The challenge that is chemo recovery….

I am surprised every time about how long it takes me to remember what recovering from chemo is like…

I think I know.

I think I’m an expert.

Then I’m blindsided, weepy.

Then once again on Monday I’m better and surprised by how good I feel.

The steroids are the culprit.

Steroids with chemo on Tuesday

3 tabs Wednesday

2 tabs Tuesday

1 tab Friday… feeling pretty good.

Saturday; I felt good yesterday…now it’s Saturday, I can do anything…

for about 30 minutes…Then I’m pissed and I just keep going. Then I hit the wall, then I cry. Saturday and Sunday are for crying.

Then it’s Monday and I fell so much better and it all comes back to me how I just have to wait until Monday to feel better. You all know this, you’ve read it time and again! I never knew how stubborn I was until I got cancer.

I have a strategy for next round of chemo. On Saturday and Sunday, after chemo,  I’m going to have a Harry Potter marathon. I’m going to watch every one of them in a row and then if I finish early, I’ll repeat my favorites. I’d invite you all to join me but it is my quarantine period. Michael and Maggie will be in Portland that weekend sending off our dear, dear Nora back to the East coast. Lizzy our neighbor (June’s mom) is a big Harry Potter fan, so if they are all healthy and she can get away, I know she’ll come join me for one or more!

But now it is Thursday and I’m feeling pretty good. In fact I’ve felt very good this week and each day since Monday have taken a progressively longer walk, preparing for tomorrow’s big Make-a-Wish run with Lou! The weather is gorgeous and it should be a fabulous day celebrating Lou and all he has done for Pathfinder and the Make-a-Wish Foundation. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Mike took Wilson in on Saturday to remove a growth from his hind leg. We knew it was some kind of tumor, it was ugly and growing and changing. It needed to be removed. We got word from the vet on Tuesday that it is no big deal…not cancer…just a funky growth. So….ppphhhheewwwwssssshhhh…a little too close of a call for our family!

Wishing you no close calls…a healthy and beautiful day…and lots of love!

Janet 

Recovering from chemo

As chemo treatments go this one was not so bad. I had it late in the day, 3:00 check in, which I did not think I would like but there were some definite upsides. I got to work out in the morning, I ran lots of little errands, even walked the doggies (we’re watching Gertie for a few days). 

Since it was Mike’s birthday I picked up extra goodies for our “picnic dinner”. I got Mike a yummy husky deli sandwich, I got my favorite tuna croissant at Bakery Nouveau along with a couple of goodies worthy of a birthday celebration.

We got to see the good doctor before chemo and I asked him to explain the scan results a little more to me as it was difficult for me to compare the PET scan results from March to the CT scan results of May. The bottom line…there is one more spot on my liver…that is all…and it is less than 1/5 of an inch. I was like…can’t I just get in there and pick that thing off!!!! Come on! Less than 1/5 of an inch is not very big!!!! So again, I have hopes up that these last 2 chemos will do the trick, but I have to protect myself from such high hopes…its a tight rope to walk, stretched between hope and reality!

After the doc we head down to chemo. We had excellent nurses that were just the right amount of chatty and engaging for me. And we literally were the last patients on the floor that night. I think we got out of there around 8:00. The upside of that is that chemo evenings are never that pleasant, so it was short and sweet and right to bed.

I took my good advice and laid very low yesterday. I watched Little Miss Sunshine (love that movie!). I watched the latest episode of Call the Midwife (last of the season I think). I watched one or two (maybe 1 1/2) episodes of Mad Men. I know I told myself I could watch them all…but that is not going to happen. I’m already itching to get back to that todo list that I blasted so vehemently in a previous post. I can’t help it…I am who I am…I’m a todo list maker and doer…I can’t help myself. I’ll just be doing the easy things today mixed with a little screen time for sure!

It’s a gorgeous day. I do have a few plants to get into pots (One of the errands was to West Seattle Nursery and got some tomatoes from PCC). I need to do that before it gets too warm out on the deck. What a lovely thought for mid May!

