Fighting Nausea and Lovely Neighbors 

I am fighting nausea. And for the first time in my life I really don’t have an appetite. This is such a foreign concept to me. B.C. I could pretty much eat anytime, hunger was secondary. I learned not too…but I could!  My primary goal now is to get enough protein each day and a secondary goal is to eat healthy. I really do not want to eat any processed foods or sugar. But I’m eating some candied ginger if that sounds good for nausea and I’ll eat a protein bar now and then. B.C. I lived on salads. I had salads for lunch most days and then some salad with dinner also. Salads really don’t appeal to me, now. In fact most of my favorite foods are really unappealing: salmon, chocolate, wine, salad. I’ll save them for post chemo, then have a feast!

I am trying to fight nausea without pharmaceuticals. I really do not want to take more pills that have names I cannot pronounce. I have taken them this week and I will if I need to but I’m trying to find other means. I’m finding hard exercise helps (dammit). As you know I am not famous for my love of exercise. I hate to sweat, it itches and is yucky. But sweat I must. Everyday this week I’ve gone down to the nearby stadium and walked the track and run the stairs. I’m going for that interval, short burst of aerobic exercise that they say is so good for you. After the stairs we (Mike has joined me a couple of days and Carrie joined in one day) do lunges, planks or push ups on the wall, and plenty of stretches. Then we do a series of 8 Qi Gong movements (the silken movements) taught to us by our neighbor and massage therapist, Sue. Yesterday after all of that I came home and did yoga and relaxation with Roz. Today I did a little yoga and “mediation". Yesterday I worked out the hardest and most I had in a long time and my nausea was so, so much better. Yesterday afternoon I went to Jim for an acupuncture treatment to help with the nausea, also. I’m wearing sea bands which may be helping also. On Tuesday when I see Dr. Kaplan I’ll find out where he stands on medical marijuana. I can pronounce that word and know several other friendly names for it, too! I’m willing to give it a try. In the meantime I’ll continue to exercise, wear sea bands and drink ginger tea and see how it goes.

We have lovely neighbors, Lizzy, Vince and baby June. They are dear and we are so glad they live next door to us. They are the neighbors who took a very run down piece of property and turned it into a darling house. They had chickens for a long while and provided us with many dozens of eggs. We get to go grab little June for a baby fix almost anytime we want. And Vince is the artist/contractor who remodeled our kitchen. They are both musicians and therefore automatically cooler than we are.  Really…could neighbors get any better than that…well, yes!

For over a year we’ve talked about building together, with them, a wood fired pizza oven on one or both of the properties. We even talked about building it on a trailer so we could take it places with us for wood fired pizza celebrations, to the beach, perhaps! Anyway, almost as soon as I was diagnosed with cancer, Vince said, “I’m building the pizza oven.” That’s all there was too it. We were planning to finance it and weren’t ready for that part, but that was not going to stop him. So one night Vince and Mike and Betty walked the property and in the end they decided on their front yard right next to our property. And now…there it is! It is not quite finished but last night Lizzie and Vince cooked hot dogs in it for dinner and then after June went to bed we all made s’mores! Vince has a few more things to do to complete the project, but we are planning to have pizza this weekend to celebrate Maggie’s 23rd birthday! Isn’t that the coolest! I’ll add pictures next week, cause I know it is hard to believe there is a pizza oven in our neighbors front yard!!!

I am missing school. I cannot imagine trying to do school at any level and am so very grateful for sick leave and insurance. But I miss my teacher friends. I miss the kids. I miss the energy. I always said my job completely filled me up and completely drained me. I miss the fill up part, but cancer is what is draining me now.

The families of my last year’s class are in the midst of doing the absolute sweetest thing for me. They are sending me short videos of their kids reading. These guys are going into second grade and I taught them for Kindergarten and First Grade. It is an honor and a pleasure to be a part of the magic of helping kids learn how to read, so the fact that I’m getting one or two videos a day of my cuties reading to me is just making me so happy! I love it! Thank you, Salmon Clan!! 

So, today is the scan. Mike and I are heading to Swedish in about an hour and I’ll have a CT scan to see how it’s going in there. Since my scan is so late in the day and it is a 3 day weekend we will not know the results until Tuesday. I have plenty of distractions this weekend though, we’re celebrating Maggie’s 23rd (this is the first time she has been home on her birthday since she was a senior in high school!!). Michael and Eva are headed up tonight. I’m expected to be fully entertained by them and their friends. It should be a great weekend! (and by the way if pizza doesn’t taste good to me I’m going to be really pissed!!!!)

love and blessings and pizza to you all

Janet

And, thanks Betsy, I'll have Eva pick out a shrink dink salmon for Mamu!

