant things in my garden. Betty's coming up, Mike's mom, Dee is coming down. It should be a lovely day.

Love to you all
Janet