Just a few upcoming events…reminder if you want to do the shore walk/run we are team Stomp Out Cancer and here is the link:

http://shorerun.com/registration/

This year the Make-a-Wish run is on Friday June 29 at 8:45 a.m. at Pathfinder....Oops...May 29th is the Make a Wish run!

Many of you are familiar with Lou’s Make-a-Wish Run. I think I my have mentioned it in this blog before, but here it is again. Lou, our fabulous PE teacher at Pathfinder, every year around his birthday, has been celebrating his good health by sponsoring a fundraiser for the Make-a-Wish foundation. Each year he makes the run one lap longer to match his age. The entire school is involved and it is a Pathfinder event not to be missed! Lou is active in the Make-a-Wish organization all year long, but this is his big fundraiser. He is collecting donations, if you are interested you can drop or send checks to school made out to Make-A-Wish Foundation. Or you can send them to me, and I’ll get them up to Lou.  I’ll be there walking along with my Pathfinder friends! Calling all Pathfinder folks, to be there too, if you can, but also to donate to this worthy cause. By the way, Lou is retiring this year, we hope he makes it back for this annual event. He will be missed!!

Every year Lou comes around to classrooms promoting the run and the fundraiser and shows tear jerking videos. Here is one of my favorites if you are on the fence about donating to make-a-wish…get out your hankies:

I can’t seem to get a live link, type in the google bar, 

Juni! you’re going to Disneyland! youtube

It’s a sweet one!

ok, off to do a few little todos…

Have a good day, Happy May!

Love to you all,

Janet

That was a set back, but I’m regaining my footing. How does one stay positive, keep up positive visualizations, and yet protect oneself when the reality does not match the positive vision? I’m figuring that out. It’s a rocky road for sure.

Here is a no wig, cap only, Trader Joe story from earlier last week…

I had a grocery cart full of goodies getting ready for the weekend pizza party and birthday celebration for Mike. My checkout girl had just started ringing up my groceries and I had just started bagging them, and I don't think she had really looked up at me yet. I was gently nudged from behind by my old friend Connie H. I taught all 3 of Connie’s kids (her oldest the same age as Maggie) and Connie is a breast cancer survivor. She asked how I was doing, commented on my progress as she reads my blog and in our greetings it registered with my checkout girl that I had cancer. She asked if I’d gone through cancer treatment. Oh, do you mind if I ask?

No, I don’t mind at all (I don’t…I’d much rather talk about it than pretend I don’t have it when it is as obvious as the stubble on my head) 

Yes, I have cancer and am still going through treatment, or I might be done, I’ll  find out on Friday.

Do you mind if I ask what kind? 

No, of course not, stomach cancer.

She said, My dad had cancer, he’s doing great. I have a friend, 23 years old who had cancer, got through treatment, the cancer went away and it has now reoccured.

I said, 23 years old and you’ve already gotten rid of cancer once and it’s back. Now that sucks!

There was a lot more to the conversation; we talked about the kind of cancer her dad and her friend had, we talked about her name and her hair, Connie’s daughter is also named Holly and has curly hair, too!

She was very dear, very sweet. I noticed the woman in the line behind us smiling, even though our conversation was definitely slowing the checkout process down.

Then as I started to leave, she gave me a hug. So, so, sweet, and dear. She made me cry. Connie walked me to my car and took the cart afterwards. 

I love exchanges with kind people, with or without a wig!

Epic Pizza

That is what I would call our pizza parlor if we opened one in our front yard. That is what happened here Saturday night…Epic Pizza. I couldn’t tell you how many people or toppings we had or how many pizzas went into and out of the oven, but it was a fabulous time! Thanks to all for helping celebrate Vince’s return to Seattle and the May birthdays!