Hair schmair…who cares! That is where I’m headed…almost there. I’m going out right and left with a hat or two on. Almost ready to go full Sinead O’Conner!

We went to Eddie and Bre’s wedding on Saturday night. A week ago I really did not think I could do it, emotionally. I’m such a cryer, as so many of you know. And weddings really do me in. I’m finding that cancer is making me cry, too. So cancer and a wedding at the same time, I just didn’t know if I could do it. But, with the help of Tracy’s wig and the support of my dear family, to the wedding we did go! It was beautiful. They were married at the Seattle Aquarium, a magical place for a wedding. Betty’s brother, Big Eddie and the rest of Little Eddie’s family came to town from Florida. Betty’s sisters Mary Lee and Julie along with Julie’s husband, Chris came from Kansas City.  When it was time to dance I started to cry…dancing makes me cry too, I guess. Well, Mary Lee went all hysterical on me, hugging me and screaming and it just made me laugh so hard and then we all ended up dancing and dancing… Michael Jackson, B-52s, Lady Gaga and more! I’m still recovering! A little Mary Lee hysteria was all I needed to get over the hump. Congratulations Eddie and Bre, you are adorable, you are beautiful, you are loved. May you have a long and loving life together!

Speaking of love…Friday night we had a reunion of sorts with our old friends that we worked with many years ago at the EEU. There are 4 families who have stayed in touch more and/or less over all these years. When our kids were growing up we camped every year at either Mt. St. Helen’s or Mt. Rainier.  We also celebrated high school and college graduations together. Debbie planned a lovely dinner for us all at their house. Jeff mixed cocktails and manned the grill. Debbie made 2 unbelievable pies and the Blacks, Stranges and Pools all added to the meal as well. I was blown away by their show of support and love. They gave us cards and a gift basket filled with books, magazines, socks, scarves, goodies and more. I was overwhelmed with it all. 

And then more love, on Saturday morning my friends Roz and Susan came over with a surprise. Inspired by the salmon theme they are making little shrinky dink salmon that say Fuck Cancer on the back. Now Susan had no idea that shrinky dink salmon are my thing… I make one for each of my students at the end of every year. Roz’s twins were in my class but Roz didn’t remember about the shrinky dinks..at least not consciously. So they made these for me to wear or to pass out to others. Such a sweet gesture. Livvy and Sophie, seniors this year, along with other friends helped create these little treasures. This gesture of love following the Friday night love fest just put me over the edge. It made me weep.

All the outpouring of love and support has been so amazing to me and to Mike and sometimes a little overwhelming. I feel inadequate. I feel that I have not been there for others like you all are for me. I vow to kick cancer’s ass just so I can give back and act upon these lessons I’m learning. I shall not let these lessons go to waste!

Rudy update: She is not doing so well. She still perks up for our walks around the block but she is eating less and less. We’re jumping through hoops to get her to eat anything at all. 

Today is a day of rest. It was an exhausting weekend and I’m happy to have this quiet day at home, just me and Rudy.

Love and blessings to you all.

Janet

Gumption and Love and The Beat Goes On

It has taken me a good amount of gumption to get out of the house these days. I like to think of myself as brave and self-confident but it has taken a good deal to boost me up to meet those characteristics. I’m a homebody anyway, but with no hair, I find myself really wanting to just hunker down here.

But, out I’ve gone… Lovely Kathy invited me to the beach for a very small gathering for dinner a couple days ago. I almost didn’t go. I almost backed out at the last minute. But I made myself do it (hats of course) and was so glad I did. It was lovely and just the first step I needed. I actually went without my driver or any of my escorts! Independently! 

I do find myself trying to be prepared. I keep my eyes up and keep looking so I see you first before you see me…so I can be ready and not taken off guard. Yesterday Mike and I made 3 stops in the Junction and then had a picnic at Alki. In shops as soon as we turned a corner I scanned high and low (I do know lots of wee folk in West Seattle, I’m an expert at scanning low) and then breathed a sigh of relief. We made it through the day without seeing anyone we knew. That rarely happens in West Seattle. 

