Healing

Thank you all for the texts emails food and love. Every bit is a show of love and support that we tuck in our hearts. We are part of a big and generous community. Thank you!

Yesterday we met with Dr. Mignone about my heart and Dr. Kaplan about the cancer.

My heart is recovering nicely. He is very pleased with my ejection fraction, or what he likes to call my heart squeeze. The main number that he would like to see change is my resting heart rate; it is too high. Prior to heart failure I had a lovely resting heart rate, in the 60’s or 70’s and great blood pressure numbers, too. Now my resting heart rate is in the 80s and 90s and that means my heart is working too much. Too many heart beats. Really the only way to try to whittle that number down is through cardio work…damn it. I hate to sweat! Oh well. I’ve been working out, quite a bit, but not really hard enough. I’m more of a meanderer than a runner! I have to focus on working hard while I’m on the rower and on the treadmill. I like to think of my workouts as “at least it is some work…better than zero.” But, now I have to push myself…grrrrr…I hate pushing myself! I’m going to use my radiation recovery time as an excuse to put it off a few more days at least…but then I really need to do the work. I will. I promise. I have to. Or I wouldn’t!

The good news from Dr. Mignone is that I really don’t need to be so strict and hard core on sodium and fluid limitations. My body is figuring that out, I’ve not needed the extra diuretics so he said to give it a try and loosen up on those limits…ok! No problem! I immediately wanted to go get french fries but was so tired after all the appointments and feeling nauseas from the radiation, so took a raincheck! But they are in my near future!

Dr. Kaplan is pleased with how I’ve responded to treatment at least as far as the symptoms I report and how I look. He can only see what he sees and poked around on my liver a bit (well, yes, that does hurt!).

But the big question: What is next? He said to schedule a scan the third or fourth week of March. It will be too soon to tell the effects of the radiation on the right lobe but we will be able to see what is happening in the left lobe of the liver and make decisions about that. So we came home and looked at the calendar. I realized that Monday and Tuesday of  the 3rd week of March are the last 2 days of my sick leave to recover from radiation. I could get a scan on Monday, have Tuesday to process (get my shit together) and go back to work as planned on Wednesday with more knowledge about my future (and therefore less anxiety). So that is what I’m trying to figure out. I have a call into Dr. Kaplan’s, they have to get the insurance approval and get me on the schedule. If it works out, I’ll have the scan Monday March 14, and meet with Dr. Kaplan that same day then back to work on Wednesday with information about my near future.

I should hear tomorrow morning if that can be scheduled. I hope it works otherwise I’ll have to go back to school and know that I’ll get a scan in a few days or a week and in the meantime not really know what is ahead…that makes me anxious just thinking about it. It is the NOT knowing that causes the most anxiety. I’m working on the anxiety at many levels, with many tools, but there it is, right under the surface most of the time. Less anxiety is a good thing! This I know for sure!

Now, it is recovery time. There are points of time in the day when I feel just fine. I’m like, what am I doing and what am I going to do for 2 weeks? Then I get hit with these deep aches in my bones or fatigue and nausea and I’m like…oh, yeah, I had radiation, I’m gonna take a nap! Dr. Kaplan agreed with the three week time line. It’s good to have time to heal. That is my word these days, my mantra…healing, healing, healing…

As I post this we are having a huge wind storm. I’m watching the trees nearly tip on their sides. March is coming in like a lion!

Love to you all

and healing

Janet