Our weekend continued with brunch on Sunday (we almost always do brunch with our Portland people and rarely do it without them…there is something about Portland and brunch…they just go together). Mike and I enjoyed our time with six 20 somethings through brunch and then Betty joined us for a birthday celebration for Mike. The nearly flourless dark chocolate cake that I make for many a birthday actually tasted good to me again! Yum-O. Mike, of course, liked it, too! It’s a favorite around here.

Then after the house cleared, Mike and I ended our evening with a dinner and walk down at Alki. Not a novel idea; the place was packed, but for good reason! What a beautiful evening for the beach! 

A beautiful day today and I’m getting my head around chemo tomorrow.

Much love to you all

Janet

Scan results…

It’s not gone, it’s still there, but just a small spot, even smaller than before. But rather than going with radiation like Dr. Kaplan mentioned last time he wants to do 2 more rounds of chemo. He is right…it does work…it has worked….it continues to work for me…so chemo it is.

My echocardiogram looked good and I’m not at the upper limit for the epirubicin so I can continue with both oxalyplatin and epirubicin. and so I will.

First round (13th round really) on Mike’s birthday, Tuesday, May 19th. and 14th round on Tuesday June 9th then 3 weeks after that we are going to Ireland. When we come back I’ll get a scan (hopefully a PET scan). And we’ll go from there. 

I really had my heart set on no more chemo, so it feels like a set back and it’s not. The cancer is smaller that is good news! I was somewhat convinced it would be gone and my hair would grow and my taste buds would continue to come back to me, but in the back of my mind I made up a consolation prize. I told myself if I have to have chemo I get to sit on the couch and watch every episode of Mad Men all over again! And so, next Wednesday,  and beyond that is where you can find me. I have so many things I wanted to get done and here and now I say “Fuck it!” to my todo list. My fucking todo list will just have to wait. (Can you tell I am a little bitter???)

I made it clear to the good doctor that I intend to go back to work in the fall and chemo wears me out, and I need time after that last chemo to get my groove back. He heard me and he said I’d be ready (though  I don’t know when the last time he saw a classroom of 6 and 7 year olds…). But that is my goal and my intention. If my last chemo is June 9th, I’ll have Ireland to heal me and then the rest of the summer to get back my strength and stamina. 

It’ll be grand (as they say in Ireland).

I’ll be enjoying some wine this weekend, celebrating Mike’s birthday with friends and the kids and their friends and some neighbors. So: Life is Good! (cancer and chemo sucks….but life is good!)

Have a great weekend…enjoy!

love, love, love to you all

thanks for reading my rant!

Janet

So much to be grateful for…

I’ve had such a full and fun week! My sister, Kathy, and her husband, Mickey arrived Tuesday afternoon and stayed through brunch yesterday. We packed a great deal of fun, food and relaxation into those days. We ate pizza: Delancey and Serious Pie. We road tripped it: LaConner and Whidbey Island. We spent time at the Pike Place Market on Friday and spent the entire day hanging out at our house on Saturday, enjoying the weather, the yard sale across the street and Lizzie and June our neighbors. Sunday, Mike’s mom, Dee, came over from Vashon and joined us for brunch. There were 8 for Mother’s Day brunch at Boat Street Cafe. What a fabulous and yummy time we had! I just wish my mom could have been here. After brunch we had a tearful goodbye to Kathy and Mickey. They are now enjoying a couple of days in Coeur D’Alene, Idaho, then onto Yellowstone before finally making their way home to Boulder. It was great spending time with them and we hope to make it to Boulder in the near future!

I had such a difficult time enjoying myself through the winter holidays and my birthday and I better prepared myself for Mother’s Day.  First of all, I’m feeling pretty darn good…so that helps right up front. I have my wig so I look a little more normal and that makes me feel a little more normal. I took an ativan about 10:00 am to help take the edge off any anxiety I might have had and then celebrated with a Kir Royale. And it worked! I was able to just relax and enjoy the time together with family. And only cried when it was really appropriate to cry! 