Last night Mike and I went to Humble Pie for dinner. I thought I could manage there as you eat at picnic tables outside (sitting in a restaurant for some reason seems daunting). It was busy, busy but I did ok. I think I’m going to be able to stop making such a big deal in my head. Cause that’s what I’m learning…It’s all in my head. And Lucy, you are right, no one cares. And for goodness sakes, what’s going to happen when I do see someone I know…probably the same as ever…a nice big hug! I’m getting there…baby steps.

So picnic at Alki, then out for dinner…what’s up with all that? Well, yesterday Mike and I celebrated our 26th anniversary! Happy Anniversary, sweetie. He is a good man. All of you know that already and he didn’t need a test to prove it, but he has proven it this summer time and again. We are blessed.

The world did not stop spinning and Pathfinder has not locked it’s doors. School is happening without me. Today is day 4 of Jumpstart and from all reports Jessica is doing great! I’m so fortunate that she and Maggie are renewing their friendship as I know I’m hearing a little more than I might otherwise. The best indicator to me is that Jessica is enjoying the kids, and enjoying the work. The stories she is sharing with us are cute and funny. If you don’t get a big, fat kick out of 5 year olds you have no business spending that much of their day with them. They are hilarious and Jessica gets them. I can tell. That makes me so happy! 

Maggie started her job yesterday. She is a teaching assistant at APL (Academy for Precision Learning).  APL is a private school primarily for kids with Autism, our friend Jennifer is the director of the school. This school has what I call a reverse mainstreaming model. Most kids in each class have special needs but there are also kids who are typically developing. Maggie will be a para-pro (teaching assistant) in the K/1 classroom. It is a fabulous program with lots and lots of staff. Maggie is one of 6 paras in her classroom along with a head teacher, an assistant teacher and an ABA (applied behavior analysis) specialist (I think I have all that correct?). The school has classrooms for kids K-12th grade. It is in the U district and Maggie will be commuting by bus. A whole new world! It’s like she grew up and got a real job! Crazy!

So the world keeps spinning. No one cares if you have hair or not. Kids grow up and as my mom would say…”the beat goes on!”

Blessings and love to you all.

Transitions

Today is the first day of Jump Start for kindergarten. This is the day I would have met my students for the first time. I have many mixed feelings. I’m super sad to miss the energy, excitement and the kids. I’m missing my teacher friends. But on the other hand, I’m so grateful for medical leave so I don’t have to try and keep my head, heart and hands in both worlds. And I’m so grateful for Jessica’s positive energy and all the people she has there supporting her already. I am grateful that I get to focus on fighting cancer and making my whole self healthy. 

Maggie has just a couple more days before she heads into her new job so today she was able to escort me out for my first grocery run as a bald person. We went to Burien rather than West Seattle and saw no one we knew, baby steps. I’d say the outing was highly successful and I even forgot about the hat with no hair thing more than once. 

Mike went to work today for his official first day back. We are fortunate that he has flexible medical leave so he can go to work when I am doing well and he can take off when I need him here. 

We had a busy weekend with Maggie home and Michael and Eva up from Portland and Betty around most of the time, too. Michael and Eva arrived on Friday evening and we celebrated Michael’s 25th birthday! Woohoo! Michael is Paleo (on the paleo diet that is). Eva is mostly Paleo (just a little more reasonable than Michael). Maggie is getting the bread and cheese from Ireland, France, Spain and Italy out of her system so she is eating very healthy. And Mike, Betty and I just try to eat healthy; avoiding dairy and grains and sweets as a rule (with exceptions!). So for Michael’s birthday Maggie made a Paleo cake and we had coconut milk ice cream. Jennifer came over in the middle of the afternoon and pitched in and helped Maggie and Betty make cod cakes without bread crumbs, grilled yams, roasted beets and a salad. Oh my, dinner was delicious! Well done, everyone!

Everyone kept busy on Saturday and we got a lot of chores done. Micahel, Maggie and Eva cooked another delicious dinner that night (chicken with almond butter sauce and green beans). On Sunday we ventured out to Lincoln Park and it was my first outing (other than chemo) with just a hat; no hair. I did ok. It was a gorgeous afternoon at the park and Maggie, Michael and Eva always make me laugh out loud…good medicine.

