Today's Steroid Induced Babble

I really wanted to rock the bald this time. I see those women and they just look so powerful. Well, first of all, it’s just too damn cold for that, and I run cold anyway! But what else is true is that it is pretty patchy right now. IT (my head) is completely bald right now in the spots where hair fell out. So there are patches of bald but mostly nubs. Those little boy, irresistible shaved head nubs that I used to rub right up! Those faces popped out so beautifully when their heads were shaved. I hope their little heads were not as sensitive as mine. It feels like the tough side of the velcro and is very sensitive. Shirts on and off, hats on and off, I have to brace myself each time. It’s getting a little better everyday and I’m hoping at some point the nubs and the spots evens out. But until then…hats for me! Plus, most of those girls who rock the bald, well, let me just say, they are younger than me! I’ll leave it at that.

I went in to Swedish on Wednesday for my shot of Granix to boost my white blood count. It worked! So Thursday I had Treatment 1, Round 2. I had a later appointment than I like to have, starting at 11:15. By then you can count on a back up. I had taxol and cyramza which cannot be given simultaneously and each take an hour. So between the 3 stops we have to make (blood draw, the good doctor, then treatment) with back ups all around, we had a 6 1/2 hour day! Yikes! I was planning on going solo but Mike insisted and I am grateful! It was a long day. Once again, the nurses there…I cannot say enough good about them. When we were walking out, Mike commented to me, and this is after 6 1/2 hours, he said, “The prerequisite to work here is to be a nice person.” He is right. They are positive and just the right amount of chatty and easily available and knowledgeable and so very, very kind.

I got 50 mg infused Benadryl which helped me relax a while during chemo. It was lovely. I closed my eyes and visualized the healing going on inside of me. I listened to a Tara Brach guided meditation and it was perfect. But I had a few more hours to go. Mike caught up on Vikings and I like to read all the New Yorker magazines I can find. I found a recent one and read an article about Wall Street that just pissed me off! Then I had a political rampage on Facebook. Couldn’t stop myself. I’m getting chemo, I can say whatever the hell I want…right!

Before the Benadryl I get an infused steroid. Puppy uppers and doggie downers I call the combo, remember the old SNL sketch? On treatment day, I know the steroids keep me up late so I just take my whole game into Maggie’s room. I have my diffuser, my kindle (new for me…loving it), my iPad, my phone and just go with it. Last night I planned to watch a movie but ended up breaking my hard and fast no FB in bed rule and continued my political reading and sharing until maybe midnight! Yikes! Then I was awake at 5:00am.  After trying to go back to sleep and failing I listened to a great podcast, "On Being" with Krista Tippett. This one was an interview with John Lewis. It was fabulous and I learned details about him that I really didn’t know. I finally got up at 7:00 starving and had a little breakfast went back to bed and back to FB! Dang, I binged in the last 24 hours!! But this time I also made phone calls. Called 3 Senators including John McCain. It’s kinda cool to call Senators. I like this. I emailed him too, and told him about the magic that happens when all different kinds of kids with differing abilities are in the same classroom…thinking of course of Ian and Mason and Aliza and Aiden, especially.  But there are many, many examples of magic in my public school career. After I pulled myself off FB I haven’t checked politics again today, so I have no idea if I was too late. I hope not!

I’m trying every day to get in some exercise. Something. Everyday. Move. Breathe. Stretch. Yesterday with a beautiful morning and a late chemo Wilson and I got in a 45 minute walk. I saw an eagle fly overhead toward the end of our walk. Always a good omen!  Today with the rain and steroids I did a long stretch on the treadmill and to break my political obsession I listened to a fabulous This American Life all about coincidences. It was completely compelling and enjoyable and made my treadmill time fly by. I came upstairs and did my weights and pilates and then a 20 minute yoga session with youtube. Steroids. I get it! Tomorrow I get to see Dr. Standish but other than that this weekend I will crash. I will try to at least to not lay in the same place all day long. I will stretch at least a bit. But I’ve learned this cycle well! Day 3 and 4 are my down days, and that is what I’ll be doing…I’ll be down, physically at least. And I don’t really mind having a blue day. Its like a good rainy day, part of the balance.

From Tara Brach I will share this mindfulness message:

“Rest your mind in what is.”

That is one of my goals. Reflecting what is real, not letting my mind get ahead of today, now. Now I feel good. The rain is peaceful. I am healing.

Sending you love 

Thankful for your love and support

Always and Now

Janet