Dr. Veena Shankaran at SCCI was lovely, honest, kind, just as Gaby had described. But, she did not have a hidden magic bullet. In fact the chemo that we agreed with Dr. Kaplan was too much of a long shot and could be too toxic, she thought it could actually shorten my life. She talked about my poor, sad, inflamed, pissed off liver. She said it was too diseased to really handle any more poison. She was brave and honest to say that she thought my liver would be what takes me down.  She explained that my eyes would start to yellow, and was impressed that they were not yet. She acknowledged all the tough treatments I had gone through. But the best thing that she said, what I think was worth the price of admission, was that we’d done all we could, had uncovered every stone and she probably would have suggested the same treatments. That really put our mind at rest. We’ve done what we could. I’m  putting healthy stuff in and on my body and I really do believe for the most part it is out of our hands. Right now and from here on out my body is going to do what my body is going to do. And what I’m going to do is try to make the best of the coming days. I may be low energy and coughing my head off, but I can still get out of bed everyday and take care of myself. There is going to be a day when I can’t do that and in the mean time, I’m grateful that I can do that. I’m still kicking!

We had an extremely full and busy Father’s Day, and I’m so glad we did. I enjoyed the day so much. I’ll be seeking out my family to do as much of that as we can. My Kansas City and Boulder people are going to come visit starting right after the 4th of July. They will be trickling in, not staying long, and I’m looking forward to that very much. 

So many of us these days are working on mindfulness and living each moment. As you might imagine, that feeling is multiplied at a time like this.

Miracles do happen and I want to be open to that story, but at the same time I am one to be realistic. I’m working on being at peace with all of this and with getting my “affairs in order.” Today, this moment, I am alive, and really that is all any of us know for sure.

Thank you friends for holding us up.

Thank you all for your lovely texts, emails, replies on the blog and beautiful cards and meaningful messages.

I love you.

Janet