I don’t think I would ever say there is an upside to cancer, a bright side, a silver lining…that is far too generous to cancer. But I will say that in my experience when the going gets tough here, when we have less than good news, all y’all start stepping up. I won’t give cancer the credit…you all get the credit for that! Everyday since last Thursday we’ve had friends sending us love in so many different ways. Replies on the blog, texts, emails, treasures on the porch, meals and visits, offers for rides to chemo and help in any way. We are so grateful to you all. You are helping us hold up that big ole heavy mass of hope that we need so badly right now!

I still have not received the details of the scan and that is challenging me to stay focused on the facts we know. I’m having tweaks and creaks and general weird feelings inside me and I am working hard not to jump to worse case scenarios. It’s a constant challenge. I’m going back and forth between deep sadness and hopeful optimism. But I remain resolved to be the warrior that I need to be. And I can only do that with your help holding us up. Thank you, so very much.

On Saturday,  with the limited knowledge I have I went to see my superhero, Dr. Standish and her very dear student/assistant, Breanna. I emailed Dr. Standish after the scan to give her a heads up about what was going on. She was unsure from my email whether or not I was willing to go along with Dr. Kaplan’s plan or if I wanted to try a more alternative route. She immediately assured me that she thought his plan was a good one, she asked about the schedule and was pleased. She described the alternative route and told me it would cost about the same amount as a new car. I said I was glad she thought Dr. Kaplan’s plan was good ‘cause we can’t afford a new car right now! However…if it doesn’t work…a new car may be in order! But not going there yet! You really can only cross one bridge at a time. 

Dr. Standish is an amazing doctor, she cried with me and said she is here with me and she will get me through this. She talked about research she has done with taxol and cyramza. She reminded me that the taxol is from the Yew tree (I heard about that research years and years ago!!) and they continue to improve the synthetic version. She is putting me back on glutamine to try and avoid the peripheral neuropathy. She also spoke highly of the cyramza. She says her research showed that in breast cancer and another cancer (pancreatic?) the combination was boosted with the Turkey Tail Mushrooms so I’ll be keeping them in my daily routine. I’m going to see her every two weeks and she will help me manage the side effects. She has many tools, alternative and traditional medicines. I am so lucky to have her on my team. She always lifts my spirits and gives me more hope than I could ever muster on my own. She is also completely real and honest and open. She is a gift and I appreciate her care so much.

My inner circle, here at home, are champion troopers! They are with me 100% and support my decisions and pitch in extra with their time and energy. That includes, the kids and Eva and of course, Betty! But it also includes our next door neighbors, Lizzie and Vince and June. Do  you know what we did Friday night in 30 degree weather? Yes, you guessed right! We made pizza! Vinnie fired up the oven in the afternoon, I made dough, Lizzie made sauce, we all brought some other ingredients to add and we just went ahead and made pizza! Those are some good neighbors!

Now, we didn’t have pizza just in response to the cancer, it is also true that these guys are leaving town for awhile. Last year, Vince was gone a good part of the year, in Austin, leading the crew to build The Austin Bouldering Project. Now he and his crew are headed to Minneapolis for about 6 months to build the Minneapolis Bouldering Project. This time Lizzie and June are going to go with him. We will miss them terribly, June is such good medicine for me, but they’ll be back to make more pizza by summer!

By chance, on Friday, an old college buddy found me on FB, and you know one college buddy easily leads to two more! It is great reconnecting with my old Peabody friends! I love that you reached out to me Lynn and am so happy to be reconnected to Christine and Jean! xoxoxox

There are so many of you to thank! I think I would feel so isolated without this blog.

Nancy, thank you for keeping the KC folks informed, I know you are a faithful cousin follower and then send out alerts to the cousins and aunties. I also have high school friends, college friends, Mike’s school buddies, our work friends and sometimes their families, both our families and friends,  friends of the kids and their families, so many Pathfinder friends and families…I feel all of you sending your love and support to us. It helps, it really helps. You make it through all my words and come back for more.

I’m sending you love and light and courage for whatever struggles you encounter.

Janet

June wanted Betty to help her make a chicken and cheese pizza!
A girl with a plan!

Mike and Gino, yes, that is snow! Still left from New Year's Day!
BRRRRR!

Dr. Standish's office made a group mosaic also!!
Hanging in their office.

Emily!! I love my pizza socks! These arrived on my stoop on Friday, Pizza Day!!