After brunch we came home and sat around and relaxed with the kids and Dee.

Michael’s good friend Dylan came over with his mom and dad, Elizabeth and Phillip to watch Felix pitch a great game. Michael and Dylan were room mates for 3 years in college and played ball together. Unfortunately for us we did not really meet Elizabeth and Phillip until their senior year. They are a lovely couple, lovely people and Elizabeth is hilarious, she always makes me laugh. So, we had a great time hanging out, watching the Mariners and taking it easy. Finally, Dee went home to Vashon, Elizabeth and Phillip headed back to Portland and Michael and Dylan went to play catch for a while. Towards dinner time the kids rallied, went to the store and we ended up all pitching in to make kabobs for a late dinner. Somewhere in there Lizzy and June came over so we had a good baby fix for the day. All in all, it was a sweet day, one of the best mother’s day ever.

I’ll take it and keep that as a treasure.

Now, I just have to wait until Friday for that scan…Watch this space!

Love and Peace and Hope is what I’m feeling this week and sending to you…

Janet

P.S. My car is an '87 Camry with nearly 200,000 miles on it. I love it because it starts every time I turn the key, the heater warms it up quickly and we paid $1300 for it 8 or 9 years ago! But it was nasty, dirty; I was embarrassed to drive it. The pollen was dried like cement to the windows, doors, really all over the car. It needed more TLC than I had the energy to offer. Yesterday morning for mother's day the kids took it up to the car wash and cleaned it inside and out! Maggie even replaced the hanging origami peace crane which had broken off and molded. Now you will see me proudly riding through West Seattle in my shiny car! Thanks, kids! I so appreciate you cleaning up the Camry!

Feeling fine and waiting for the scan…

It’s a scan to scan life these days. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks from my last chemo, so I’m feeling pretty good. I managed to stay healthy and avoid a cold this time around so I feel really fortunate to have so many good days in a row. And with the wig I’m wanting to do more and start a more “normal” life. It feels good. I still have to pace myself, I do not have my energy, but I do have the desire to get  out of this house and back to life. That is a good sign! 

As you might recall I had a CT scan early in March. The results were good but inconclusive so Dr. Kaplan ordered a PET scan to get more detail. I had a PET scan on March 12. This was the scan that gave us the great news that the cancer was gone from my stomach and pancreas and there was just a bit left on the liver. He ordered 2 more rounds of chemo and then planned to order  another scan to see if I might be in remission. I’ve had those 2 rounds of chemo and scheduled a PET scan for May 15. Today I learned that the insurance company will only allow a CT scan. Dr. Kaplan’s office is officially appealing the decision but it will take 30 days from the time all the paper work for the appeal is completed and turned into the insurance company. So, on May 15 I will have a CT scan, not a PET scan and hope that the scan is conclusive this time. It’s a waiting game.

Today I officially signed up for the June 7 Shore Run for Fred Hutchison Cancer Research center. I blew it and missed the deadline for the earliest registration to save $5 but oh well. If you want to sign up and join me on Gaby’s team follow this link. 

http://shorerun.com/registration/

The team’s name is Stomp Out Stomach Cancer and the team captain is Ari.

Just fyi, I signed up for the 5K walk but there is an option for a 10K run. Gaby says if you want to donate to Fred Hutch she suggests you bring a check the day of the event, as there is a fee to donate online. Of course there is the registration fee for the event and any donation is optional. I know several folks said they were interested in this event, so I’m looking forward to walking with you, my friends! We’ll have to figure out how to find each other. I’ll let you know if Gaby already has a plan for that. 

My sister Kathy and her husband Mickey are driving into town today. Mickey is recently retired and they are road tripping it in May! They are from Boulder and took some time getting over to the West coast. Today they are driving up from Oregon and they will be here through the weekend. Michael is coming up this weekend and Maggie will be around so I am looking forward to some good family time.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mom’s out there. And lots of love to you all.

Janet