So tomorrow is one week since my second infusion and my side effects this time have been similar as the first time around. No surprises is a good thing! Since Tuesday I’ve just felt  crummy…not real bad, just not good; tired, fatigue, bloated, gross. My skin felt sensitive to cold and to touch in general. I couldn’t eat or drink cold things and actually burnt the inside of my lips somehow. Today I got up and worked out downstairs and immediately started feeling better. Not so bloated, not so tired. I’m grateful to know that these side effects are passing. 

I am gearing up for the day, very soon, and it will be ok, when Mike and Maggie will both go to work and I will not. I’ll work out downstairs and meditate and read and I’m thinking about painting the bathroom as long as I feel strong. 

Thank you all for the food, hats, visits and love you’re sending our way. We feel supported by you all.

Lots of Love

Janet

My Kansas Cousins

I have such a sad story that I’m needing to share. You can always find a story that puts your life in perspective. I’m just sorry that the story involves my Kansas cousins. 

My cousin Susan and her husband Harlan raised their kids on a working farm in Lyons, Kansas. We only got out there to visit a few times when my kids were growing up and we always had a great time.

Now their children have grown up and their eldest Emily recently moved back with her husband Sean to have their first baby. Little Patton was born about 11 days ago. Only hours after his birth he had a serious stroke. They lowered his temperature and they put him on life support, they prayed and doctored him as best could be. He was clearly not meant for this world. But I know from FaceBook that little Patton affected many, many people, but none more than the potential 12 babies he might save with the donations he was able to offer and his young parents were generous, brave and courageous enough to give. He was a miracle that is providing many more miracles. I am overwhelmed with their generosity.

I was so sad to come home from the hospital and have to unpack from a trip to Ireland that had to be cancelled. but to come home and have to unpack from your first born. It puts it into perspective.

Today I take pause from my struggles and focus on little Patton and his brave family. I wish I could be there to help hold you all up. You are amazing and we are thinking of you.

I’ve got a wig!

Thanks to Tracy, I have a wig. She is loaning me her special occasion blond wig, so now I can have a special occasion wig, too!  I really am hoping to be ok wig-less most of the time with these absolutely wonderful groovy hats i’ve been receiving! Just gotta get a little braver…call up my inner toughy girl!

In the meantime it is nice just being home and not going anywhere! I had a lovely nap this afternoon and then Mike and I tried out some meditation.

It felt good and rejuvenating. So maybe nap then meditation is a good post chemo and then when my energy returns just the meditation. Naps, as I mentioned before are not my thing!

I’m continuing to have issues with cold, that should only last a couple more days. I’ve had some mild nausea but it is manageable. I took my first (or second) anti nausea pill just last night. I feel lucky to feel so good after chemo.

Gillian came over this morning and we started getting the meal train website up and going. I’ve given her a list of emails from the most recent Salmon Clan, sent to me via Danielle. So if you told Danielle you wanted to help, you are going to get an email and a link for the website soon.

So many of you have offered to help and I’ve just not been able to keep track. So, if you are up for helping out with food, we’ll be starting soon. Contact me or Mike, either by replying to the blog or any other way you contact us, let us know which email address you would like us to use and we’ll forward you the information.

If you are already a friend of Gillian you could contact her directly.

Thank you all for your love and support.

Sending love back to you.

Janet

The Full Moon and a Toughy Girl

The worst side effect for me so far is new this time round. When I start to cry my eyes hurt, they ache, cramp up and I have to stop crying…now that IS a rip off for a cry-lovin’ gal like me. But all in all I’m doing well. I have the same cold sensitivity in my feet and hands. The first bite of anything sends shock waves through my jaw, but then it relaxes (hey…maybe I just have to keep crying and all that will relax…hmm…see this is one of the pay offs of writing…it helps you think things through and come up with connections/solutions…maybe???).

I woke at 4 and could not get back to sleep (I think I’m done with the melatonin, at least for a while. I think I do better without it). So I got up about 6, put on my kitchen/garden gloves and putzed around this morning.

First…ant patrol. If you live in Seattle I need say no more. They are little, they are black, they are persistent. They are camouflaged on our new black granite counter top! We are mostly staying on top of the little buggers, but it is a part of our daily routine, many days starting in spring. Then I just finished tidying up. Now I’m drinking magic mineral broth and blogging.

