Dr. Veena Shankaran at SCCI was lovely, honest, kind, just as Gaby had described. But, she did not have a hidden magic bullet. In fact the chemo that we agreed with Dr. Kaplan was too much of a long shot and could be too toxic, she thought it could actually shorten my life. She talked about my poor, sad, inflamed, pissed off liver. She said it was too diseased to really handle any more poison. She was brave and honest to say that she thought my liver would be what takes me down.  She explained that my eyes would start to yellow, and was impressed that they were not yet. She acknowledged all the tough treatments I had gone through. But the best thing that she said, what I think was worth the price of admission, was that we’d done all we could, had uncovered every stone and she probably would have suggested the same treatments. That really put our mind at rest. We’ve done what we could. I’m  putting healthy stuff in and on my body and I really do believe for the most part it is out of our hands. Right now and from here on out my body is going to do what my body is going to do. And what I’m going to do is try to make the best of the coming days. I may be low energy and coughing my head off, but I can still get out of bed everyday and take care of myself. There is going to be a day when I can’t do that and in the mean time, I’m grateful that I can do that. I’m still kicking!

We had an extremely full and busy Father’s Day, and I’m so glad we did. I enjoyed the day so much. I’ll be seeking out my family to do as much of that as we can. My Kansas City and Boulder people are going to come visit starting right after the 4th of July. They will be trickling in, not staying long, and I’m looking forward to that very much. 

So many of us these days are working on mindfulness and living each moment. As you might imagine, that feeling is multiplied at a time like this.

Miracles do happen and I want to be open to that story, but at the same time I am one to be realistic. I’m working on being at peace with all of this and with getting my “affairs in order.” Today, this moment, I am alive, and really that is all any of us know for sure.

Thank you friends for holding us up.

Thank you all for your lovely texts, emails, replies on the blog and beautiful cards and meaningful messages.

I love you.

Janet

We have so many of you to thank for your outpouring of love and support. Thank you for each text, email, card and post to the blog. We feel you support.

It’s not an easy time for sure. We went to see Dr. Kaplan last Thursday. As the shock of the scan was settling we were better able to listen and hear what he had to say. Neither of his options are good for me. Both of them are a long shot with 10-20% chance of fighting the cancer but they have a better chance of harming me. I might have gone along with one if they were not targeting my already vulnerable points. One is hard on your heart and one is hard on your digestive system. I’ve already been compromised quite a bit in those two parts of my body. Dr. Kaplan supports ending treatment rather than putting myself through either of those options. We agreed.

The kids encouraged me to seek out another oncologist for another opinion. I don’t think I would have done this without their urging but now I am so glad we are. I have an appointment next week with the doctor from Fred Hutch/Seattle Cancer Care who Gaby raved about so much. Gaby’s daughter facilitated our introduction so we were able to get in a little faster than usual, I think. They are gathering all of our records and biopsies from Swedish. I think it will be good to have someone outside Swedish take a look at the problem. I am not counting on anything really, but it is worth a shot.

In the meantime Mike and I saw Dr. Standish and Breanna on Saturday. She talked to us very openly and honestly about death and dying. She framed it all in such a beautiful way. All four of us were sitting close to each other in this tiny, funky office, crying while this healer lead us through a topic that is so hard for people to talk about. We also of course talked about what to do to help my body build itself back up.

Friday, Carrie Rose came over with a doctors box of possible healing remedies. And my sister texted me a list of essential oils to try topically as well as some to take internally. Dr. Standish made a list of about 4 things to do now including the essential oils from Kathy and the green drink and mushroom combo from Carrie. So thank you Kathy and Carrie for your positive input. 

Originally I was going to be doing an IV infusion of curcumin but their source for that has dried up and they do not know when it will be back in stock. So, no IV for me for now, maybe down the line.

If Dr. V at Cancer Care has something promising I will hop back on the poison boat, if not I am feeling really good about keeping toxins out of my body and letting it have a chance to get strong. I will let you know how that appointment goes.

Thank you all for your loving, caring support.

Love from all of us

Janet

I had a scan yesterday that gave us less than favorable news. My tumors are growing, new tumors are forming, taxol and cyramza are not working (well they are working very well at making me sick and tired!) Dr. Kaplan has given us a couple of options: CPT11 or Adriamycin. Mike and I are doing our research today and trying to figure out if I can tolerate either of these. I already spoke with Dr. Standish this morning and she has a plan for me. It starts with a chemo break (which I so desperately need). Very soon I'll be adding IV curcumin and perhaps in a few weeks try one of the chemos with an IV Vitamin C. She is always full of hope and remedies. I also talked to her about thc/cbd. I take a small drop to help me sleep at night, and it does. She is suggesting that I take a drop during the day to see how I tolerate it, and if I do, to slowly increase the amount for it's anti cancer purposes.

In the meantime Mike's toe is healing nicely. We went to see his foot doc, Dr. Labella, yesterday and we got to see his big toe in all it’s glory! Quite a sight. But it was the right thing to do and it is going to be a good big toe for him in no time!

Okay, we need all the prayers and positive energy we can get as we gather info and figure out how to proceed.

We feel you all around us, holding us up.

Lots of love

Janet