Healing in Limbo

That continues to be the name of the game around here. Just trying to get this liver to chill out. Turns out livers are not all that fond of being radiated. That makes sense.

The side effects have come and gone and come and gone, it’s a bit of a ride. The nausea is down but the pain is up. It kept me up last night and is a bit on an ongoing undercurrent. I’m resistant to pain medication, you might be surprised to hear, what with my fondness for the hospital drugs. But, I like to give my body a chance to do what it is supposed to do and sometimes I think some drugs interfere with that. I’m supposed to have an immune response which is inflammatory; why would I take an anti-inflammatory to stop that response? My body is busy carrying away dead cancer cells and that hurts!

I saw Dr. Standish today. Thank goodness. That is always a good day. But what god-awful weather it was to drive to Northgate this morning! Mercy! You’d think a 10:00 appointment would give you a fighting chance to miss traffic…HA! Anyway, I digress… Dr. Standish is always so healing and supportive. We talked about the whole story, all the moving parts. She, like me, thinks the pain in the liver is a good sign. A swollen liver causes pain, that is just a fact. My body is fighting and why wouldn’t that hurt! She taught me how to do a castor oil compress to help with the pain. I came home and treated myself to one while watching the last episode of Downton Abbey (no spoilers…just go watch it, now!). It did calm the pain. I’ll repeat at bedtime and if I don’t sleep or the pain remains tomorrow I’ll be going for the pharmaceuticals. I can only give my body so much time and space to heal!

A week from today is my scan. Dr. Standish and I talked about some of the possible options should Dr. Kaplan determine I need to continue treatment. She is going to do some research into immunotherapy treatments that might be a good match for me. She will be emailing Dr. Kaplan and she says I’m not to have any chemo therapy until we’ve thoroughly exhausted looking for newer less awful options. I’m all for that! She knows that I plan to return to work next week. We scheduled a phone appointment the Friday after the scan.

Until then…it is healing time in limbo; not an easy place to heal. The physical pain is one thing but the waiting is the hardest part. I’ve got good strategies and good support for both.

On another note; the kids were over yesterday. They are doing great! I stopped in and visited them at their school on my way home today. What a treat to walk into a classroom and see my two grown children working with their students. I caught the classroom at a perfect time; it was running like a well oiled machine. Michael was working one on one with his little guy, Maggie had a group of three little guys she was helping with at computers, there was a group of 4 kindergarteners in the front with their teacher and a group of 3 first graders in the back with theirs. There were at least 3 other little kiddos with one on one aides. It was a perfect picture! The noise level was just right, everyone was engaged! What a fine example of inclusive education; typical kids and kids with autism-all kinds and levels of autism-in a K/1 classroom. I was not feeling great, but I’m so glad I stopped and got a peek into their world. What a proud mama I am!

Thank you all for all the love and support you’ve shown in so many different ways. We really are blessed.

With love and hope and healing

From Limbo

(with all those poor pagan babies)

Janet