I’m feeling pretty tough to be this ok after all the infusion yesterday. I’m reminded of a kid story from years ago, one of my favorite quotes…I had a sweet little girl (can’t remember exactly who) and Daniel P…many of you know of whom I speak. I love Daniel. He was like a lab puppy in Kindergarten. (I watched him wrestle in high school and he was still  a little like a lab puppy!)  As a 5 year old he just wanted to wrestle and play. All from a place of fun and love! But to many it came off otherwise. I remember one day this little girl overheard someone tattling on Daniel and under her breath, to no one in particular, but I heard her say in a matter of fact way with a little disdain, “That Daniel, he’s a toughy boy.” It cracked me up and gave me a new category of people. And holding myself up through this I think of that story and I think I’m a bit of a toughy girl!  Daniel-you are my model!

Yesterday went well. Maggie opted out as she is fighting off a cold and the chemo room is no place for extra germs. Mike and I started with the blood draw through the port. I was a virgin, I’d had no needles through this skin before. And I had a student nurse (with a very capable teacher right there) who was also a virgin. She had never stuck a needle in skin, into a port, though she had practiced in some manner. We had lots of jokes about being virgins then our mixed feelings after the fact. Well, she must have done it correctly because all went well; they were able to draw blood and then the infusion went well shortly after that.

Prior to chemo Mike and I visited Dr. Kaplan. He is a good doctor and I like his way. He has a dry sense of humor and is absolutely not afraid to state his opinions in a straight forward way. We talked about Bastyr and he has worked with Dr. Standish many times. He answered all our questions and we made a plan for 3 weeks from now. He read my blood test results and reported good white blood count, all is well, then he sent us on our way to chemo.

Mike and I got a private room and a lovely nurse. She got the first bags going (anti-nausea and steroids) and then Mike headed to Jimmy Johns for his lunch (an un-wich; turkey sandwich wrapped in lettuce instead of bread…so healthy!). When he got back I unwrapped my sandwich from home: irish cheddar, tomato and avocado. Yum! Then I really wanted to read and Mike watched a sci-fi movie on the iPad with headphones. It was very relaxing and quiet in our little room. When we got chilly Mike would refill my hot tea and the nurse brought us heated blankets.

There is one part of chemo where the nurse sits next to me and literally pushes one of the drugs into the tube with a big syringe. It takes 15 minutes. We had a nice chat. Her kids are just a little older than ours, she lived a good deal of time in Tennessee (I went to school in Nashville), so we had plenty to talk about. Mike watched his movie and let us babble on.

The final chemo bag is a 2 hour drip followed by a 10-15 rinse of the tubes so I’m sure to get every last drop (sluuuurrrrppppp!). I didn’t so much see the little mucinex guys yesterday (thank goodness) but what I thought about was how the cancer spread through my blood stream to my liver. So, I was sending the chemo drugs to find those same pathways and find those cells and take care of the problem! I’m very hopeful!

We headed home about 4 where Maggie was waiting with open arms to wait on me and meet my every need. Betty came up to visit last night and we watched a Jimmy Fallon that had us all in tears (ouch! I couldn’t cry).

I realized I’d forgotten to ask Dr. Kaplan whether or not to take the oral chemo with dinner tonight so I called him. He called me back and said it was up to me. I asked, what would you do? He said, “Well, how close are we to the full moon?” I took the bait and excitedly said, “Close! It was just the other day!” He said” Then you should take them.” “You got me!” and we laughed and I took the pills! What a hoot!

I’m still healthy. I’m still strong. I have to think it is not getting the better of me so maybe we’re getting the better of it!

Thank you to every one of you for your sweet comments on the blog, or email, text or snail mail. I promised myself I would not reply to the blog comments because I am the type of person who would then feel obligated to reply to all comments. So know I read them, however they roll in and I appreciate all your kindnesses! I am so blessed with such a great community near and far.

For those of you who have offered to help out with food or in other ways, Gillian and I are getting together this week to make a plan. She has agreed to be my gate keeper. The last week of August, Mike and Maggie head back to work/school land and help here will be appreciated. I'll let you know the plan as soon as we make it!

Not sure how soon I’ll be brave enough to head into West Seattle with a shaved head and a hat, but probably sooner than I think…cause I’m a toughy girl.

Love to you all

Janet

PS here is the link to Mike's Etsy site as promised, just 4 bowls up so far...more to come

https://www.etsy.com/shop/MikesBowls