Tara Brach is my new pain management teacher. Initially I found her on my Insight Timer Meditation App and have listened to and followed a number of her guided meditations there. Then I found out she had a podcast. I searched and found that her podcasts date back to 2010. I’ve been listening to them in order (I’ve listened to 4 so far) and I am learning so much. It’s a lot of mindfulness, aliveness, some Buddhist teachings and lots of anecdotes. She is easy to listen to; a good story teller. Her voice is very soothing and pleasant. They are about 45 minutes long and I have found after each one that I immediately want to listen to it again. But I haven’t done that yet…I just listen to the next one instead. 

I listened to a 2 part podcast titled Presence and Aliveness, here is the blurb: ”These two talks explore how we leave our bodies, the challenge of working with pain, the pathway home to embodied awareness, and the gifts of presence and aliveness.”

Today I was starting to feel my pain come on. Last night I had taken the Gabapentin and I really wanted it to help me with my pain today. I did not want ANY pain today. Mike and I planned a “stay-cation” day in Seattle and I wanted to go out and play and NOT stay home and be sick. As soon as we left I felt the pain coming on. It was just slightly different. Usually, I might say, the pain comes in like a heavy fog, its light at first but you can see it and feel it roll in until you are in the middle of pea soup. Today it felt more like a light mist, how we say here in Seattle, low clouds. It was not as heavy, it was not as threatening. But it was there. I was determined not to use Dilaudid, though Mike said he would guide me by the elbow and take care of me through our urban adventure. I wanted to let the new drug do what it could do and see what it could do. So, I focused on some of the things I learned from Tara. I really worked at feeling, knowing, acknowledging, the pain. And opening up around it and holding it safely and relaxing and letting it go. And it worked! I’m sure the Gabapentin had a lot to do with it, but I’m gonna take some credit (that I’ll happily share with Tara!). I held the pain at bay and then it was gone. Completely gone. 

We had a great day. I don’t know how I had the nerve to plan a day like this the day after immunotherapy. Maybe I was testing myself. We took the water taxi downtown, walked to the sculpture garden. Then we decided to try to catch the bus back but had to walk up to First to catch the bus. We ended up walking all the way back to the water taxi. I put in 16,980 steps according to my app! As you can see it was a beautiful summer day.

Mike at the Seattle Art Museum's
Sculpture Garden

From Alki

Well deserved ice cream on First Ave.

Back to the Gabapentin…wow! I slept like a dead dog last night. I guess I snored like a bear, too, according to Mike. That was awesome! I did wake up a little groggy but it wore off quick enough. Now, if it can take care of the pain…time will tell!

Michael turns 27 this week. How in the heck did that happen. My children are such a great blessing. I am so thankful for them and to them everyday.

So far, Keytruda and I are getting on just fine. I am picturing my immune system just having a heyday in there!

Thank you all for your loving support, notes, flowers, prayers and positive energies. 

We love you!

Janet